As promised Funeral Director here (waves)

[oohnarna]

I am ready for your questions!

I will do my best to answer, I have a few bits I am doing at home but will answer regularly throughout the evening as much as I can.

I've got a question. My nan died but I am nc with my close family due to abuse. I phoned the funeral directors to ask if I could just see the coffin for 5 mins before it left for the funeral, so I could say goodbye. But they told me no. I was gutted. They said they only took instructions from the next of kin. Next of kin need never have known my request. I never got to say goodbye. I was gutted. Do they really need to be so strict?

My DF died at 7.30 this evening. The undertaker we called arrived at 9.40 and was professional and compassionate and hugely helpful and reassuring. So thank you for making a very difficult day a little bit easier.

FVFrog, I’m sorry to hear about your DF, I’m sure he is being cared for now. I hope you have people to support you

I’m so sorry, FVFrog

My mother has arranged her funeral and has paid for it and given me an envelope with the details. I haven't opened it but I know she has specified 'direct to crem' and has also specified that she doesn't want anybody there.
Do we have to do what she wants? I don't mean morally but will the funeral director let us change things if we want to?

It was my nan's funeral today, she died nearly four weeks ago. The funeral director people were so nice and respectful. I didn't even talk to any of them but just seeing how they were with other members of my family was lovely and reassuring. Thank you for what you do ❤️

FVFrog - I hope you and family are being comforted tonight

Do you see different expressions on the deceased faces? I've had a few relatives pass away and each had a different expression. I think depending on how they felt at the time of passing. My family think I'm just projecting my own feelings about their death...

One thing I was always a bit about when my nan died a few years ago was that the home she was in said that they had to release the body to a FD in the same town that she died in. We wanted to use our local FD and had to pay a fee (I think it was around £150) for the initial FD to hand over the body to our local ones. What was that about?

Interesting thread. Shame it will disappear after 30 days I think it should be moved where it will be kept?

Some deceased that are fragile can be harder to handle. However it is always done with dignity and gently.

Thank you for good the good wishes. My DSis and I are here together with my DM and we were all with him at the end, his death was expected and he died fairly peacefully at home in his own bed which is what he wanted. We are grieving, but are together and have all retired to bed ready to face the day together tomorrow.

Poker - i can only think that the client told them you were not allowed to visit so they have to comply with their clients wishes. Such a shame. The FD could have let you in anyway, but that's a risk to them of course if the client found out.

WARNING, VERY SENSITIVE

When a person has been murdered ie: stabbed multiple times and kept by Police for 6 weeks/2 months how is the body prepared, what happens to the stab wounds, are they sewn up although the body is likely to be empty of blood? Sorry to ask but have wondered this for a long time and no-one to ask. Obviously the coffin was closed before it went to the chapel of rest.

@Cutyourshakehole

The similar thread by @Ilovekermit is now in Classics so it won't disappear. I'm sure this thread will join it as it is really informative.

FV - so sorry for your loss. Glad the FD looked after you and they will continue to do so throughout the whole process, so please don't worry xxx

Frumpety

There is a difference between certifying (confirming) death and writing the medical certificate of cause of death.

Confirming death can be done by any doctor (they don't have to have known the patient) - so this can be an out of hours GP. This needs to be done before the deceased can be moved. Non-doctors (e.g. nurses) can also confirm death with appropriate training.

The medical certificate of cause of death needs to be issued by a doctor who has been involved in the care of the patient and (usually) seen them in the last 14 days. The process is different if a post mortem is required. This needs to be done before the death certificate can be issued by a registrar.

FVFrog

So sorry for your loss

for FVFrog.

Thank you @Maelstrop. I didn’t realise emergency services would be involved but makes total sense.

Brizzle - legally there is nothing stopping you changing the plans in place.

Hugs to white vixen xx

If a close living relative is not informed of the death of a parent/sibling etc is that recorded within the paperwork?

If my only adult blood relative wasn’t notified of my death (as is my wishes) would a funeral director legally have to inform them?

Solittetime - it can depend on how the mouth naturally falls, false teeth can make a difference and the method used to seal the mouth closed.