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I hate having kids

571 replies

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 18:04

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 13/09/2016 20:59

dianamitford I'm a working lp and sometimes dream about boarding school for my two Envy . I'd be a lovely weekend parent.

notlost hourly muttered "fucks sakes" in this house. On bad days I poke my tongue out at them when their hollering at me from another room.

ssd · 13/09/2016 20:59

I suppose the point is the way you would do anything for them, anything to protect them, even when you have a running away fund stashed away....

auntyemaily · 13/09/2016 21:00

Wow thanks for starting this thread, I regularly feel the same. My eldest, although a lovely lovely boy, is very intense and high maintenance. Recently he had his first couple of nights away with the GPs and to my guilt and shame I absolutely didnt miss him at all. I could never admit this IRL as it sounds so awful.
Had the same problem as pp with him waking the baby plus not sleeping (at 4!!) and being generally highly strung, it was just so peaceful. Obviously I was thrilled to see him when he got back. When he's asleep or we get a rare quiet moment I can stare at him and be moved to tears at how much i love him and how proud I am. But the relentless cooking/providing snacks/ picking up stuff All Day Long really is so very much harder than I had realised before deciding to have kids.
I feel all the worse as mine were a result of fertility treatment and desperately wanted, they are very much loved children but bloody hell am I glad that I've returned to work and get a few days "off" per week.
I'm sad to read people feel this level of fatigue carries on even when the children are a bit older. I've been kidding myself this is just s result of having small children Sad

Wanderingbluebell · 13/09/2016 21:04

Sleep deprivation is the killer. So hard to deal with it all with brain fog. 5 years of broken sleep and counting!

ThisIsNotWhatIWasAfter · 13/09/2016 21:05

Wine Chocolate Cake and Flowers for all of you doing your best in the face of the monotony, sleeplessness, ingratitude, bickering, nagging, whining and DPs (if you're lucky enough to have one) who are oblivious.

Badders123 · 13/09/2016 21:05

Oh god.
The not sleeping.
For YEARS
I can honestly say I have not had a good nights sleep in 14 years.
And frankly, it's starting to show :(

Badders123 · 13/09/2016 21:06

I don't think I will ever "catch up" the sleep I've missed over the years...
My cortisol levels must be through the roof!

NameChanger22 · 13/09/2016 21:08

Looking after children is very hard work. I think that's why women have ended up doing of it for hundreds of years.

auntyemaily · 13/09/2016 21:09

To add, don't know if it's just me but I actually loved the baby days, maternity leave ( the first time) and was very wrapped up in doing everything for the baby and being lovely kind earth mother type. It was around the 2.5 age where I suddenly had to deal with challenging behaviour and non compliance where it started dawning on me maybe I wasn't the chilled out patient mother I had hoped I would be.

Badders123 · 13/09/2016 21:09

I had an Mri scan last year
I was looking forward to it...20 minute lie down, no one asking me for stuff and with headphones on!
Bliss!

3luckystars · 13/09/2016 21:09

Yeah I am a person who loves sleeping and hates cleaning, having children was a bit mad alright!

Op it's just exhaustion talking, you are wrecked, everyone feels like that when they are that tired. Focus on getting as much sleep as you can, nothing else matters.

SlipperyJack · 13/09/2016 21:10

I'm nodding vigorously at all your posts!

My DC1 slept OK, but was massively high needs while awake (turned out to be ASD). DC2 screamed with colic for 3 hours every night for EIGHT FUCKING MONTHS and didn't sleep through until age 2. I was so utterly exhausted and depressed by it all (working 3 days a week at that point, no family help at all, husband with a long hours job) that one day I found myself googling painless ways to kill myself Blush

Things have got better since then (obviously, as I'm still here). I know my DC are pretty decent kids - people tell me they are. But some days I would give a year of my life if they would just. Stop. Talking. It's incessant and somehow I can't tune it out. It leaves me unable to do things like complete a short trip to the stupormarket without forgetting the one item I bloody went for!

I too mutter "for fuck's sake" when I hear "muuuuuumm...."

I'd stand in front of a charging rhino for them. But I'd still probably be turning round and saying "please, just shush for a few minutes!"

Badders123 · 13/09/2016 21:10

I'm the opposite AM
I HATED the baby stage with a passion.
Quite like older children who can wipe their own arse
πŸ˜€

girlandboy · 13/09/2016 21:11

somehow I seem to put everyone first without even thinking about it

I need to be selfish but I'm not

And this is why last month when I had a complete meltdown I ran away. With DH's blessing I went away for a few days on my own.
I love them, I missed them (sort of) but it was good to be alone. And I cried on the way home because although it was good to go home, I didn't want them to be there. Sad

Throughautomaticdoors · 13/09/2016 21:12

It is a lie that you can have it all.
I for example feel like I can hardly have anything at the moment and do a reasonable job.

I'm so tired I could weep and my baby is still wide awake and too full of cold to drink any milk. I've had no dinner. I haven't had time for a shower. I still need to iron ds's shirt for tomorrow and do his lunchbox. And put away about nine million things. Frankly I just want to go to sleep and forget about everything but that's not going to happen. I can't decide if people going on about how brilliant motherhood is are liars or if I'm abnormal.

OP posts:
JacobFryesTopHatLackey · 13/09/2016 21:12

Oh good. This is thread I needed to see today. Hey badders
Ds2 has been non stop noise making for the entire day. Car noises, engine noises, alarms, gun fire. Non stop. Ds1 is non verbal and has PECs cards so I frequently get pictures shoved under my nose.

I just want silence. And no one jumping on me. Or asking for things. Or showing me pictures of things. And why are they always where your arse is about to land or directly behind you?

I'm back to uni in January and I cannot fucking wait. There's an hour and a half commute each way Grin

Badders123 · 13/09/2016 21:16

Hey mouse πŸ˜€
Ugh. The touching. The little sweaty hands all over you. I'm a tactile person, but...ugh.
And it's been soooo hot today
Some days it gets to about 4pm and I feel like "right, that's it. I'm all touched out for today. Go away"
I dont, of course. But I feel like it.

Badders123 · 13/09/2016 21:17

Get some podcasts downloaded mouse!
πŸ˜€

pleasemothermay1 · 13/09/2016 21:18

I am with you dd 3 decided to take of said jelly shoe and throw in into a bush

I couldn't retrieve so she had to walk home with one shoe I bet you can guess how that went

RebelandaStunner · 13/09/2016 21:21

I thought it was easy until they hit 12, then the shit hit the fan.
We have muddled through the teen years (still here, but a light at the end of the tunnel now) some bits great other bits any one of us could have buggered off with all the hassles, but we're still here!

NameChanger22 · 13/09/2016 21:24

My hat goes off to anyone with more than one child and to anyone who chooses to home educate.

I do think it gets easier as children get older, although I haven't hit the teenage years yet. I'm hoping to get one of those sensible, quiet teenagers who read all the time. Smile

enoughsleepmakesmesmile · 13/09/2016 21:25

"Like just piss off with shouting mummmmmm! At the top of your voice just as the baby goes to sleep."

I hear you Thanks The rage I felt when this has happened is something else. I wouldn't show it of course other than a slightly hissing tone of voice.

My dc was a terrible sleeper until about 4. By the time no 2 arrived I was a bit of a sleep deprived wreck. Just coming out of now, slowly.
It's the best thing and life is much better than before I had kids but they are so very trying at times.

PatsHatOnTheCat · 13/09/2016 21:27

I've been a single parent to 3DC for 8 years now. No ex on the scene. It's relentless and largely unrewarding.

I had a week in hospital 3 years ago. I fucking LOVED it! Slept like a log, got fed, did fuck all.

I still dream about it.

I love them but given my time again, my choices would be very very different.

MunchMunch · 13/09/2016 21:28

This is me daily...

I hate having kids
kidsandcatseverywhere · 13/09/2016 21:29

I wanted to add what happened when my last dc was 6 weeks old. I was ill with pnemonia I collapsed and the first thing they did at the hospital was talk about whether I could have the baby with me on a side room . I said NO. I feel so guilty about that now as I was in hospital without her for a couple of weeks (visiting was banned for most of it because of sickness bug).

But

I needed to get better alone and not be a mum. I was really really unwell and i did get really bad pnd after and trouble bonding with her. BUT she is 11 months old now and deep down I know it was the right choice to "abandon" her at that time.

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