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to share the things my BIL has moaned about whilst staying at our house for the past 3 days?

629 replies

BanKittenHeels · 15/09/2019 15:50

Amazon Prime Video doesn’t have the new Quentin Tarantino film that has just come out at the cinema. Ergo Amazon Prime is a waste of money.

The shower screen in the guest bathroom has a stationary rather than hinged shower screen.

That someone used the loo in the middle of the night and he could hear them flush - his bedroom door was 3/4 open.

We have stair gates, so our children don’t break their necks. “Really inconvenient”

The Thai restaurant sent us too many prawn crackers. They sent an appropriate amount for the number of people, actually.

My deodorant is blue. And what?

We don’t have an endless supply of spare clothes in his size and to his taste.

His hair was still in the shower in his en suite when he went back to use it the next day.

The towels I put out for him are white.

Our front gate is too squeaky.

The planes overhead are too low.

We have too many rugs.

He can hear traffic when in the garden.

Our dogs won’t cuddle him.

Our children wear shorts.

The settings of the seats in the car we lent him weren’t to his liking.

He doesn’t like the preset radio stations on our car radio.

My DH (his brother) “doesn’t wear a hat”??????

We don’t have his very specific music taste available to him on vinyl, although we did think to search out appropriate Spotify playlists for him but “that’s not quite the same authenticity”.

The local swimming pool (in a large city) keeps “provincial, British hours”.

Microwave steamers are “excessive gadgets”. Then 30 minutes later, “I suppose you could steam veg in your steamer, have you thought of that?” No shit!

None of the 3 duvets we offered him were suitable.

I use my inhaler too frequently.

Why do I have rosehip oil in the bathroom, it’s of no use to anyone.

Confused HmmAngry

OP posts:
HelenRose1111 · 16/09/2019 16:16

I've just snorted into my tea at work re: "He's not autistic, he's just a gobshite" Grin

I nominate this for Mumsnet Classics - how do we do that anyone?!

Patroclus · 16/09/2019 16:31

I thought the goat eating hats thing was a myth. Happy to hear otherwise.

Time again for the greatest goat news story of all time-

'Angry goat on roof ''respects only one man''

metro.co.uk/2013/08/31/police-thwarted-by-goat-stuck-on-roof-in-gresham-oregon-3944570/

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/09/2019 16:38

You could try spraying him with water every time he makes a negative remark (a la Sheldon training Penny in BBT) or smacking him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper...

We may not need a hole. I..ahem...know some pigs. They eat anything.

Even gobshites.

360eyes · 16/09/2019 16:39

I nominate this for Mumsnet Classics - how do we do that anyone?!

Agree this is classics worthy just for the original post alone. Not sure how to do.it though.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/09/2019 16:41

I read DD a children's story about wasps which he felt perpetuated unfair stereotypes about wasps

Wasps are the most grievously misunderstood of all of the Hymenoptera. They are at heart gentle little nest-builders who just want to raise their grubs in peace and pollinate a few flowers and hover round a few coke cans and dustbins.

Just sayin'.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 16/09/2019 16:45

I knew at that point that he was going to live and that I couldn't stand it anymore.

I feel your pain, narked

360eyes · 16/09/2019 17:01

Just reading through these again and WTF! 😂 DP's brother is a whinge sometimes, but this is off the scale.

We have stair gates, so our children don’t break their necks. “Really inconvenient”

So his safety is more important than your kids

My deodorant is blue. And what?

Tell him to direct his complaint to Sure and ask them what the fuck they are doing.

We don’t have an endless supply of spare clothes in his size and to his taste.

Didn't realise this was a thing. I will email everyone I know and ask them what clothes they would like me to keep by just in case they can't be arsed to take responsibility to pack properly for themselves. I will include fancy dress just in case we have an impromptu fancy dress party (or if they happen to fancy dressing as a telly tubby, just because...) I will take out a massive loan and build an extension for the purpose of storing the mountain of clothes required.

His hair was still in the shower in his en suite when he went back to use it the next day.

Lazy fuckface needs to clean up after himself.

The towels I put out for him are white.

Wipe your arse on them. They are no longer white.

The planes overhead are too low.

Contact air traffic control immediately.

We have too many rugs.

And one too many twats in the house.

Our dogs won’t cuddle him.

But the boa constrictor can't wait for those fuzzy hugs

My DH (his brother) “doesn’t wear a hat”??????

Butlers generally don't

We don’t have his very specific music taste available to him on vinyl, although we did think to search out appropriate Spotify playlists for him but “that’s not quite the same authenticity”.

Being a hipster and being authentic are at opposite ends of the pole.

I use my inhaler too frequently.

I bet he says you have asthma attacks too frequently too.

Why do I have rosehip oil in the bathroom, it’s of no use to anyone.

Apart from greasing up the path so he hopefully face plants on the pavement before he gets to the door.

This guy has a wife? Seriously? I bet if you cut her open she is full of wires and circuit boards.

writersbeenblocked · 16/09/2019 17:02

Wipe your arse on them. They are no longer white.

Grin Grin

LittleGift · 16/09/2019 17:29

I hear the Far Side of Fuck has great duvets.

toxic44 · 16/09/2019 17:30

Show him the door. Don't pander to his ignorant ways. Tell him to clock off.

ToftyAC · 16/09/2019 17:30

A simple “if you don’t like it, fuck off and don’t come back until you can keep your insufferable rudeness to yourself” should suffice 😂

threatmatrix · 16/09/2019 17:33

All I can say is your dogs have good taste. Now tell him to feck off x

henryscatoscar · 16/09/2019 17:36

The facilities you offer sound brilliant. Can I stay At yours? Seriously though, does he think your a hotel? Bonkers isn’t even close. I think you need to lay down the law. At the least he’s very rude.

WheelDecide · 16/09/2019 17:37

Sorry OP but I can't wait for Thursday.

numberoneson · 16/09/2019 17:40

It was the hair in the shower complaint that finished it for me - I was also with you when he fell on the meat cleaver all by himself. Bloody hell!

goldfinchfan · 16/09/2019 17:43

are you tempted to laugh at him?

cheriseb · 16/09/2019 17:43

I will happily provide an alibi should you choose to 'dispose' of him

LightJewel · 16/09/2019 17:48

Have u booked him in the closest premier inn at his expense yet ?

Kate0902900908 · 16/09/2019 17:49

My brother in law is exactly the same.
Everything we do .. “what you doing that for”
Going on holiday.. “what a waste of money” he says
Buy something new “just trying to keep up with the Joneses”
Something nice happens .. HE ALWAYS FINDS THE BAD POINTS NIT PICKS AND GENERALLY PUTS A DOWNER ON IT.

user1493391099 · 16/09/2019 17:50

Do you think he could be on the autistic spectrum?

NoobThebrave · 16/09/2019 17:50

Always trust your dogs Grin

PolarBearkshire · 16/09/2019 17:52

I am surprised he is still alive hahhaha
He needs some serious therapy poor soul (and whoever meets him)

DarlingNikita · 16/09/2019 17:53

'My deodorant is blue.'
'The planes overhead are too low.'
'Our dogs won’t cuddle him.'
'My DH (his brother) “doesn’t wear a hat”'

These are my favourites.

OP, are you a writer? I'm snorting at gems like 'I don’t want to give away where he lives but I think he has to travel through his own (perfect) arse to get there.' 'He isn’t autistic, he’s just a gobshite.' 'The man is a bag of knob sauce'
Grin Grin Grin

necklaceofraindrops · 16/09/2019 17:56

My next door neighbours are having a big extension built. They're not living in the house while it's being done. The builders are never there on a Friday... Wink

fencesitter75 · 16/09/2019 17:57

He’s a single, virgin, right? As BA Barracas would say “I pity the fool”