Little things that put you off going out with someone

[TakeAwayThatCaterpillar]

I was thinking today about the little things over the course of my dating years men have done/said that instantly made me think "nope, not you". They were probably perfectly nice people in retrospect...

1. Looked mildly nonplused about a woman in a picture having underarm hair.

2. Liked Miranda.

3. Used the phrase "wedding tackle".

There are probably countless more. Tell me yours...

3. Spent more than two minutes "grooming" to go out.

Oh god @heidipi

I would have legged it too

Somehow the conversation had got onto sex and he then explained in graphic detail how he loves giving impromptu oral to women, for example whilst they're doing the washing up (but when they're wearing skirt, stockings and heels)

Oh Lord Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

I cant think of anything less sexy than always being under threat of pussy licking attack awful!!

some of these really are true shockers

Picking up a guitar in the middle of a packed music shop and deciding to play ( and sing) Banana Pancakes in 'dedication' to me.

Would never date someone who wore grey joggers out in public.

Dumped someone because he said mid shag "ooo your just like a school girl". Ffs I was 36 and he was 42. How on earth could he remember what a school girl was like to shag?

You're

I am loving this thread whilst secretly thanking God I have never met any of these charmers.

Silently smiled at me the whole way through sex, only breaking the silence occassionally to say "delicious"

cloppy that is so creepy and off putting and hilarious

Wouldn't go into my parents' middle room because he could sense the presence of evil in there.

I'm actually in tears laughing at this thread.

One man said to me 'I can't drink orange juice it makes me go poo poo'

That was the end of him.

Or the man who after we kissed and I said I didn't really want a long term relationship...put his head on my shoulder and sobbed saying 'I just want to find Love '

One planned out our summer together after a couple of dates in Dec/Jan.

Another I met/shifted in a club and arranged to meet the next day. He turned up with 'hair of the dog' breath that made me want to vomit. And he had skinny arms under his leather jacket! Not sure which was worse.

Different guys.

Brought a teddy embroidered with 'I love you' to our first date as a gift.

Fleece throw on his sofa - printed with a picture of a tiger.

Discovered while stalking he had re tweeted various bigoted football crap several months before on his twitter feed.

Banana dick.

Got another one. First date with one guy was at his flat. He was dishing up his home-cooked dinner in the kitchen and I was wandering around his lounge, drinking wine and inspecting his bookcase. Found a not-very-well hidden photo of him and the other girlfriend he'd forgotten to mention. Moments later I saw an army ID card with a date of birth that made him six years older than he'd told me. Two lies uncovered within ten minutes!

I still stayed for dinner. It smelled good, I was hungry, and I'd paid for a bus ticket to get there. Never went back after that though.

His tongue was freezing cold when he kissed me.

Another was a decorator and after our second date sent me what he thought was a cute picture but it was creepy. He wrote "I luv you" on a wall in red paint that dripped down and he was stood under it staring in to the camera pointing at me.

The worst is he would have had to ask one of his mates from work to take the picture. Why didn't anybody stop him???

The funny thing is these men are highly likely to be someone elses Dh on here - the law of averages and all that

I swear that I have pulled a muscle laughing at the "I luv you" message written in blood-style paint.

these are so funny !
I had one date where he introduced me to the people as his " other half " on DATE ONE!!

To the person who said dungarees as a fashion statement, I need to know where this person is from!! I think I may know him surely there can't be many around!!

The funny thing is these men are highly likely to be someone elses Dh on here - the law of averages and all that

I'll have this guy, please:

Silently smiled at me the whole way through sex, only breaking the silence occassionally to say "delicious"

He sounds almost awesomely creepy ( almost ...).

One said "where do you see yourself in 5 years time?"
Ffs. I was tempted to say "Not with you" but instead I said "Are you interviewing me?"

Another said after a couple of dates "If it gets serious we'll have to sleep together at yours as my mum's a Catholic"
It didn't get serious.

For me -
Being overly keen
Saying he loved me after weeks
Being bad in bed
Wouldn't have sex in the shower as that's where you wash yourself!
Moobs
Used to go mmm mmm the whole time he ate
Moved his hips side to side instead of thrusting in and out in doggy.

Funniest thread in a long time!

Cleaned his teeth with the corners of a napkin at a shared table in a rather trendy coffee shop at lunch (then asked me for feedback after the date)

Racist (with weird statements about things like 'the day of reckoning') kicked out and dumped right away

Laughing at how 'old' his brother was who was incidentally the same age as me - date was 2 years younger

Lols in messages

Talking in long one sided monologues about themselves / gym class / bathroom leak to the point where I'm seriously considering just getting up and walking away mid conversation

Long nails and or little tiny hands

Bad teeth