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I hate having kids

571 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 18:04

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

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Capricornandproud · 13/09/2016 21:30

I too am nodding vigourously at all these posts!!

It just. Doesn't. Stop. The wanting you then hitting you, the mind changing, the unreasonableness of 3 year olds, no restorative sleep in nearly 4 years, pregnancy RUINING my body.... Throw in a cold, first week of nursery, just back from a holiday dealing with the same daily shit in 90 degrees of heat while trying to work on a cruise ship while useless DH sits on his arse in the cabin ... Things are just hell here. And today, made a coffee, put it on the sideboard to sit down for 10 mins peace and DS climbs up for one of his 'cuddles' (which always leave me fucking bruised as he's so rough) and poured scalding coffee down my arm and back. And, of course, over the sofa that I just painstakingly fucking cleaned before the holiday.

Promptly burst into tears of pain, frustration, exhaustion, and primarily relief that I took the brunt of the scalding liquid and it missed him, but FUCK. I would murder for him but, honestly, given the time again, I would not be 'not' trying anymore and taking that Pill religiously. I think this last 2 weeks have put paid to any notions of a Number 2 DC. Flowers and Wine everyone xx

Annaanaconda · 13/09/2016 21:32

I am so glad I found this thread. I feel exactly the same and its so good to know I'm not alone! I have one son who has autism. He's a good kid and well behaved for the most part, but the worry is immense. I remember reading books when pregnant where women wrote about how much confidence being a mother gave them. For me its the exact opposite. All my confidence disappeared after he was born and I feel I have no identity.

The crapiness has been compounded today by a good friend who is childless (by choice) posting photos on Facebook from her wonderful holiday in Las Vegas and her night time helicopter ride to see the Vegas lights. sigh!

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 21:34

Well at least it's not just me since according to FB motherhood is the best job ever.
It's when people talk about something indescribably shit and then go 'but it's all worth it.' And I'm thinking, is it?

I had four years of secondary infertility too so you'd think I'd be appreciating it a bit more, but nope.

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QueenLizIII · 13/09/2016 21:35

Does anyone wish they really hadnt done it?

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 21:37

Well part of me feels like I can't say I wish I hadn't had them because let's be clear, now I do have them if anything happened to them I would be utterly bereft. However the fear of something happening to them is part of why I wish I hadn't had them. Does that make any sense?!

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Artistic · 13/09/2016 21:37

I have a similar age gap and this same problem drove me mad for the whole first year. Finally I started putting DD1 to bed first & DD2 after, until 12 months when it automatically moved the other way round. Now DD2 is tired enough to not be easily woken so it's working out ok. Save your sanity & adjust sleep times to suit you, there is no need to follow any rules...

That apart - yes, it was lovely before. Sigh.

formerbabe · 13/09/2016 21:38

It's hard but I know if I hadn't have had children, I'd have been very unhappy. It's a hard decision and there is no middle ground.

HariboFrenzy · 13/09/2016 21:38

I've found my people!

Have one ds, 15 months and still waiting for it to get easier. No actually, what I'm still waiting for is sleep. Lovely sleep. I know it's not the case but when you're sleep deprived and feeling 'woe is me' it feels like no-one we know has such a crap sleeper.

My mum said to me the other day that I ought to think carefully about whether to have dc2 as she'd be worried for my mental health. That makes me feel really crap. I always intended to have 2, but don't know how or if I'd survive years of more sleep deprivation.

Did I mention I need sleep?

Mrstumbletap · 13/09/2016 21:38

I want to applaud every post on here!!

I thought it was just me! Why doesn't anybody say this in real life? Are people pretending?

This has helped me as I couldn't decide if we should have number 2, I think we should stick with one....

megletthesecond · 13/09/2016 21:38

badders and pats plus you get to read a magazine in peace.
My brain is so screwed up I think my last holidays were 2009 (hysterectomy) and winter 2013 (dreadful flu type virus when my family had to rally round). Then I remember that normal people wouldn't consider that a break.

QueenLizIII · 13/09/2016 21:39

Well part of me feels like I can't say I wish I hadn't had them because let's be clear, now I do have them if anything happened to them I would be utterly bereft. However the fear of something happening to them is part of why I wish I hadn't had them. Does that make any sense?!

yes it does Flowers

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 21:41

I have actually just laughed out loud at 'I think my last holidays were 2009 (hysterectomy)...

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IDoAllMyOwnStunts · 13/09/2016 21:41

I had all my wisdom teeth out in hospital as a day patient when my two were babies. God I enjoyed that hospital stay. Time just for me to have my own thoughts. I was hoping there'd be some sort of complication so I could stop the night.

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 21:42

Yeah people pretend because they don't want to admit how shit it really is.

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auntyemaily · 13/09/2016 21:43

munch ha! That is just perfect.

Queen I can't say that. Although the "whose stupid idea was this" thought does flit through my head regularly. The actually daily grind of parenting is Hard Work and I do think if money were no object I would subcontract a large percentage of the drudgery. This would also free up some space for me and even us as a couple (total fantasy right now). But I don't regret having the children and they are wonderful/funny/clever in about equal amounts as they are unreasonable sleep thieves.

Agree re fantasising about hospital stay. Worryingly have also started picturing self in lovely quiet nursing home, doing crosswords and reading large print books. Looking forward to this waaaay too much.

SemiNormal · 13/09/2016 21:44

Ahh so this is where my people are

I have a 6 year old. Single mum, ex has fucked off and is now on baby number 4 with the 4th woman, not interested in any of the kids. Wanker.

To say parenthood is hard is an absolute understatement, so WHY do some people have such big broods? I have a panic attack just thinking about being a mum of 4 or more. People need to be way more honest about parenthood, I sometimes feel I was duped!

Of course my son is the love of my life, I adore him - but fuck does he test my patience. The fucking about at bedtime, the mess, the blocking the sink with Lego, the hand prints on walls, the sleepless nights, the sick bugs. He's now taken to telling me he's hearing voices in his head, as mental health problems run in the family on both sides I'm fucking shitting myself, he tells me these voices tell him to 'do bad things'. Sorry for the long post - feel free to ignore but it feels good to get it off my chest.

enoughsleepmakesmesmile · 13/09/2016 21:44

" had four years of secondary infertility too so you'd think I'd be appreciating it a bit more, but nope."

similar experience here. Don't underestimate the trauma of secondary infertility (or any infertility) it is a right mind f*. Mine is some years ago now but I am not the carefree person I once was. But as my dc are growing and becoming a little less full on I feel myself relaxing here and there.

"However the fear of something happening to them is part of why I wish I hadn't had them. Does that make any sense?!"


Badders123 · 13/09/2016 21:45

Yes makes sense to me too!
Hello Meg! (It is I, Becaroo!!!)
I love my kids so much. But part of that love is the terror of anything bad happening and that's hard to cope With sometimes - esp as we nearly lost ds1 when a baby.
My body is fucked.
Properly fucked.
I'm 44 next month and feel 84
Peri menopause doesn't help matters!

SlipperyJack · 13/09/2016 21:45

I ended up in A&E last year with suspected appendicitis. I was gutted to be told (after much prodding and testing) that it was only retrograde menstruation and that I should just go home, rest (ha bloody ha) and take painkillers. I was looking forward to a nice general anaesthetic and a few days in hospital! Grin

LokisUnderpants · 13/09/2016 21:46

It's the stupid idea that the nuclear family is the right way. In places like India the whole family, grandparents aunts and uncles live communally and share all of the work. Childcare, laundry, cooking, cleaning etc.

We stupidly believe that one person, Mum, needs to do it all. It takes a village to raise a child.

HonkHonkNose · 13/09/2016 21:46

Munch Grin

And why do I end up being friends with teachers at toddler groups, who love being with kids? Makes me feel even shitter!

This is a great thread, very supportive and honest.

IDoAllMyOwnStunts · 13/09/2016 21:48

I think the fantasies re hospital stays are due to the thought of someone else looking after you for a change.

Mine are teens now and I did stop in hospital overnight last year for an op to put back together my ruined fanjo. I was nearly weeping with gratitude at the nurses, food, clean sheets. It was wonderful.

I heard a quote that having kids was like constantly cleaning up after a party you hadn't attended. Thought that was quite apt.

enoughsleepmakesmesmile · 13/09/2016 21:48

slippery Grin Grin Wine

1Potato2 · 13/09/2016 21:48

Thank you all.

I struggle with the guilt of working full time (if I'm honest, it's because it's the easier option) and hate smelling another woman's perfume on them at the end of the day. I work a compressed week, so I try very much to appreciate my Fridays.

I've struggled since dc1 dropped naps (6 weeks after dc2 arrived). I'm an introverted person and the lack of down time is awful. I end up going to bed far too late just so I can have peace. I hated the sleepless nights, it's like I couldn't get any respite, ever. I felt like a slave.

I do love them, but if I could have more hours in the day when I'm not working or looking after children I would be happier in general. Just more time to be 'me'.

HonkHonkNose · 13/09/2016 21:49

No offence at all to teachers btw.

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