I hate having kids

[Throughautomaticdoors]

I love them but I hate being a parent. It's dull, it's relentless, it's worrying, it's thankless, it's demanding, it's monotonous, it's exhausting.
I'd throw myself under a bus for them but being a parent has made me totally and utterly miserable. My first one didn't sleep through until he was 4 and a half and the second one is also a terrible sleeper. I'm starting to think it's something I've caused as everyone else I know has had at least one good sleeper.
I can't wait for them to grow up.

[Lorelei76]

woo "This thread should be made compulsory reading for teenagers to put them off unprotected sex and teen pregnancies! It should also go in classics.

I think we have been sold a lie. Motherhood ain't all that. Nobody tells you because they all want you to be in the same boat as them. Or, they won't admit their real feelings for fear of being made to feel abnormal for not loving any minute of it."

I think it should be compulsory for anyone considering parenthood.

Thank you for your honesty.

[Lorelei76]

• compulsory reading, that should say!

[Overshoulderbolderholder]

I have older DC then started again. I've been beating myself because I think I'm lazy now, but maybe I've just run out of steam... This thread brought tears to my eyes.. Very honest.. Made me feel much less alone, I thought everyone else had got it right and I was defective for not loving my role lately. My latest challenge is to deal with pre-teen tantrums and rudeness, which is leaving me drained and down. 💐 to all xx ... And I also love my DC more than anything which makes me feel very guilty for posting this.... I half remember the first time around as being quite enjoyablefor a fair amount of the time when they were little...I highly recommend a pair of huge rose coloured goggles ... Just like mine ...😉

[Stripyhoglets]

I don't feel ive mafe a mistake all of the time anymore now they are older (15 and 11) but I am medicated for stress these days! It's the fear of something happening to them that's destroyed me. And once they stopped arguing all the time - that's helped immensely.

[formerbabe]

I know everyone says that it gets easier but mine are both at primary school now and it's worse! They argue all the time, answer me back and have vastly different interests. They are also still so young that they need a babysitter if we want to go out and childcare if I go back to work.

[KatherineMumsnet]

We've had lots of requests to move this over Classics, so we're going to do just that.

[DustyBustle]

I adore my children and I love being their Mum, but when I've been 'muuuum'ed for the gazilionth time in an hour I do say (in my head) oh please fucking fuck off.

[Bigfatnope]

Thank god im not the only one. If id have known what it was like i wouldnt have fucking done it. I love my 1 year old so much, but he is literally the worlds worst sleeper and i feel it has distroyed me as a person. I feel so angry all the time that i cant just have 1 hour to myself or i can just please myself for an afternoon. I hate it. I hate being a parent. Its so so so so so hard. I feel ive aged 20 years. I fantasise about just leaving dh and ds and never coming back. But i love them both and i would hate to not be with them...this paradox is so confusing and you feel guilty for enjoying any time away from them!

[saffronwblue]

I think I have utterly lost the person I used to be. This year I have had a bit more time to myself and instead of bouncing back as I have been waiting to do for 18 years (!) I have realised just how physically, emotionally and mentally wrecked I have been through motherhood.
I don''t regret having them, but I do regret the impact of them.

[Msqueen33]

My three year old once again woke me at three am. Mine have gotten easier as they've gotten older now 7,6 and 3 but the younger two have autism and that time was awful. So it couldn't get worse.

[LeaveMyWingsBehindMe]

I second the people fantasising about being sent to prison or hospital.

When I went into hospital to have DC3 the nurse expected me to want to go home within hours. I was quite hoping to be allowed to stay for two or three days to bond with the new baby and get some proper rest. I was looking forward to the break.

She said something along the lines of 'Don't be ridiculous. you've done all this twice before, you have no need to be here. It's not a holiday camp you know. Pack your bags and fuck off home.'

Well she didn't actually say that, but that's exactly what she meant.

[nightandthelight]

When DS was a newborn I did consider committing a minor crime so I could have a night in prison. Don't think it would have been as restful as I was imagining

[benbry]

I wonder how many men daydream about spending the night in a cell.

[Florathefern]

Even if I had time to myself, I don't have any energy to do anything!

I used love shopping, now if I go shopping which is rare without at least one child, I spend my time in a coffee shop just zoned out. I can't remember when I last finished a book as I can't loosen up enough to relax to do so.

[AuldYow]

This thread is just what I needed, honesty and not the picture perfect family scene.

I had another morning of bickering, muuuuuummmm, more bickering thank god they've gone to school. How anyone homeschool's them is beyond me, I've always felt a failure in the past but this thread has made me realise maybe I'm not.

I spent all day yesterday cleaning and within 10 minutes of them being home I may as well not bothered.

The most annoying head fuck is that I love them to pieces and wouldn't be without them but they do my head in!

[AuldYow]

Oh yeah and my youngest never slept through properly and regularly until he was 8 YEARS old

[PuntCuffin]

Thank you for this thread. I was in tears of rage and frustration trying to get my boys to school on time this morning and feeling like the worst mother in the world for screeching at them (again!). They have a good life - nice prep school, nice house etc, we are lucky and well off compared to many, but I still resent the fact that I have ended up having to work full time in a job I now hate to afford it for their benefit. And they are so fucking ungrateful. This is not the life I wanted.

Reading this thread and my tears have moved to tears of relief that I am not alone. And relief that the older one is away tonight and the little one will be in bed by 7.30 and I can drink wine and try to enjoy my husband's company without hearing 'muuuummmm' from their bedroom as they lie in bed calling each other names and refusing to shut the fuck up.

[mixety]

A really interesting thread to read. I don't have children and don't want them. However I worry that one day I'll regret not having them, and hate the pressure of the biological clock, which I feel more and more keenly as I approach mid-30s.

Sometimes I think "should I just try to get pregnant and trust that that biological overwhelming love for your children will do its job and make me love being a parent and wonder why I put it off so long"? But the reality of doing that seems pretty ludicrous, and reading this thread it is clear that it's not that simple at all.

[formerbabe]

trust that that biological overwhelming love for your children will do its job and make me love being a parent

It will make you love your children for sure...being a parent? Debatable!

[Florathefern]

*formerbabe• has put it excellently. For me the cons outweigh the pros. If I only had one child, I think I would feel very differently.

[FeralBeryl]

Just this.

[Missdread]

Fantastic thread! I'm a bit peturbed by the fact that so many of you are saying it gets worse as they get older!! Mine are all in primary school and I'm looking forward to things getting easier for the first time in years. What is it about them going to secondary school that makes it so bad? Don't they just grump about in their rooms at that age? asks hopefully????

[MunchCrunch01]

punt that's exactly why I won't kill ourselves to pay for private, we could just about mostly afford it if I push myself really hard career wise, but I'm happy in the quiet lane and at some point a good state school is enough and the rest is up to them. You only get one life, perhaps share with them that you are exhausted and look at your school options again? If you're just having a bad day try and get a break...