Anyone want to come and mourn the reality vs expectation of new purchases with me?

[Swimminguphill]

I bought this beautiful jacket online. In my mind I'd look like Blondie in the 80s, very rock and roll and all round awesome. In reality I look like a giant angry teddy bear/yeti. I have broad shoulders and a bust although slim in general, and it doesn't do me any favours. I wanted it for ages and it's now sold out, and so the joy of getting it in my size just in time is sadly wasted. It is a beautiful jacket - just not on me! Anybody else want to come and mourn reality vs fantasy with me?

This is the best thread I’ve ever read and I’ve only covered page 1. You are all fucking hilarious. Will be coming back to this later to read the whole thing with a glass of wine.
My contribution: colleagues did me a moonpig birthday card with a photo of me on the front from a works night out last year. Short leather biker jacket that I thought gave an edgy vibe to my printed dress. Reality: I looked like I was attending a Halloween party dressed as John Travolta in Pulp Fiction

I love this thread so much

My worst fail that I haven’t blocked out was when I saw Sarah Michelle Gellar on TV wearing a knitted white jumper and looking tanned, fluffy and gorgeous. I bought a similar one and wore it to visit a new boyfriend on a chilly winter’s evening. I had not taken into account that I was pasty, at least three stone heavier than SMG and looked like a fat fifty year old cricketer called Keith.

Still enjoying this thread!

Well since people are still posting, I can tell the story of the root perm on my 16th birthday. They were a thing in the early eighties, and I went to a hair training school to have it done.
They actually permed a sort of trapezoidal section on the top of my head. The solution was left on too long, so quite a lot of my hair just snapped off. What was left was really quite poodly. For about two weeks, until it fell out into lank ringlets.
I was not so happy about this, and in my sixteen-year-old frustration, started cutting it myself. I spent the next six months with what looked exactly like a coconut fibre doormat on the top of my head.
I've never had another perm.

Oh, and this was how I had my school photo that year, added to which I had one giant pimple in the middle of my forehead, which looked uncommonly like I'd been shot.

I’ve laughed so much my chest hurts!!!!!

I can tell the story of the root perm on my 16th birthday

Oh, God - perms.
Never had one that didn't make me cry.

(The fact that I had more than one shows what a very shallow learning curve I was on)

The worst was the time my mother helpfully permed just my fringe to help me recreate the "Farrah Fawcett flick".

It sat atop my fine, straight hair like a mouse-brown shower puff.
These days it would have been tempting to add a bit of net and a bow and try to style it out as a fascinator.

(And mothers are supposed to love you )

These are all brilliant

I thought I would try billowy shirt and waistcoat combo on my 5.4 not slim frame. Expectation: arty free spirit type beauty a la Sarah from Labyrinth.
Reality: Bilbo Baggins.

Beautiful mid length green silk jacket with huge buttons and nipped in waist.
In shop: effortless swishy elegance
Reality: Sergeant Pepper

Cropped skinny jeggings, lovely I thought, perfect for warmer weather.
On the model: slender, casual, cool
On me: like the Incredible Hulk was bursting out of his trousers and they were suddenly too short for his tree trunk legs. Oh woe.
And the terrible haircut I got last year. I wanted it short, but I have less than perfect features so not a 'pixie' cut.
What I got: She literally cut it all off. And I mean literally. I had no more than half an inch of hair all over my head. She'd cut it really badly over my ears which was really obvious and I felt like I'd been scalped. I went home and burst into tears. I'm a middle aged woman and I cannot carry off the androgynous look. I felt horribly butch and hid until it grew to a decent length.

Fantasy - thinking brown cord trousers with front pleats, would give a country vibe.

Reality - I looked like Worzel Gummidge 😡 😂 😂 😂

Purchased a Tony & Guy deep barrel waver to recreate 'beachy waves' on my long hair.

Once finished my husband said I looked like Marge Simpson when she has her her down.

TMI but I got one of those metal blackhead extraction tools to help with my new skincare routine....Being prone to them on my nose.

Anyway after much research and excitement over my dreams of amazing skin I gave it a bash.

Woke up the next morning to see Gonzo staring back at me....took about a week to calm down. Never again.

Sorry wrong thread! 😂

When I was 13 i bought a cool zigzag clingy top from next. Really cool and hippy vibe I thought...got home and liz McDonald was wearing it on corrie

I'm crying laughing at this thread. So many brilliant descriptions!

looked all Bet Lynch and try-hard

So so funny. I wanted a short tousled meg Ryan haircut. Except my hair is ginger, fine and straight.

I came out looking like ziggy stardust!

I bought what I thought were sort of cherry red slight plasticised trousers that I reckoned would look a bit like leather with a nice slim fit.

They were brown and made me feel like a binman. I kept them for painting in the end.

Got a BaByliss big hair, expecting bountiful waves and got a big pile of frizz.

Looking at you, mumsnet 😐

@hollygolipo

I bought the red Zara frayed edge coat and looked like a member of a Beatles tribute act. Also spent £400 on a beautiful soft leather jacket only to see Suzi Quattro's fat nan staring back at me in the mirror.

Place marking.

Having come of age in the 80's I also have too many to count but at least I was young and thin so probably (mostly) got away with it.

My most recent one was I got my hair cut short a couple of years ago but it didn't suit me in middle age as much as it had when I was younger. To try and offset the butch look while I grew it out I wore a bit more makeup and 'statement ' earrings.
On a night out once with my brother and sister I wore my favourite leopard print coat and whilst at the bar saw my reflection and Pat Butcher staring back at me.
I said as much when I got back to our table and although they protested they laughed a bit too heartily for my liking.
I've not worn that coat since.

I just woke my husband up laughing at these 😂😂😂

As this thread's still going, have this one...

In 1978, I wanted to look like one of the TOTP dance group. She had shoulder-length dark, curly hair. I had long, dark, straight hair. So I got a cut & a perm. When I came out of the salon, I had a fixed, bouffant style which made me look like I was on my way to participate in 'Come Dancing' rather then TOTP. It was made all the more peculiar as I was wearing jeans & a big Aran jumper when I obviously should've worn high heels, 48 layers of eye-wateringly neon net & 10 million sequins which I'd sewn on by hand.

I thought it was a disaster & virtually ran home. I couldn't make it look normal, so I washed it & combed it out, thinking I couldn't make it any worse. Hey presto! I got a beatiful style which I loved until it grew out. I still didn't look like the TOTP dancer, but hey-ho.

@ifIwerenotanandroid
Hahahalol...sorry...just picturing your lovely do

Sadly, no photos exist of it before or after I rescued it. I was desperate: I had it done late afternoon & was going to a party that night!

@ifIwerenotanandroid
Thank goodness for your quick thinking