Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

[Swimminguphill]

I bought this beautiful jacket online. In my mind I'd look like Blondie in the 80s, very rock and roll and all round awesome. In reality I look like a giant angry teddy bear/yeti. I have broad shoulders and a bust although slim in general, and it doesn't do me any favours. I wanted it for ages and it's now sold out, and so the joy of getting it in my size just in time is sadly wasted. It is a beautiful jacket - just not on me! Anybody else want to come and mourn reality vs fantasy with me?

The flip side of my gift for beanbagging Aline dresses (I'm very hourglass shaped, but I never learn) is that I have a sort of reverse frump mode for certain clothes like jersey dresses or tops - on the normally endowed they look comfy, perhaps a bit fitted but basically office appropriate, on me it's more; look at my BOOBS! ARSE! hubba hubba ding DONG!
(See also - fitted shirts, shirt dresses, v neck tops, pencil skirts, and the brief but misguided foray into wrapover tops)

Faux fur wrap to wear with wedding dress for December wedding...

Expectation: Cosy romantic beauty
Reality: Henry VIII

Oh yes the cropped Jean.
I wore a pair out for lunch and just looked like I was off rockpooling.
Back in wardrobe never to be seen again.

A dark (black/navy?) crew neck blouse with horizontal pin tucking, fluted sleeves and a pelmet from Mint Velvet. I look like an extra from Blake's 7 who has escaped from a cult - my DH laughed at me (not with me).

Can we also take a moment of silence to remember the time my (beautiful but misguided in this instance) best mate decided to get really long hair extensions? Expectation - swishy Kate Middleton
Reality - the girl from the ring, but with less poise and charm

Has anyone nominated this thread for Classics yet?

I see that's a yes. Also nominating.

And another one.

The long sleeveless cardigan in a subtle shade of grey-green that would do an elegant layering thing over a long-sleeved top and jeans.

But no - what it actually did was channel Rigsby.

‘Where’s Wally in drag’ by Squiffany in a Breton too has made me intermittently rofl all day

Casual harem pants, cool and nonchalant? Nope. More like old bag lady needs to change tena pants.

Expectation: wrap dresses are excellent on big boobed women, they skim, balance your curves and create a flattering and elegant silhouette.
Reality: Here's my chest, the rest is coming

The Boden Breton with the pale pink wide vertical stripe down the front. Everybody, and I do mean everybody, tells me that I have spilt something down myself.

I’m crying at these and every time I refresh there’s a better one! Triceratops! Where’s Wally! Rigsby!

I had a Hooples jersey with a black body and metallic sleves, dropped shoulders. Size XL.

Expectation: OMG after losing 2st with SW perhaps I will finally have become someone who can wear Hooples stuff! Urban understated chic here I come!

Reality: Metal Mickey decided he didn’t look authentic enough for the 80s party so put on a nylon jumper.

Turtle neck jumper a là Holly Willoughby style. On me, more like Hattie Jacques 'Carry on Matron'.

Turtle neck jumpers or as I like to call them: titty neck jumpers.

I love this thread! Mine was a few years back and was a lovely tweed pencil skirt:

Expectation: Smart but sexy - sort of Maggie Gyllenhaal in secretary vibe.
Reality: Miss Marple (and probably more Rutherford than Hickson if I'm honest).

Have you ever had the moment when you see someone wearing the same thing as you and you think, that isn’t a good look...

....and then you realise it’s you in the shop window.

The red top that made me look like Les Dawson in drag. You know, very bosomy

A few years ago, I hummed and ahh-ed for ages about buying this mac but in green:
www.bravissimo.com/products/trench-coat-navy-pc178nvy/
Eventually I decided to treat myself.

Expectation: swishy, swishy Audrey Hepburn

Reality: Allo Allo French Resistance.

Proper snort at Tinky Winky gone emo.

Extra snort at frilly triceratops.

Oh this thread is very reassuring (and also very funny).

My worst was also Ebay. An oversized vintage check coat in which I would look elegant, waif-like and casually put-together.

The reality was Artful Dodger in an 80s school production of Oliver!, if the Artful Dodger was doing a bit of serial killing on the side.

Don't even get me started on the catalogue of disappointing handknits. Somehow it's even worse when you've spent both money AND time on something that makes you look like a 3-stone-heavier version of your mother.

Another one who can’t pull off boyfriend jeans. I just need the bumbag and I am The Rock circa early 90s (you know - with the black turtle neck and gold chain).

Expectation: wrap dresses are excellent on big boobed women, they skim, balance your curves and create a flattering and elegant silhouette
Reality: Here's my chest, the rest is coming

Actually crying at this

A silver sheath dress for a Christmas do. Expectation: sheer understated elegance. Reality: grain silo.

Properly properly funny post.
Not a purchase but when Lady Diana and Charles got engaged my mum decided I would suit her haircut. Off to the hairdressers then? No way, why do that when she can do a perfectly good job.
Result: I looked like a boy who had been hit with an Acme mallet by Wiley Coyote. My siblings called me ‘tumour head’ for years.

Fantastic thread. So pleased that I'm not alone in the fashion disasters stakes!