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Cringiest thing you've witnessed at a wedding?

526 replies

Fourtwenty · 22/04/2017 23:19

We were secretly sent the lyrics to the first dance and as a surprise we all had to stand up and sing it to the couple.

My toes were curling Grin

OP posts:
YrHenGi · 23/04/2017 16:52

Oh! I remembered one! I was at a wedding a few years ago when the bride's granny went up to one of the bride's friends who'd recently been dumped after a serious relationship that everyone assumed would lead down the aisle, put her arm round her and said, 'This must be very hard for you, dear. You must have thought it'd be you next. We all did! Poor you.' The friend's face went from, 'Ooh, I'm having a nice time... oh, wait, what?... aauuuuggghhh.' Guest left early. Granny was all, what did I say?

TinselTwins · 23/04/2017 16:52

and a shame for the best man because in fairness it's not a bad gag and the rest of the speech was great! TBF I thought it was a genius speech until I read the last parragraph Shock , then I felt bad for laughing!

FurryLittleTwerp · 23/04/2017 16:53

When a lovely friend from Uni married her boyfriend the one who'd tried it on with all her mates with varying degrees of success but she still thought the sun shone out of his backside the reception was held in a marquee in the bride's parents' garden.

Unfortunately the date clashed with a major Football World Cup match & so televisions were made available all over the house for people to watch if they wanted.

Most of the bloody men ended up watching, including the arse groom & the bride's bigger arse father Shock while the women enjoyed the party in the marquee.

Within six months they were expecting a baby & within two years he was shagging around at work & they divorced.

NotYoda · 23/04/2017 17:19

It's such a mixed crowd at a wedding though, in most cases. You can't just cater for WHAT the B & G's friends will find funny in the speeches

teenmumandsowhat · 23/04/2017 18:25

My wedding to my exhusband 4 years ago, the best man thought it would be hilarious to present us with a fancy gift box of condoms during his speech.. we had a 6 month old daughter at the time! Hmm

Mollyiscoddled · 23/04/2017 18:28

My aunt in law aged about 55 at the time, punched a random guest at my brother's wedding. She was totally smashed and on meds for other things.

At least it happened outside the main reception area. Took six burly rugby type blokes to calm her down.

Was great entertainment for those who saw it. No injuries thankfully, just a mad aunt!

HollyJollyDillydolly · 23/04/2017 18:35

stealtheatingtunnocks

"HollyJollyDillydolly was it a tiny bride who puked over her massive merengue dress with hand sewn gold embroidery on the bodice?" No, this was my dm when she married my step dad so definitely old enough to know her limits Wine

onlyslightlyinterested · 23/04/2017 18:37

Years ago, at the wedding of a very close friend, we were moving along the greeting line, where everyone shakes hands, and congratulates the wedding party. My poor husband really cocked up, as he got to the bride, he shook her hand, and said, ' happy birthday!'

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/04/2017 18:44

I have known three couples where the friend has been a woman in love with the husband and yep, each one was in love with the groom.

The first one went out of her way to make the wedding about her and the groom, which the groom happily went along with and couldnt understand why his bride was so pissed off. That one didnt last long as the bride left him, he ended up in a fling with the friend and then left her to move abroad with someone who ended up his second wife. Friend was heartbroken.

Second one, husband oblivious, everyone else including the bride all knew. Friend still trails around in the desperate hope he will leave his wife for her, including engineering situations where they will end up together. Over 20 years this has been going on. I feel quite sorry for her but think she needs a shake.

Third one the groom knew, bride didnt and had been shagging the friend on the side for years, including pre bride. She appeared to genuinely think that the wedding wouldnt happen, when it did she was inconsolable all day and her behaviour led to the bride finding out the truth. That one didnt even make it to the end of the honeymoon.

Oh and there was the brides"man" which was at a wedding my sister went to and she said that it was obvious he was in love with the bride.

I am so cynical about shit like that now!

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/04/2017 18:47

I should add that the bridesman was at a lesbian wedding, and DSis said it was heartbreaking to see him. :(

LetsSplashMummy · 23/04/2017 18:49

I went to one where the couple had met in a way that was a little bit interesting and flattering for the bride, she had joined a sports club where there were no women, been asked out by loads of the team and Groom was essentially her second choice when her first choice moved away (I've changed the details slightly, don't worry). It just wasn't a hugely nice story for the groom.

The night before we played a game with a quiz about the couple and we were all told how they met. During the ceremony which they helped write together, the whole story was told except the second choice bit (just "wasn't he lucky nabbing such a popular woman"). Then the speeches, first FOB spends his whole speech repeating the story - then the groom, who at least had a heads up about the ceremony and should have known better, tells it all again. Finally the best man gets up and tells us it all again, some bits word for word, even pausing for laughs. None of them told any other story or made a self deprecating comment that we might know this story or any reference at all to each other.

Now I could handle this a just one of these things, how unlucky, if the bride, groom and best man didn't spend the next few hours fishing for compliments on how great their speeches were and telling people how working in sales makes them such naturals at giving speeches. It was so weird, I felt like I was grading student presentations where loads of them have been given the same topic, but you know nothing too awful.

The cringey bit though was the dinner party where we had to watch the video of the speeches a few months later and still we were expected to laugh and act surprised at how they met, the groom looking at us expectantly and saying things like "that was a good bit, wasn't it?" "I think I used a really clever pause there."

NoYouDontKnowItAll · 23/04/2017 18:58

The only wedding if you can even call it that what I've ever been to is my own, in another country. Just my luck there was a Civil Service strike on at the time so it took way longer to get all the paper work done and involved a great deal of bribery. I had to get interviewed by the Police and they had me sit at an old desk which was covered in flies (this was in a small desert town) and straight faced asked me if I'd ever had oral sex with any of my friends. Some days later the Judge at the court refused to sign our papers to allow the marriage to go ahead because we had phoned him to ask him to come in to work to do it while he was meant to be striking and it made him angry. I had to change my plane home in the end to stay longer and when we did finally manage to get the paper work sorted we ended up having to go through the actual marriage process in a small photocopying office and I had a football shirt on that I hadn't been able to change for days. I was so exhausted and stressed out by the end that I ended up in an argument with my new husband (now ex) and got the first plane home. The only photos from the day are of a cat and kittens we came across in a car park and some roadside camels we saw on the way home

MotherofPearl · 23/04/2017 19:02

Two examples spring to mind:

A relative's wedding where the bride sang a song she'd written for the groom. It was called 'Proud to be your Wife'. She sang it to him and played it on a keyboard. Just excruciating.

A friend's wedding where one of their hippy friends performed a solo dance with 'healing crystals' before the First Dance. Was really hard not to howl with laughter.

truromaid · 23/04/2017 19:07

Very small wedding of a friend from an extremely wealthy background. Just 8 friends there including us, the remaining 15 or so were family. No drinks provided on arrival but after the ceremony the bride's father goes to the bar and returns with a tray of drinks - for family only. Shock

Schoolchauffeur · 23/04/2017 19:13

One where the reception was in a marquee on a village green. After the service bridal party disappeared for 2 hours to have photos taken in brides parents garden ( no one told anyone this was what had happened!). 80 people all standing outside a marquee with nowhere else to go- no village pub and no car as the village was tiny so asked to leave cars at church in car park and we went in 2 coaches.
Caterers said they'd been told not to let us in until bridal party arrived!
In the end it started raining so they relented and let us in. Marquee was too small so there was nothing for it but to sit in our seats in front of our prawn starter which had been sitting there congealing for two hours!!
The rest of the meal was a salad buffet. We left the minute we could and father in law who was driving us had his first and only McDonald's as it was the nearest place we found serving hot food!!

derxa · 23/04/2017 19:20

happy birthday!' Grin

FamilySpartan · 23/04/2017 19:25

A wedding in the middle of nowhere in a nearby country.

Reception is briefly hijacked by some very strange locals who were dressed like the KKK but with what looked like broom bristles on their heads.

Everyone there was utterly smashed by the end of the night, and the B & G had a blazing argument. She ended up telling him not to bother coming to their room so he asked some guests if he could sleep in their hotel room. They very kindly accommodated his request and found somewhere else to sleep. Upon returning to their room the next morning they found the groom had left, but not before bundling up all of the bedding which he had shat all over.

The next day was spent with all the guests sitting around awkwardly nursing hangovers whilst the B & G held an emergency summit to save their union which was all of 18 hours old.

theclick · 23/04/2017 19:54

Groom's speech at a friend's wedding. He was completely drunk and stuck a finger up at her brother who made a really decent speech.

bottleofbeer · 23/04/2017 19:55

My wedding. Sister in law is from the Philippines and apparently was a singer over there. She turned up in white, brought her baby with her (it was child free) and then, in the middle of nowhere gave the DJ a CD to play. She got up, and sang. Prancing around like Tina Turner. It went on for half an hour. Half an hour of absolutely gobsmacked guests wondering wtf she was playing at.

She'd repeatedly asked us to hire karaoke to which we politely refused so this was her alternative. So rude. Fast forward two years to another family wedding and when she was told, bluntly that she wasn't required to sing she threw a huge tantrum and hasn't spoken to any of us since.

TinselTwins · 23/04/2017 19:55

Reception is briefly hijacked by some very strange locals who were dressed like the KKK but with what looked like broom bristles on their heads

Wren boys are good luck, they're not technically supposed to be officially invited. They have no similarities with the KKK other than both featuring pointy bits

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 23/04/2017 19:55

I was mooching in a scruffy pub, wearing scruffy clothes, when a friend roped me in to pad out a wedding. There were only a handful of us. The poor bride was heavily pregnant and shabby. She looked miserable. Her groom was a wiry little bloke who, as soon as we were all back in the pub, suggested he and I sneak off for a quick shag. I made my excuses and left. Mind you, that was about 40 years ago. I don't expect you get many shotgun weddings these days.

I also went to one where, during his speech, the BM said the BG had turned over a new leaf and asked anyone who had a key to his flat bring it up now. Then, of course, about 12 women walked up to the BM, one by one, each holding a key. The last tasteless joke that ended a long super sexist, sometimes obscene, embarrassing speech. The way the BM, the BG and all his laddish mates referred to the bride - and all women - I was sadly certain the marriage wouldn't stick. They didn't even make a year.

bottleofbeer · 23/04/2017 19:59

Oh, perhaps quite importantly. She can't sing. Like, really can't sing!

CPtart · 23/04/2017 20:30

DH best man said his role was like having sex with the queen mother. "A great honour but no-one really wants to do it!"
Cue stony embarrassed silence from DH family. Mine all sniggered!

thefourgp · 23/04/2017 20:41

My own, where the dj started playing the first song while I was at the other side of the hall so I had to run over to make it. Shock A friends where one of the groom's friends started snorting cocaine at the bar, they haven't spoken since. One where the b&g had an all night heavy drinking session the night before and were so drunk that early in the afternoon the bride spilt red wine all down her white dress and didn't bother trying to clean the stain. One where the maid of honour changed into a grotty tracksuit straight after the ceremony and spent all evening with a face like thunder. A relative where the bride fell out with groom because she thought he was spending too much time talking to their guests (he was just being polite) and not enough time talking to her. A close friend had a very expensive wedding in a castle. Guests had to stand waiting in the hall after the meal for two hours before we could get entry to the dance hall. Confused

GooodMythicalMorning · 23/04/2017 20:43

My mums husband (cant call him step) was a complete dick at ours. He was an embarrassment. Hope he doesnt do anything at dsis's.