I mean worse than shouting obscenities throughout a church service... I am still cringing and DH is at work so I have to get this out of my system and have nobody to share the horror with yet.
For background info - we went for a few days at the seaside this week. Since when DS is OBSESSED with beaches. Every time we get in the car he thinks that's where we're going. And shouts about it constantly. Except what he actually says is very clearly 'bitch'.
'A bitch', 'my bitch', 'more bitch', 'want bitch', and (my personal favourite) 'bitch pwease'. So far so toddlerish and moderately amusing though it wears thin when you're poked awake at 6am by a small person repeating 'mummy BITCH' at increasing volume.
BUT, this evening we went to church. And he was convinced as ever that we were going to the beach, and we were in a rush so I didn't have time to do the expectation management that I have been. Cue outraged astonishment when we arrive at church, and the 'bitch'ing starts.
Managed to keep him quiet for the first twenty minutes or so, mostly by stuffing in a mini cheddar every time he looked like he might start shouting, but I ran out just as the sermon started.
So when the priest paused for a dramatic silence after posing a rhetorical question, my angelic-looking toddler jumped up, and yelled 'BITCH!' in ringing tones.
This understandably threw the priest off his stroke somewhat, and he stuttered and completely lost his thread. All heads turned towards us, and meanwhile DS was getting into his stride and was unshushable.
This culminated in me slinging him over my shoulder and hauling him out of church while the entire congregation watched in bemused horror as he cried 'yay! BITCH! Yay!' with unmitigated glee all the way down the aisle because he thought this meant I had finally come to my senses and decided to take him to the beach instead.
I can clearly never go back.
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Tell me your 2-year-old has done worse?
CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 14/08/2016 23:54
I've not been watching for a while and didn't realise how much this had grown! Properly giggling at some of these. Beginning to agree with whoever said churches/ public places in general are just not conducive to small children whatever my mother may say about how my sister and I apparently cheerfully sat through Mass every week without making a squeak 
.
When I did finally get to tell DH about the bitch incident he said it's my comeuppance for trying to indoctrinate DS before the age of reason...
Cute two year old obsessed with duckies. And the sound they make. Except it comes out as 'wank wank wank' 
In the National Maritime Museum there was an exhibition of clocks. Some quite large ones. Cue DD (2) shouting about the 'gigantic cock'. 
Love this thread!! My DCs have never said anything too awful, luckily - but the church thing reminds me of a funny incident last year. My DS has ASD and is very literal about stuff. I try to stop my 8yr old twins using bad language, and that includes blasphemy as well as swearing, but our neighbours son keeps saying 'God!' and 'Jesus!' whenever he wants an expletive, so I have tried to explain to DS that we don't say 'Oh God' we say 'Oh Gosh!' as 'Oh God' is bad. We do go to church once a month to our local family service so he might have had an idea about God although his school is not a church school - however I now suspect that he just focuses on his ipad and all else had passed him by..... Anyway, at Easter I took the DCs to a holiday bible club run by another nearby church, and they had a chap playing the guitar and a sing along song with the words on a flipchart for all to join in. You can guess the rest - DS was horrified - 'MUMMY THEY KEEP SAYING BAD WORDS, WE AREN'T ALLOWED TO SAY GOD ARE WE...???'
We really appreciate McDonalds drive through after the experience of dd blurting out that she wanted a 'fuckmurry' (mcflurry) won't be setting foot in there for a while!
This is fantastic, had me and DP in stitches. I feel up the stairs once and said 'shit' without thinking about it which DD copied, managed to stop her saying it again, luckily.
The best one was on her 2nd birthday, me and my DM took her into town and decided to take her to McDonalds as a treat as I can't show my face in Frankie and Benny's with her after her first birthday and she decided she wanted some of my DM's coffee, so my DM said 'no that's my coffee' to which my DD responded 'No that's my cocky' cue me and my mum in tears and her repeating it getting louder and louder as me and my mum couldn't stop laughing and she loved that she was making us laugh. It was made better by the fact that we were literally sat smack bang in the middle of McDonalds.
I used to teach English in France, and a lot of French people struggle with the difference between 'i' and 'ee'... so I would frequently get 13 year olds telling me "At the weekend, I went to the bitch." "Me too, I love bitch!" and I would try to keep a straight face...
4 year old DSD isn't completely consistent with the 'th' sound in English. Last week we went to London and after DH bought her a toy she proudly shouted "wank you papa!" in the busy shop
When my 2 yo started talking, "thank you" sound very much like "fuck you". Was a bit awkward when we were in cafes and shops and she was trying to be polite!
Wyfof - haha, yes that's reminded me of when I was doing training for my TEFL cert., and the French students at the school couldn't pronounce sheet correctly either!
"I have to put this shit on my bed" for e.g.
Not quite the the same but every time somebody goes past us on a mobility scooter or wheelchair my toddler says 'vroom vroom'. He loves motorbikes .
So far the eldery population of my town have found it cute.
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My DD cannot say "tractor", instead it sounds much more like "fucker" :-(
we live on a farm in a very rural area 
. lots of finger pointing and "look mummy its a "....
On the first day of a big family holiday my 2yo told her uncle (who was wearing shorts but no shirt to make a very early morning brew, which he was taking back to bed), "oh uncle x, you've got boobies just like my mummy!". Clarity is not always a good thing . Also, not a great reflection on my poor post bf boobs, I could have done without her repeatedly telling the family that, as, I am sure could my BIL.
Although its better than the stage of telling her dad " No daddy, you c**t!". We knew she meant can't, but still my DP was mortified in public
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