Went in a cafe of the wrong class today. [sad face]

[TiggyD]

There were 2 cafes near each other. I picked the wrong one. I'm lower middle class and the cafe was for middle middle class to about lower upper class. I should have guessed by the little accent they put over the 'e' in the name.

I went in and up to the counter and asked for a sausage roll and a hot chocolate and they didn't give it to me. I was told to go sit at a table. My sausage roll came served on a plate with salad which, and you might not believe this, somebody had drizzled on! I'm guessing it was basil oil or some such frippery, although the cafe with an accent was next to a boating lake the same colour.

I should have gone to the other one where I'm sure I could have just taken the sausage roll in a bag or on a paper plate without being drizzled at.

It's hard being English.

oooh let me tell you about the tiny saucepans of baked beans that came with the full English at a pub in Earls Court last week...my daughter had to stop me from stealing one...

'Polytechnics local bar' - completely confused, do you mean as in college? God I feel like my nan sometimes, my college had a portacabin for a bar and a canteen that looked like Something out of Grange Hill, and as a college it was as middle class as they come.

That looks like a nice, eclectic furniture, 'ooh look at us with our cheezy paintings and easy listening albums' café.

I want a sausage roll now but am also in forrin where the closest thing is a mini frankfurter wrapped in shortcrust pastry

Ye Gads. Do you know what grinds my ginger nuts? When I want a mug of tea. Yes, a MUG. With the tea, milk and sugar already in there together. Preferably in a tin mug. I do not want one of those little twee fucking pots where more tea ends up on the table during pourage. Nor do I want a quaint little milk juggy type thing. No also to the tubes of sugar. And piss orf you little cup with your supposedly ergonomic "handle" that won't even house my little finger. Never mind those tippy sugar things with the funnel type affair atop. WTF is that all about? Are you meant to pour it onto a spoon?? Or straight into the cup?? I assume it's supposed to dispense a teaspoon's worth? But nooooooooo. It's either a grain (singular) or enough to cater for the whole café.

Mantra Vintage Gravy

I have never heard of Five Guys before.

That gravy would have developed its own unique microbiology - like artisanal sourdough or blue cheeses.

"Cheezy paintings"? hazeyjane, how very dare you? Those are Tretchikoff!

Maybe the gravy would be like those Herman cakes, and reproduce itself if left alone?

my daughter had to stop me from stealing one

That would NOT be theft . . .

. . . it is "An Homage" . . .

My local chippy does a fritter that's made of all the leftover bits of food scooped up and fried. Its simply called a fritter so it doesn't sound as yucky

DS was mortified and went and stood outside.

That made me properly larf out loud - I aspire to mortify my DSs in public. Kudos.

YY to proper mugs of tea.

I used to work in a canteen where a huge pot of tea was kept warm on a hotplate. Best tea ever.

Our pub recently had a class transplant. Went from perfectly good boozer to artisanal craft yeasty wheat beers you try before you buy and rock salt on root vegetable "chips".

I'm sorry for your troubles OP

What the fluck is Matacha Latte? Never heard of such a thing.

I am intrigued about this Baby Tapas though...wonder what it is? Pom bears? Bits of banana?

I'm gonna go to Greggs tomorrow and get me a sausage roll with dipping sauce. I might even go in my pyjamas.

lambzig my pleasure...

Why, thank you Pacific. Judging by DS I am rather good at it .

Root vegetable 'chips'?! I'd do time if I were served those in a pub. I can barely tolerate the sweet potato 'chip'. I like sweet potato. Nothing against it per se. It doesn't make chips though. Those aren't chips.

I feel quite strongly about chips.

when servants in cafeterias ask which type of tea i would like i often reply 'british rail', but the artisan often doesn't get it - being under 50 - and just looks puzzled/smug.

Is this a joke? A reverse?

You cannot possibly be British is you need to ask that with a straight face.

As a lower-middle to middle-middle (definitely NOT aspirational), I was amused by the deference with which I was treated in a truckers' cabin caff with pre-school DD. The guy working there called me 'Miss' literally every 3rd or 4th word ('Madam' appears to have virtually disappeared as a form of address amongst most retail staff around here). I was clearly the only woman to have darkened their doors for quite a while. Bloody good cup of tea.

I love matcha lattes and also Five Guys.

But will lower The tone and confess to a freezer full of Greggs sausage rolls.

Love this thread. Thank you for proper titters
My cafe of choice has a hot chocolate menu with 6 types of chocolate and 5 types of milk.
However directly opposite is the full English for £3.99 cafe. Everyone catered for. 🙂

You need to avoid cafés with philosophical musings on blackboards. They are the worst.