What's your best sporn story?

[Ouchbloodyouch]

How excited do you get when you see KLAXON? Sometimes you get a few in a week.. sometimes there is a drought! So in order to keep us sporners truly satisfied can we do our ultimate ultimate sporn stories? I've just shared my blackhead story on another thread (TAAT guilt) but this is my best..if it looks familiar its because I have posted it under a different name.
Many years ago I became aware of a very sharp pain on my left side. Between the hip and the buttock. Upon examination there wasn't much to be seen other than something that looked like a teeny pimple. I pierced the top with a sterile needle and nothing happened. Owing to the position of the 'pimple' I had to grab my flesh to bring it to a better viewing position.. well.. as I did that the pressure I applied caused a jet of pus to spew three feet across the room. In an arc! I've never seen the like. After evacuating the pimple I took a hot bath and tried again. Lo and behold it happened again to a lesser extent.
That was it. The best half hour of my life. I've never had anything like it since.
Over to you. .

[surpriseitsme]

I had one lump under my tongue a few years ago it hurt like buggery. Trip to doctors and a course of antibiotics later it was still growing untilI couldn't speak properly. Got hold of it between thumb and forefinger and squeezed when I couldn't bare it any more. It was the slowest most painful thing ever what I can only describe as like a bone shard surrounded by pus and blood. Very impressed with it I kept it for ages and showed anyone who visited!

[Roobix04]

So jealous of the verruca strip! I have a big cluster on my foot that just won't shift. If it ever starts to come out it will have its own thread!

[FrankelandFilly]

My full story was posted last night, but it's basically the pus that came out of my boob when a breast abcess (that no health care "professional" had detected, despite my insistence that something was wrong) erupted in the shower.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Omg, that's like a pus fountain. Cant believe they all missed that.

[VixxFace]

Has anyone watched a woman squeeze a mans 20 year old spot on YouTube? She's wearing black gloves. A bit of sick actually came up in my mouth!!!

[JollyFrog]

Omg frank thats amazing (probably not the right word!) But omg!!

ouch I will go halves! Iv now just erupted a hard white spot on my face (think im going rotten!)
photo to follow

[JollyFrog]

Looks abit tame but the hard white 'thing' just kept on coming!

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Hi all!
Personal favour... could you please stop reporting this for Classics as it's making everyone in the office go 'yack, splaaargh, bleergh' etc when we take a look. We have the message, loud and clear. You don't want this R E V O L T I N G thread to go. Gottit. And yes we have seen the one with the black gloves.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Those at MNHQ are obviously not sporners

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Or we're mahoosive sporners who are being distracted from work by your 'We can haz puz' stories...

[HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway]

What you need to do is give us a corner of mn, or a cupboard we can be shut in. It could be called sit in here and stop bothering the rest of us, you revolting articles. Or something.

[LaundryFairy]

I grew up on a dairy farm and one of the cows had an access on her udder that was massive. My father, clearly a lover of sporn, called me over during milking one morning to enthusiastically show me the white core that had come out when the access finally popped - it was the size of lemon!!

[OwlBeGoing]

MNHQ could call it Sporners Corner

[LaundryFairy]

Arghhh - abscess NOT access.

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Ha! Sporners' Corner. Moving to Classics now, chaps...

[APotNoodleandaTommy]

I've sat through this disgusting thread hoping for a definition of 'sporn' - now can someone please tell me so I can stop reading?!?

[BoreOfWhabylon]

surpriseitsme that sounds like a blockage caused by a stone in your sublingual salivary gland, which then became infected.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/salivary-gland-stones/Pages/Introduction.aspx

(Not marking my place at all. Oh no, not me)

[LaLaLaaaa]

Hooray for MN Yet Another Helen! Love the recognition of sporn love for Classics!

I have a hole where I used to have my belly button pierced. One of my FAVOURITE things to do is to squeeze out the gunk that's accumulated in it. It whiffs slightly of cheese and is all solid and wormy.

My dh says I am disgusting. I say I'm perfectly lovely.

[PotteringAlong]

Pot noodle - sporn = spot porn!

[HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway]

Tommy - it's basically getting really excited about pus, enjoying videos of boils and spots and being really happy to hear about putrid explosions of the body's own natural cottage cheese. The sporn would be the actual videos. We would be the sporners.

When described, it sounds a bit odd, I grant you, but really there's nothing nicer than settling down to a good youtube hour searching for boils.

[HellKitty]

I feel recognised that we're not some kind of seedy minority now, even if we are but hey

Cow abscess goo the size of a lemon??!! I wouldn't touch it though, I'd poke it with a stick or something.

[APotNoodleandaTommy]

Ahhhh like 'spot porn'!!!
I was thinking more complex acronyms eg
Spotty
Pus-y
Orifices
Really
Nasty

or some such shit

[HowCanIMissYouIfYouWontGoAway]

I'm sensing you are not one of us, Tommy.

[CatThiefKeith]

Oh yes! Closed up piercings are fab. I never wear earrings, specifically so I can squeeze the holes every couple of months and get the gunk out.

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

Tommy we ought to tie you to a chair and make you watch hours and hours sporn vids on youtube. We'll turn you yet.