I mean worse than shouting obscenities throughout a church service... I am still cringing and DH is at work so I have to get this out of my system and have nobody to share the horror with yet.
For background info - we went for a few days at the seaside this week. Since when DS is OBSESSED with beaches. Every time we get in the car he thinks that's where we're going. And shouts about it constantly. Except what he actually says is very clearly 'bitch'.
'A bitch', 'my bitch', 'more bitch', 'want bitch', and (my personal favourite) 'bitch pwease'. So far so toddlerish and moderately amusing though it wears thin when you're poked awake at 6am by a small person repeating 'mummy BITCH' at increasing volume.
BUT, this evening we went to church. And he was convinced as ever that we were going to the beach, and we were in a rush so I didn't have time to do the expectation management that I have been. Cue outraged astonishment when we arrive at church, and the 'bitch'ing starts.
Managed to keep him quiet for the first twenty minutes or so, mostly by stuffing in a mini cheddar every time he looked like he might start shouting, but I ran out just as the sermon started.
So when the priest paused for a dramatic silence after posing a rhetorical question, my angelic-looking toddler jumped up, and yelled 'BITCH!' in ringing tones.
This understandably threw the priest off his stroke somewhat, and he stuttered and completely lost his thread. All heads turned towards us, and meanwhile DS was getting into his stride and was unshushable.
This culminated in me slinging him over my shoulder and hauling him out of church while the entire congregation watched in bemused horror as he cried 'yay! BITCH! Yay!' with unmitigated glee all the way down the aisle because he thought this meant I had finally come to my senses and decided to take him to the beach instead.
I can clearly never go back.
Mumsnet classics
Tell me your 2-year-old has done worse?
CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 14/08/2016 23:54
Omg the thread is in classics now! Celebratory 
for all!
We had a few weeks of DS yelling Bugger whenever he thought he could get a reaction. I spent a lot of time going 'yes darling, if you want we can have burgers for tea.'
Years ago when my eldest ds was around 2 yrs my mum was in the car and someone had driven stupidly or something and she said with venom 'bastard' - thankfully ds thought she said pasta, which he carried on saying with venom quite often 
Who is Johnny McGrath?
Having posted on here the other day, I have a new one to add
We were sat next to an elderly gentleman in a waiting room earlier when DS (2yo) points in his face and says "my daddy might be very old like THAT one day", as the gentleman ignored him he decided to repeat it even louder
On the first day of a big family holiday my 2yo told her uncle (who was wearing shorts but no shirt to make a very early morning brew, which he was taking back to bed), "oh uncle x, you've got boobies just like my mummy!". Clarity is not always a good thing . Also, not a great reflection on my poor post bf boobs, I could have done without her repeatedly telling the family that, as, I am sure could my BIL.
Although its better than the stage of telling her dad " No daddy, you c**t!". We knew she meant can't, but still my DP was mortified in public
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
My DD cannot say "tractor", instead it sounds much more like "fucker" :-(
we live on a farm in a very rural area 
. lots of finger pointing and "look mummy its a "....
Not quite the the same but every time somebody goes past us on a mobility scooter or wheelchair my toddler says 'vroom vroom'. He loves motorbikes .
So far the eldery population of my town have found it cute.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.