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to share the things my BIL has moaned about whilst staying at our house for the past 3 days?

629 replies

BanKittenHeels · 15/09/2019 15:50

Amazon Prime Video doesn’t have the new Quentin Tarantino film that has just come out at the cinema. Ergo Amazon Prime is a waste of money.

The shower screen in the guest bathroom has a stationary rather than hinged shower screen.

That someone used the loo in the middle of the night and he could hear them flush - his bedroom door was 3/4 open.

We have stair gates, so our children don’t break their necks. “Really inconvenient”

The Thai restaurant sent us too many prawn crackers. They sent an appropriate amount for the number of people, actually.

My deodorant is blue. And what?

We don’t have an endless supply of spare clothes in his size and to his taste.

His hair was still in the shower in his en suite when he went back to use it the next day.

The towels I put out for him are white.

Our front gate is too squeaky.

The planes overhead are too low.

We have too many rugs.

He can hear traffic when in the garden.

Our dogs won’t cuddle him.

Our children wear shorts.

The settings of the seats in the car we lent him weren’t to his liking.

He doesn’t like the preset radio stations on our car radio.

My DH (his brother) “doesn’t wear a hat”??????

We don’t have his very specific music taste available to him on vinyl, although we did think to search out appropriate Spotify playlists for him but “that’s not quite the same authenticity”.

The local swimming pool (in a large city) keeps “provincial, British hours”.

Microwave steamers are “excessive gadgets”. Then 30 minutes later, “I suppose you could steam veg in your steamer, have you thought of that?” No shit!

None of the 3 duvets we offered him were suitable.

I use my inhaler too frequently.

Why do I have rosehip oil in the bathroom, it’s of no use to anyone.

Confused HmmAngry

OP posts:
narkedinNI · 16/09/2019 12:57

The absolute piece de resistance was that when we went for divorce he claimed that I was so negative about life and that it was holding him back. I should have given him space to air his 'concerns' and listened (read agree) properly instead of trying to convince him that the NHS/road service/another million services were out to help people rather than murder/torture/manipulate him. Apparently this was me being provocative and 'starting an argument with an empty room' Hmm

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/09/2019 12:59

@narkedinNI

Does he have goats now?.

BruceAndNosh · 16/09/2019 13:01

Is your house listed on TripAdvisor?

highheelsandbobblehats · 16/09/2019 13:06

*Fluffycloudland77

@narkedinNI

Does he have goats now?.*

I also need to know this.

I also need to know if OPs BIL has chickens at his own house. Surely not because the needing to let them out/lock them up with the sunrise and sunset is as ballache and we've not even discussed the sheer amount of shit they produce yet.

ChicCroissant · 16/09/2019 13:13

BruceAndNosh Is your house listed on TripAdvisor?

Grin I think we could arrange some reviews for you, OP ....

#respectthebrisket

narkedinNI · 16/09/2019 13:13

No he doesn't have goats. He lives in a hovel flat and DD was telling me that he has been complaining about 'house living' and feels he is more suited to a cave dwelling Grin There is no way he could have looked after goats or 'lived off the land', he always complained that the smell of grass inflamed his nasal passages. (The GP refused to refer him for grass allergy testing so that was another gripe against the NHS)

narkedinNI · 16/09/2019 13:21

I just remembered though that when we were together he went on for years about us getting a cat and I finally relented. I wasn't a cat person but he got dd on board so I reluctantly agreed. After a few weeks he wanted me to put it into a rescue place as the cat didn't snuggle up to him in the same way that his childhood cat did, so this wasn't fair on him. I still have the cat and adore him Grin

BanKittenHeels · 16/09/2019 13:22

BIL has chickens, yes.
He allows them to roam freely into his kitchen. 🤮

OP posts:
360eyes · 16/09/2019 13:28

Crikey! Is this serious?

You need to print this thread out and send it to him. He is obviously oblivious to how much of a twit he is. He makes Mariah Carey look like a Buddhist monk.

Our dogs won’t cuddle him.

😂

360eyes · 16/09/2019 13:37

When he next comes over, twist it round so you constantly moan at him. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Can I suggest the following:

He is not cuddly enough for your dogs

His Jean's are too "jeany"

You don't like people who like dry roads much

He is selfishly too big and it's too much work to bury him under the patio.

People who keep chickens are knob jockeys (they aren't but he may get the hint)

People who are scared of white towels are fuckwits.

ThatCurlyGirl · 16/09/2019 13:55

Our dogs won’t cuddle him.

Oh my god how did I miss this in the first post?!

Best. Complaint. Ever.

BruceAndNosh · 16/09/2019 14:22

I love the idea of The List, especially if you make a big issue of adding to it, doubling checking that you have the exact wording of the complaint.
Also if you can refer back to the List in case of duplicate complaints

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/09/2019 14:40

She’s making a list, she’s checking it twice!

TheGoddessFrigg · 16/09/2019 14:53

Oh god this reminds me of my ex- who should have been named Dyson for his ability to suck the joy out of anything.
As the saying goes - if you gave him the moon, he'd want the hole it came out of....

SilverySurfer · 16/09/2019 14:59

My patio has been dug up and new paving is going to be laid on Thursday. Shall I start digging the hole or shall I leave it to you Grin

Patroclus · 16/09/2019 15:27

Goats are banging though to be fair

PommePoire · 16/09/2019 15:42

The GoddessFrigg I've never heard the moon-hole saying before and I'd like to thank you for bringing it.

Patroclus you're right, goats ARE banging. I've admired them for many years, ever since I saw a mountain goat in the enclosure at London Zoo eat a boy scout's cap, whole. She chewed for a bit then spat out the button from the crown, which hit another goat, who matter-of-factedly bent her head and snaffled it up. The awe has stayed with me since 1975.

ThatCurlyGirl · 16/09/2019 15:44

@Patroclus

GrinGrinGrin

Legend.

BanKittenHeels · 16/09/2019 15:45

He’s about 2m tall and looking at him about 105kg, any holes should be dug suitably! Thanking you kindly.

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 16/09/2019 15:49

I think you need to write an adult version of these books (kind of like the adult versions of the Ladybird books):
That's not My....

And have it "That's not my BiL"... he says Thank you after every meal. and so on...

Anxiouszalice · 16/09/2019 15:51

Hahaha, when is he leaving?

TheDogsMother · 16/09/2019 15:52

@BanKittenHeels You are nothing short of a saint. I was getting the rage just reading this so how you haven't done him a harm is beyond me Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/09/2019 15:56

@PommePoire - ds1 has a bet going with dh. When he was about 15, he said he was going to have a goat, one day, and dh disbelieved him - so the bet is that, if ds1 has not owned a goat, for a full year, by the time he is 40, he will owe dh £50. Of course, this will actually be worth about tuppence ha’penny by the time ds1 is 40! Grin

daisyjgrey · 16/09/2019 16:04

I LOVE lists like this.
Obviously not if I have to put up with the person who is doing the complaining, but from the outside, they're ace.

WhereDoesThisToiletGo · 16/09/2019 16:16

If you pop over to the Extension building thread in Property section, I'm sure you find someone with foundations already dug, just waiting to be filled....

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