What the bloody hell is this creature in my outhouse?? [pic]

[CountryMummy1]

Just been outside the feed the cat who has his food in the outhouse. There, hanging from the old pipework are 3 absolutely huge cocoons. They are hideous! Black and more than 4 inches long. They weren't there yesterday. What the hell is going to come out? AIBU to be very worried?

X post with with little too

Has the op been seen since she posted about touching the er ... Thing?

Eek.

King Alfred had the right idea then. Burn the fucker, kill it with fire.

I know a bug man ... I'll ask see if he can shed some light, I looks huge ... Gonna cautiously check my outhouse :/

Has the op been seen since she posted about touching the er ... Thing?

No, but the Thing is now about 5ft 6 long.

How does she get rid of them?

Without succumbing to its evil, mouldy power

Have you seen Alien? Looks like the pods that the facehuggers spring from.. Sorry. Your demise is inevitable.

This looks very similar except it's in America!

Oh god I'm in the Midlands too. Op EXACTLY where are you?!

Hubbie (surveyor) says it looks like King Alfred's Cakes - a fungus.

Definitely wot Worra said. Like a huge turd with a black beard.

Please don't poke them, they're obviously moth cocoons of some species or other and they'll hatch out harmlessly.

Flick... it... off... with.... a.... SPOON?

Are you out of your Goddamn mind pivot?!!!!

All the stuff about mould/fungus doesn't suggest it could grow overnight though as the OP stated. And that pic of black mould is just the usual stuff you'd get in a damp house - just an awful lot of it on a flat wall, not a big solid lump like this.

Genuinely fascinated!

I can't just stand by and watch, it's time to call in the specialists. Does anyone have these two on speed-dial?

Not that your house is dirty, op. But these two can work miracles with some bicarb of soda and a bottle of flat cola...

Please where a mask when around it as black mold spores can cause health problems and even death. If it is mold.

Wear even.

Can of hairspray and a lighter. Quick, before they take over the world!

Shit the bed! Id leave and NEVER return!

I'm actually wetting myself reading this thread!

OP have you been eaten yet???

Why hairspray? Are you worried it's not stiff enough? I'd put an antifungal wash on or if you have some Jeyes fluid lying around you could coat it in that until you get an antifungal or exert advice

DON'T POKE IT

A couple of days ago DH noticed a "lump of moss" dangling from one of our garden chairs (ping pong ball sized, yellow-green). He pulled it off the chair...........

THOUSANDS of tiny yellow green spidery things erupted from the "moss ball" and ran all over his hand.

He did 16 years in the Army and has seen some shit - I've never seen him scream and vomit simultaneously..........[shocked]

Never seen anything like them - inter dimensional beings we reckon

Ha ha BMW6 ..... exactly the same thing happened to me last year except the 'moss ball' was hanging off a pot of bamboo. Thing is, I'd been picking up 'moss' (I hope it was bloody moss) all morning 'cos we've got loads on the roof that gets washed/blown off. I now wear industrial style gloves and poke the 'moss' with a stick before I touch it.

Though I didn't vomit your DH is a wuss .......

This is a pic of the king alfreds cake one in the house and one on a tree, they are described as hard

That King Alfreds thing has made me feel genuinely sick and anxious.

Its fucking horrible.