My husband has just caught me doing something terrible and embarrassing...

[PrettyRicky]

My DH came home unexpectedly and I was in the kitchen doing something I probably shouldn't have been doing but which I do every time I'm home alone.

I was having an imaginary interview on Radio 4 Woman's Hour about my new, hugely critically acclaimed novel.

DH walked in just as I was saying to Jane Garvey "That's an interesting question, Jane. The book's really a reflection on womanhood at times of crisis".

He was just stood there at the kitchen door and said "What is? Who's Jane?" and then looked around the corner to our dining table, presumably expecting to find someone called Jane who'd popped around for a brew.

*Twitter, not Tumblr.

Sometimes when I'm acting out I use my characters voice ( I think this is when I'm at the intense stage of planning my work).

Then that voice starts bleeding into real life.

By the end of this Summer I was using a squeaky, sarf London voice all the time.

I present cooking programmes every time I cook
I present workout DVDs every time I go to the gym or do a HIIT
I am being papped for 'exhausted Sparechange leaves the house make-up free' Sidebar of Shame story every time I nip to the shops. I even hide behind my hand while crossing the road to conceal myself from the imaginary photographers

And I give my Oscars acceptance speech while getting dressed in the morning (my highly critically acclaimed book is turned into a film, for which I also screenwriter...)

No I wasn't putting on a RP Radio 4 voice. I was my normal self. In fact, Jane Garvey asked me how my very deprived up-bringing by a dysfunctional single mother and later movement into the very middle class world of academia has helped me to formulate some of my story themes and characters.

Well, Jane, that's a very interesting question....

I do this. I thought I was just a bit weird, it's so nice to find out other people do it

I dont do it out loud I think just in my head, but the facial expressions that go with my 'chatting' are evidently noticeable as DH has given me a few looks on occasion

Only just seen the post about masturbating on the washing machine.

That might have been better. He might have stayed for a quickie rather than just backing out the door looking confused.

No chance of a quickie when I told him I was having an imaginary interview on Radio 4. Not as sexy.

Bluntness

I have imaginary arguments with people but mostly in my head. I'm a lot better at arguing in my head than with actual people.

I've just spilt boiling hot tea down me from trying not to laugh loud and wake the baby. hilarious!

I have been on Desert Island Disks a record number of times. I talk very movingly about how my disfunctional childhood influenced my rise to the meteroic heights of a local government middle manager job.

I do the funeral speech thing too. I've made myself cry many times.

I also narrate when I'm cooking or baking, and replay conversations/arguments from ages ago in which I now think of all the most sparkling/incisive/cutting things to say, that I didn't at the time. Esprit d'escalier is my middle name.

Hilarious - this has completely made my day AND made me feel less of a freak about having imaginary conversations when driving alone in the car explaining to an imaginary audience how I made my fortune, lost vast amounts of weight and generally reached peak success and happiness (whilst simultaneously scoffing down a mars bar quickly before arriving at a job I hate)

Sweepingchange,

"Oh I give imaginary addresses at state funerals whilst making pastry..."

Nearly asphyxiated myself laughing at that one!

OP,

This thread is bloody brilliant. Thanks. I think you should keep the Radio 4 vibe going freak out your DH by adding to your repertoire:

Share your Desert Island Discs with Kirsty Young, whilst singing loudly in the bath/ Chat to Gardeners' Question Time panel, whilst potting up plants etc. etc.

Oh god I love this so much! I can' t stop laughing. I think you're brilliant and I hope Jane didn't mind being rudely interrupted like that!!

So glad other people do this.

When I'm at my dance class on Tuesdays, I pretend I'm part of a documentary called The Tour which follows around a famous singer or group (changes every time) on a world tour. I'm one of the dancers and in dance class, we're rehearsing for the show finale. I'm the unexpected star of the show because I'm beautiful, an amazing dancer and a natural on camera. Luckily, I manage not to say anything out loud, it just all goes on in my head. I think if I didn't imagine all this I'd realise how fucking hard the class is and just die instantly.

X post with BigBadgers...great minds and all that

DH once caught me as I explained to my devoted viewers exactly how I was creating the perfect supper dish, dropping little hints and tips along the way, complete with me having chopped everything up and put it into little wanky cheffy bowls prior to starting to cook.

That's brilliant!!

OP, you are clearly not alone.

Do you know the song "Dark of the Matinee"?
This verse was a revelation to me:

"So I'm on BBC2 now, telling Terry Wogan how I made it
What I made is unclear now, but his deference is and his laughter is
My words and smile are so easy now
Yes, It's easy now
Yes, It's easy now"

EVERYONE DOES THIS! (or at least, I do it, you do it and Franz Ferdinand do it )

I sometimes do the cooking show thing, but mostly I just imagine I am being narrated

Look how gracefully she gets in and out of the car, it's like she was a Royal personage

See how attentive she appears to be when acknowledging the hard day the man of the house has had, look how prettily she tilts her head, imagine how proud he must be to be able to hold her attention. No one would ever imagine she is planning which Groupon offer to purchase, and how to remain undiscovered while eating the last of the Pringles

I hadn't heard of that. Glad famous people do it too! I wonder what imaginary worlds Kim Kardashian creates when she's in the shower?

Brilliant! Glad I'm not the only one that does this! But fear of being caught is also why I do it in my head only, even if I'm alone, except I think I still move my mouth and sometimes accidentally say sentences out loud.

My latest imaginary interviews are where I'm interviewing Trump and I come out with all this great witty one-liners and completely destroy him on live TV.

Also trying to practice interviews I've been having to do lately in real life, for some reason they go so much better in my head...

I do this all the time. Ds's ask me who I'm talking to. I roleplay what I would say, if I got that important meeting/panel that I wanted.

I don't think its THAT uncommon. Well, clearly not!!

Ooo Ooo you should watch Bobby Baker's Kitchen Show and also How to Shop, the Lecture. Pure brilliance

I do it in the car (when I'm alone!), describing how I make certain dishes, how I would decorate a Christmas tree etc etc

... posted to soon sorry. Anyway, she came up with How to Shop she had to sit down laughing, imagining herself broadcasting the intricacies of supermarket shopping