I'm totally unreasonable. DH putting on a 'ill voice'.

[ThirdChildFourthPile]

I know, I know I'm being unreasonable. And I've told myself a million times but it's still winding me up. I'm actually avoiding him because of it.

I'm 7 months pregnant, we have two kids.
He had a vasectomy today so I'm juggling the kids and uni and hospital appointments with this baby while he rests his testicals.
This, I have no problem with at all. It's been a long time coming! And the more he rests now, the better he will heal.

But the ill voice he is putting on is like nails down a black board.
He used to do it years ago, I haven't heard him 'put on' a voice in years. He used to put on this faint, wobbly voice whenever he had any ache or pain or cold. My sympathy used to instantly shrivel up.

Now he's putting on this small, high pitched little boy voice and it grates on my so much.
It's like pouring salt on my sympathy for his testicals. I really wish he wouldn't do it!

So I need to get it out here in this safe space where I can name change and move on.

[RockinHippy]

Dressing Gown of Doom

OMG, mine has one too, grey towelling & very tatty, it's like his comfort blanket. Puts it on when he's feeling sorry for himself & all suddenly 6'5" hairy assed biker of him turns into a whiny little boy 😫

OP, YADNBU, you're being very restrained, I'd have told himto quit it by now & I can't blame hormones 

[penisbeakers]

Totally with @NeedsAsockamnesty here. Really lay it on thick until he gets the message that his probably partially shaven furry plumbs will actually be fine, and there will be no need for whiny baby voice.

[Echobelly]

I've realised a bit why men do the 'man flu' thing while sick since DH told me that he goes on and on about how ill he is when he's unwell because he doesn't want me to think he's just slacking and wants to be clear why he's not being helpful doing stuff.

But, like @kateandme I also do feel 'Uhm, you don't seem to be a great deal less helpful than usual, TBH'

[SaltyPeanut]

I get treated to the ill "I'm literally dying here" voice, huffing n puffing, urgha oompha strain noises, shuffling up the hall and collapsing into a chair followed by the slow head turn. Illness? No. Coming in the front door carrying a bit of shopping.

I have been known to take it out of his hands and carry it myself, even if it's a little to heavy for me, just to avoid the performance suffering.

When he's unwell, it really goes into overdrive. Coughs and falls all over the place as if it burst his brain, the voice and slow head turns with slow blinking. He's even done the tongue sticking out thing. You just can't unsee that babyish shit.

Funny thing is, he hurt himself really bad once, scalded all the skin off his dick by knocking a half brewed cup of tea over his groin area. Actual ambulance job. Not a single sign of the voice and behaved as if nothing was going on.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

scalded all the skin off his dick by knocking a half brewed cup of tea over his groin area

Woah! I dont even have one and that makes me willy hurt in sympathy, poor bugger. Still, useful next time he is Performance Poorlying, as you can ask if he will pack it in if you upend a kettle on his knob.

[GinIsIn]

Oh god yes. And the sighing. And the ridiculous half closed eyes. RAAAAAGE!

[RedPandaMama]

DP has been off a week a with a chest infection. It is a bad one to be fair so for the first few days I brought him every meal and drink, changed the bedding he vomited on, did all the housework plus working, doing my degree and trying to keep a one year old alive and do every difficult bedtime while she is poorly too.

After about 3 days I was so done and told him, if you're fine to eat a large McDonald's meal you can come and do some washing up afterwards. Nothing strenuous, no going outside. 'but I'm ill' he says! Poor you, DP, I didn't get any help when I had a crippling throat infection the week before, just had to get on with it.

He's going back to work tomorrow and my GOD am I happy. So glad to not have him moping around the house anymore putting on a breathy 'ill' voice when his parents ring to ask how he is!

Love him to bits but couldn't have him around all the time, he does my head in!

[Olderbyaminute]

My husband promised the vasectomy as I was in hospital recovering from an emergency c section which was two days after gallbladder surgery and an inflamed pancreas, life support for days. Spent 12 days in hospital and went home with a dvt and MRSA and the bastard still took years before he actually did it! But at least he didn’t whine afterwards. Sigh. Feel for you OP

[pinkstripeycat]

My DH puts on a massively exaggerated forced cough if he wants sympathy. Don’t know why he bothers as the kids and I just laugh. He will also cry out “ooh my hamstring!” which has the kids in stitches. Apart from the odd cold DH has never been ill in 19 years.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

DH has just found out that he has to have a camera up the end of his cock. He has told me this is the WORST THING EVER. I reminded him that we had three rounds of IVF where the stick a needle up your foof, through the wall of your vagina and into your ovary. Nope, camera up your cock is still worse.

I actually snorted at that!

Mine has the dressing gown, voice and, when he bends down while sick, an "oh I feel faint" routine. Normally he's a strapping ape of a man but not while sick.

[Bowerbird5]

DS2 had a hernia op a couple of years ago when he was about 35 he had been taken off the doctors list because they thought he had left the practice. I had to speak to my GP (senior partner) to confirm...he hadn’t seen a doctor since he was 11 and had meningitis! He didn’t moan either.

[Bowerbird5]

I must add some of these are hilarious I am stifling my laughter as DH is fast asleep beside me. Loving the dressing gown images. I would take the opportunity to replace the grey rag with a new one at Christmas,&

[AhoyDelBoy]

Conkers
Such a funny thread!
Poor bloke ‘resting his testes’. Make sure you really turn the voice on after your next baby is born!

[maras2]

I blame Bobby Grant from Brookside, beautifully overacted by Ricky Tomlinson (Jim Royale)
After his (secret from the wife) vasectomy, he struggled out of the taxi as if he'd had major abdominal surgery with no anaesthetic and staggered, clutching his stomach and bollocks at the same time,doing silent howling
DS was about 6 at the time and next day at school, he and all of the kids were re enacting it in the playground.
Oscars all round

[MathsQuery]

I recognise all of this. The dressing gown, the little boy voice, the shuffle and the slow head turn. My DH also does the eyes closed routine. He'll keep telling me how tired he is and then closes his eyes whilst facing me as though he's fallen asleep. Except he really hasn't so he then opens them and looks at me to see if I've seen this act of tiredness. It's the whole attention seeking thing that I'm at.

But this is the man who arrived on the maternity ward the day after I gave birth and having spent a sleepless night on a ward with 6 new born babies and their mothers to tell me how exhausted he was after his 10 hour unbroken sleep. . My mum just glared at him.

[WhipItGood]

You’ve reminded me of this

[Urbanbeetler]

Mine has full blown tracksuit trousers of doom. He only ever wears them when he is sick. And he used to do the whiney near-death voice for every cold.

Some time ago there was a huge thread about this - it was very funny. I was snorting with laughter on the sofa reading it and he asked what was so hilarious. I showed it to him.

He has never done the whiney near-death voice since. In fact, he lowers his voice on purpose not to do it, sounding a bit like the marvellous Brian Blessed. If he wasn’t so snotty, it could be quite sexy.

The power of mumsnet.

[Conseulabananahammock]

Oooh feel your pain. Mine particularly annoys me when I've been battling an illness and feeling under the weather for a bit while still dealing with 3kids , but when he gets it it's never what I had. Oh no it's always much worse! It's like when the germ enters the man it becomes so much more! His mum always makes it worse "poor baby are you poorly" hes 36 woman give it a rest!

[Conseulabananahammock]

Side note. I'm just recovering from pneumonia and constondritis (sp) and yet have still had to keep everything going.he has a sore in his mouth and I haven't heard the end of it.

[Valasca]

Christ alive, I’m sorry so many of you have such poor excuses of husbands and partners and you think being in sole charge of a newborn after a c-section is just why everyone has to put up with. It’s not.

And I’m not going to “wind my neck in” (fucking charming) because this isn’t a race to the bottom.

[Frouby]

DH has always been a fucking manchild sicknote. Always clutching his stomach and gasping in pain as though he is dying, then letting out a massive fart and saying 'Christ, that's better'.

He was so dramatic for so long that when his bowel did actually burst, followed by his appendix and perotinitus set in, I suggested a shower and 2 paracetamol.

I did actually eventually phone an ambulance. He survived (just) but still says I wasn't sympathetic enough.

That's what happens when you act like you are on deaths door for a sharp fart. When you are at deaths door, no one believes you.

[FieryGhoulie]

Ooooh I know exactly what you mean. It does my head in too.

[bubbles108]

@ThirdChildFourthPile

You're amazing.

Huge respect

I would kill him 

[LEMtheoriginal]

Does he have 'small eyes' as well?

[PuddinginPerth]

My ex would intermittently put on a child’s voice and refer to objects with their names he used from childhood.

Regularly he would refer to a drink as a “winky puck”.

It used to give me the absolute shits.

It wasn’t cute or endearing - it was pathetic and indicative of his mental immaturity.

He also used to do a fake frown/pout while he put his chin down while looking up at me repeatedly blinking wanting a reaction and wanting me to “mother” him (he also had MASSIVE mother issues - it wasn’t healthy).

The first time he did it, I hated it.

He continued that sht for 5 years. I told him I hated it, he told me to be “more tolerant” and then poked me in the arm repeatedly as if it were my problem that he was an absolute loser.

Can you imagine how much fluid someone consumes over a five year period? And every time they have a drink they make reference to it being a “winky puck”.

No person had ever pssed me off as much as that man.

I really truly feel your pain; you’re lucky it’s not an every day event.