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Original poster

I hate having kids

571 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 18:04

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

OP posts:
MrsUnderwood · 14/09/2016 00:04

You know those sensory deprivation experiments where they put you in a dark flotation tank? I regularly fantasise about that.

Wheresthewine36 · 14/09/2016 00:06

Maudlin, ah, fuck, I cried laughing at that Grin
I was given the "the days are long but the years are short" speech by a friends mother a while ago, topped off with "you must cherish every moment...each one is precious." Yeah, easy to say when yours are grown up and have pissed off out of your house. I know it was well intentioned but cherish every moment? Are you fucking sure?! Yesterday, my youngest had a 10 minute meltdown because his toast was hot (what a fucking surprise! ) followed by a 20 minute meltdown because the hot toast had dared to go cold while he was screaming about it being hot. This fucking performance meant we were running late for school, which caused me to forget to pick up DD3's wellies, resulting in tears at the classroom door from her and a look of reproach from her pristine, Miss Honey-esque teacher. Queue 30 minute walk home to retrieve wellies, 30 minute walk back to deliver wellies, only to see DS3 happily playing in the playground in the £25 fucking wellies she fucking "lost" last week, which I had replaced using my haircut fund. I haven't had my fucking hair cut in 2 fucking years!!! If anyone can cherish that shit then they're a better woman than I and I will happily leave my key under the mat for her and will even throw in the remainder of my haircut fund. Which is now the princely sum of £6.50.

MariaCameFromNashville · 14/09/2016 00:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Manoodledo · 14/09/2016 00:17

I've just had a flashback to telling poor 6 month-old DS2, who was an appalling sleeper due to silent reflux, at 3 in the morning (again) that he was ruining my life...Sad

PeppaAteMySoul · 14/09/2016 00:19

I love my son (3) and I will love the baby when he's here but I never expected it to be so hard.

Today I spent most of my time looking at the clock working out how much longer I had until bedtime. When it's 6pm and I know I only have an hour left it's like a huge weight is lifted.

I know I should be enjoying each day and not wishing them away but the endless "How does that work mummy?" And the constant need for me to play cars or trains is really damn hard to enjoy. I just want time to myself. I want to be able to hear myself think. Drink tea when it's still hot. Pee in peace.

Sometimes I thinbk I'm mad for getting pregnant again and then I look at my son and feel awful.

MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 00:48

I remember the midwife visiting when my first one was about five weeks old and saying "Are you enjoying her?" I thought: "She cries, she shits, she feeds then pukes then shits then cries again, all fucking day and night - what sort of a fucking question is that?!"

I often find it very hard, very draining, and mine are 8, 10 and 12. Tbh our lives would be so much easier without the youngest who is ...challenging...but that's a shit thing to say and I totally love the little bugger really. I just find their constant demands, bickering, noise and mess really nerve jangling. There are good times to balance it out, and I love them immensely, but I know for sure I'm not a natural mother type.

I wish I had a Sliding Doors arrangement, and I could dip into a parallel childfree life whenever I wanted, for as long as I felt like it.

Mol1628 · 14/09/2016 00:59

I hate being a parent too. Love my children but hate looking after them. Life was definitely better before they were born.
I often say I wish I could go back in time with the knowledge I have now and just not have any and appreciate child free life.
Which of course makes me hate myself for thinking that...fun.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 14/09/2016 01:05

I thought all I wanted was lots of kids.I've been helping at various clubs and babysitting since I was 12 and have always loved children.

Then I discovered that no, actually I love looking after other peoples children, that I can give back when theyre full of cold and grouchy and that I can take a day off from. Looking after my own kids is shit.

Florathefern · 14/09/2016 01:06

I find playing with my children beyond boring. Sitting on the floor eating plastic food, making toy animals 'talk' when all I want is some headspace to drink a cup of hot tea. My favourite part of the day is just before they fall asleep and I know I can finally get some time to myself. A few hours later DD potters in beside me so even when I'm asleep I can't get time on my own.

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 14/09/2016 01:56

I'm up with my super snotty baby. Dh is asleep. He has his earplugs in. I will get no sleep tonight off the back of 8 months of sleeping for no longer than three hours at a time and will still be expected to function tomorrow.

OP posts:
scrivette · 14/09/2016 02:29

Hope you and the baby have managed to get back to sleep now OP.

Thank you for starting this thread, it's so refreshing to hear others feel the same.

Woobeedoo · 14/09/2016 06:34

DS shit every 5 minutes last night for 90 minutes - clearly a tummy bug, but would he sit on the potty or toilet? No, because "it's scary" so instead had a screaming fit each time poo came out of his bum and soaked into his nappy.

He's also been successfully potty trained for around a month now, as well as being dry overnight too (which I was very impressed at). This morning he woke, said he wanted a wee so I took his dry night-time nappy off, at which point he took one look at the potty, had a meltdown and pissed all over the rug.

DH is having yet another lay in. DS is running a temperature so I'm going to have to take yet another day off work.

Oh crap. The cry of "I dunna poo Mummy" has just started again.

niceupthedance · 14/09/2016 06:46

It was a thread like this which made me sign up to mn - the truth is out there!
I remember being offended when my mum told me if she had her life again she wouldn't have had children. But then I had DS and understood. I was a lone parent through pregnancy, birth and first five years. Omg the bleakness of being desperately ill yourself and having to look after a toddler. The lack of any respite when your child does not sleep for over 2 years. I find the answering back, arguments (DS woke me up for months by punching me in the face, until I managed to teach him a better way was to say good morning), the relentless fucking never ending summer holidays. I love him but I do not like being a mother.

shinynewusername · 14/09/2016 06:52

It's refreshing that - for once on MN - no one has been accused of being depressed for saying that they dislike motherhood. Usually threads with even mild complaints about not enjoying it are full of replies suggesting the OP has PND. It's well-meaning (and of course PND can make parenting very hard), but it gives the message that, if you don't love being a mother, there is something medically wrong with you.

teacher54321 · 14/09/2016 06:58

I haven't had time to rtft so apologies but this just resonated with me. Ds (now 4 1/2) had constipation problems for a year. Even though he's been fine for 8 months I lie awake at night worrying about whether he's pooed or not because obviously he's now started reception etc etc.

I hate worrying about someone else's poo.

That pretty much sums up motherhood for me...

VeryFoolishFay · 14/09/2016 07:21

I've got 4 DC ranging from 8 to 24. Actually day to day life is quite mellow with only the 8 year old and 16 year old still at home.

BUT the elder one wet the bed every night till he was 12. The younger one has had constipation / overflow bowel issues every day requiring 3 or more changes of clothes a day until just a few months ago.

I sometimes feel my life has been lived under a tsunami of bodily functions.

darceybussell · 14/09/2016 07:24

I don't have any children. Ive been umming and ahhing for a couple of years about whether to do it or not, and THIS is what I'm afraid of. What if I do it and I hate it, and there's no going back once you've done it!

In the past if I have dared to say this in real life some people have looked at me with horror! But I knew some people must dislike being a parent and I wasn't being completely ridiculous.

I'm leaning toward not having any now - I like my life, what if I have a kid and completely ruin it!

Original poster
Throughautomaticdoors · 14/09/2016 07:33

I spent an hour convincing my 7 year old to go to sleep last night. I've just spent twenty minutes arguing with him and eventually threatening to get him out of the bed that he wouldn't get into last night. At the weekend he will be up at about 6am. In the week he has to be removed almost forcibly. The baby is full of cold and I've caught it. Neither of us have slept. Today I look 160 years old and I feel even older.
I just want to go back to bed!

OP posts:
CathFromCooberPedy · 14/09/2016 07:52

I sent this thread to dh so he can see actually it is normal and OK to find life with dc fucking miserable even though l love both.

Dd2 is 1 and is just in a hard stage. She eats everything, enjoys licking the pram wheels, followed by sudacreme and any old shit on the ground. I have actually stopped rushing in when dd1 tells.

The good bits are fucking fantastic but by God they are very few and far between these days.

And the very worst is l absolutely do not want any more but my bastard body is getting broody. What the fuck is that??

Notfastjustfurious · 14/09/2016 07:52

I'm working from home today and both dc have gone to nursery but I haven't actually done any work yet because I'm enjoying the silence. There's nobody here and it's fanbloodytastic. Of course getting to this point in the day wasn't easy my 4 year old cries and whines about every little thing from which socks to wear to denying she needs the loo but they're gone now till 6pm. I can pee by myself Grin

Dowser · 14/09/2016 08:17

It's hard. It really is hard. I had three under 4 and met the poor sod last week who had 4 under three and a half . I must admit she was solo laid back in a way I wasn't.

My first was a joy and a breeze a proper text book baby. I thought they all came like that but the second one was off the scale. The third had health problems and minor disabilities.
As a baby, he was sleeping better than the middle one who led us a merry dance.
I often felt like I was on a runaway horse clinging on for grim death but I loved them all so deep,y I just wish it had been an easier ride and I wasn't so worn out all the time .

Would I change anything. No, not a bit. Apart from the fact I just wish it had been easier.

Florathefern · 14/09/2016 09:20

Id change stuff, I'd change nearly everything. :-(

Florathefern · 14/09/2016 09:20
  • stuff
MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 09:25

I definitely love them; I just don't love all the shit that comes with them. I don't think it gets any easier as they older, you're just presented with a different sets of challenges.

Robinkitty · 14/09/2016 09:30

I always think the phrase " your only ever as happy as your least happy child" is very accurate for me.
I should be happy right now but my son is having problems at school so I'm sat here crying, when they are ill I'm anxious. When I'm away from them I feel quilty because I know they'd rather be with me and I miss them.