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I hate having kids

571 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 18:04

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

OP posts:
FoodPorn · 13/09/2016 20:20

Me too. I've DCs aged 3 and 1 and was thinking to start this thread myself. I love them so much but it is soul destroying. I fantasise about my life before having them. The days looking after them are so long. I don't think I'm a good parent (beyond the basics of keeping them alive).

Puppymouse · 13/09/2016 20:21

I have one. Who sleeps brilliantly but my God I'm still struggling. Totally understand Flowers

WhatsGoingOnEh · 13/09/2016 20:24

I feel exactly the same. :(

Do you think it's harder for our generation than for others? Maybe having kids later is harder than earlier. We've seen a glimpse of another life, and then lost it. Maybe?

Or maybe it's because our generation seems to put children first in a way that might never have happened before? Victorian kids used to have jobs, ffs. Mine can't even put their dirty pants in the Iaundry basket

If I could do it all over again, I'd either not have had children, or been MUCH MUCH MORE STRICT right from the very start.

Moondance87 · 13/09/2016 20:27

I need to comment on this thread.
I have one dc
I was never sure I wanted to be a mum.
I KNEW my life would be exactly how it is right now and I wasn't sure that's what I wanted.
I knew I'd obviously be the primary carer and would have to sacrifice my career at least for a few years
My house wouldn't be cleaned or decorated to my standards
I wouldn't have time for the gym as much
I can't just go to the city for a night out or a wander around selfridges...and BUY myself something frivolous and unnecessary.

My sleep is disrupted. My relationship with dh has suffered because I resent the amount of time he gets to himself.
I feel pissed off that he always defaults to me. Your a parent too goddammit what do YOU THINK. And that at weekends he FUCK UP DC ROUTINE AND I'm the one who needs to get up through the night.

I LOVE MY DC absolutely. But I won't be doing it again.
Sorry this is epic post but man it feels good

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme · 13/09/2016 20:29

Yep same here..I'm counting the days till they all leave home..the youngest is 6.. I've a while yet

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme · 13/09/2016 20:32

It's coz we were lied to..told we could have it all,yeah have a career have family,have a degree,you can do it all...while men watch us getting ground down and in my case failing miserably

formerbabe · 13/09/2016 20:35

It's coz we were lied to..told we could have it all,yeah have a career have family,have a degree,you can do it all...while men watch us getting ground down and in my case failing miserably

This is so true...aren't we lucky we can now work and do ALL the housework/childcare?!

Yayme · 13/09/2016 20:37

Yes my mother's generation had the right idea - career or kids. If you can manage both you are a better woman than me.

ssd · 13/09/2016 20:38

I was never told I could have it all, but somehow I seem to put everyone first without even thinking about it

I need to be selfish but I'm not

Its a habit and I hate it

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 13/09/2016 20:41

It's like being held hostage.
We have 2 DCs, 7.5 and 5.5.

DH and I say daily: "If it's this hard for us, just imagine what it's like for SN parents/single parents/ill parents/parents who hate each other/their jobs.
It's just ... relentless.
"Prepare for 98% hell and 2% heaven" as one of my best friends said.

twocultures · 13/09/2016 20:42

Such an honest thread!!! It's lovely and refreshing!
I didn't really know if I ever wanted kids then I fell pregnant with DS (without trying).
I love him so much but I go through phases when I hate being a mum, sometimes it's just a couple of hours through the day sometimes it's days at a time. I feel like now that I am a mum there's a completely different set of rules and expectations I should adhere to/fulfil and I'm not always ready for that.

There are times when I think if I never fell pregnant accidentally I would not have decided to have children .... But then when I look at my DS I realise how much I would've missed out on too.

My DP desperately wants another DC at some point (I'd imagine within the next 5 years or less) and I said after we tie the knot, deep down I'm terrified of having 2 DCs and I'm having terrible images in my head of completely loosing my identity, on the other hand I can tell my DS would love a sibling and I don't want to let my DP down who's a fantastic hands on dad and loves kids...

happyfrown · 13/09/2016 20:42

I struggle with being a mum, I don't enjoy it at all. I really wish I could have that feeling other mums have but I just cant handle it.
they are here now and I love them and do whats best for them but if I knew then...
life pressures dont help either, when I was a child I was 'a child' playing out, seeing friends, being goofy, it was safer then too. now -a days children are sent homework from school in nursery! given test after test, this puts strain on both parent and child. kids go out get bullied for goofing around its all about the latest gadgets and competition who's got newest trainers!
I cant afford the latest xbox or trainers. all I get is 'mum can I get' .....

to top it off they end up with student debt, those who do go uni or finish higher education don't have no jobs to go to so end up living at home. cant afford to move out of the parent home so under their feet.... GOD I sound like im reading to far ahead but going by my family - my brother is 30yrs old is still living at home.

chibsortig · 13/09/2016 20:45

My youngest two don't eat, sleep or like to wash they are 3 and 19mths, they do however like to trash my house, garden and scream like banshee's.
When they do fall asleep i feel like i've gone deaf it rarely last long though.
90%of the time they don't like their dad which means he has a perfect excuse to get out of the way. I spend my days wishing they didn't like me.

Notfastjustfurious · 13/09/2016 20:45

This was me today standing at a sink full of dishes while they fought over who had Marshall and who to have Skye muttering to myself that I never wanted bloody kids anyway. My 4 year old goes on and on and on about whatever has popped into her head (Halloween is topic dejour) and I just can't get headspace or sleep thanks to my 2 year old. Thankfully I work part time so tomorrow they go to nursery and I'll miss then until they come home and start all over again. But hey they'll be 21 soon right? Right??

BingBongBingBong · 13/09/2016 20:48

I have a 2.10yo and 10month old. I don't even know who I am any more. I feel like I've lost my identity completely. I'm a shadow of what I used to be. I love and adore them both. I would do anything for them. Anything. But my DH works away during the week and I didn't realise it would be this hard.

Hateloggingin · 13/09/2016 20:49

I have a full time city type job, DH works abroad a lot. We have 2 dds, 6 year old and an 11 year old. 6 year old is the light of my life, so happy, fun etc but she won't sleep in her own bed, this means dh and I haven't slept in same bed for months. Yes I could do rapid return with her but after the 8th time at night I give in because I just need to go to sleep :(

My 11 year old has just started her periods, it's like living with the devil, slamming doors, shouting crying, my head bitten off if I ask if she wants jam or butter on toast... And then I go to work.

I haven't even washed my hair properly for weeks. By the time I've finished work I'm too tired/depressed to do anything but lie here mn'ing.
I'm with you all Wine

chocolateworshipper · 13/09/2016 20:49

God thank you so much OP. I have been thinking exactly the same thing for a while now, and felt too ashamed to express it. I have two teens and the laziness drives me utterly insane. One has been though the most horrendous mental health problems, so I've had months of hardly sleeping and being petrified every time the phone rang. Of course there have been lots of happy times, but if I had known how bad the bad times would be ....

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 13/09/2016 20:49

I second the people fantasising about being sent to prison or hospital.
I would have had a proper mental breakdown had mine not started nursery a couple of days a week around 12 months.
Anybody who has not been in sole charge of a toddler for 8 h or more, 5 days in a row, can ever understand what it's like.

Itis6oclocksomewhere · 13/09/2016 20:51

Can I join in?
I'm finding it really hard at the moment.
My eldest has been ill and we've been tied to the house more than we would normally.
Combine that with the guilt that I haven't been able to take the other children out as much over the summer holidays.
I work from home so it's not affecting my work too much, but it has caused some problems at time.
Feeling a bit resentful of DH too. Not sure why as he has a stressful job, but he gets to commute to and from work in a car on his own, which sounds like bliss to me!
I'm sure it's just a phase and I just need to see it through.
Normal service will be resumed soon...won't it?!

2littlepiggies · 13/09/2016 20:51

Someone posted on a thread like this before. I'll link her quote as it always resonated with me. It's more about maternity leave than parenting in general:

this is the GREATEST SECRET that men have kept from women - it is easier to go into work tired than it is to sit at home holding a baby who needs 100 per cent attention and care to be kept alive.

Maternity leave is the most exhausting time - just sick sick with tiredness and constant anxiety about the baby. Going into work is not as tiring as that!

so please dont feel bad. remember, your husband gets tea breaks/ commuting time (peace) and sits and stares into space at work

If being on maternity leave was really easier than work - why aren't men fighting to take months off to look after newborns ???

mrscee · 13/09/2016 20:51

Thank god it's not just me, it's the constant monotamy of it. They are the best thing in the world however they can be little shitbags quite a lot of the time. I don't understand the folk that just keep having more and more kids all the time are they nutters!

happyfrown · 13/09/2016 20:52

i feel i left me behind when i had my first child. i have no identity of who I am. i am JUST MUM.
my career, friends and life as i knew it stayed back in year 2000 Sad

ifcatscouldtalk · 13/09/2016 20:53

I found sleep deprivation so crippling, it changed my whole personality. I crashed the car i was so tired! I decided to stop at one child. I personally found the first 2 years the hardest, but you can get a shit day whatever their age. I think everyone would agree the worry never stops!

ThisIsNotWhatIWasAfter · 13/09/2016 20:57

Thank god for mumsnet. It makes me so sad that all of you feel like this, like me, and have nowhere else to say it. This too shall pass, that's the mumsnet prayer motto right? I take my hat off to all the SAHM I'd lose what's left of my mind if I didn't have work.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 13/09/2016 20:58

Plus, it's so sodding expensive.
And it ruins your body, irrevocably.
And steals your looks.
And trashes your house.

... What's the point? Seriously. What's the point?

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