I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

[dodi1978]

I am German, but have lived in the UK for 10 years. In fact, I had somehow acquired a husband, a house and a baby at pretty much exactly 10 years after arrived on an Easyjet flight with one suitcase . Said baby is now almost eight months old.

But that's not relevant here...

What is relevant is the fact that I am a terrible mum! Yes I am! At least if I am judge myself against German guidelines on weaning.

In the UK, the three rules seem to be:

1. Start around six months of age.
2. Avoid salt and sugar.
3. Don't give honey and nuts (ok, and a couple of other things, but the list is small).

And then, there is of course BLW vs. purees etc.

In Germany, BLW seems to be something that nobody has ever heard of. Even friends who have had babies recently seem to be utterly puzzled when I mentioned that some parents don’t give their baby any purees at all.

I’m doing a mixture of purees and finger food, having the little one eat what we eat whenever possible. But according to German guidance, I seem to have got it wrong, because, apparently, babies should have

• A potato – vegetable – meat – puree at lunchtime
• A milk – cereal – broth in the evening
• And a cereal – fruit broth in the morning

Ahem, fail!!! My pancakes with blueberry compote in the morning (which we only have occasionally, by the way) just don’t pass muster.

There are all kinds of other rules and guidelines as well, e.g. that that you should add rapeseed oil (no olive oil before one year!) to certain foods and how much and, oh yes, no yogurt before 10 months (fail!) etc. etc.

Sometimes, dear MNers, I am glad I am living in the UK! I don’t do well with rigid rules. Even the Pampers website has completely different guidance on weaning, when you look at the UK and the German version.

But this made me think… if you are from another country, or have raised a child in another country, what differences have you noticed in the guidance given and in the practice around birth, food, sleep, toilet training etc. as compared to the UK?

I am just asking this out of interest! It’d be great to hear your stories!

Sorry one more thing that I sorely missed about the USA. At the supermarket they pack all your groceries for you and if you have small children they offer to take it to the car for you! A cheerful employee puts all said shopping in a trolley and whisks it outside while you drag your darlings behind you. Shop employees will also stop to chat to your kids and enjoy entertaining them while you attempt to do a weekly shop with three under five.

In Germany all your shopping is flung down the conveyer belt at a rapid pace and you are expected to expertly pack it in a neat and orderly fashion if your recyclable cotton bags. If you take too long all the line will glare and you but would never think to help with three small children.

The Swedish kids are also kept very warm when asleep ( often under the same duvet as the parents I was never given any safe co-sleeping advice but I was repeatedly advised to co-sleep) the sids rates are much lower in Sweden than in the UK.

I wonder about the SIDS stats too. It seems other countries don't really follow the rules about not letting your baby get too warm. Quilts are normal for babies in Germany. Babies are wrapped up in many layers, always wearing a hat.

Lack of car seats seems to me one that keep coming up for some countries in this thread. In Norway, not only are car seats required by law and all adhere to it, but rear-facing seats are used until ca four years of age, by almost everybody. I think this is the same in Sweden and Denmark, but not so much in the rest of Europe?

Germany uses similar ones to here. Taxi drivers often carry booster seats routinely.

I've just got back from Italy with 9mo DD. Things I did that got looks were:

• carrying her around in a sling (she is a total pushchair refuser)
• putting her to bed before midnight
• not wrapping her up in thick, padded layers, blankets, and a hat in the 20+ degree sunshine. Don't I know it's March? Therefore spring, and time for thick clothing until a set date in July.
• not feeding her honey or salty chips

I was interested to see PPs' comments on Italian babies being exclusively raised on purées. My friends have actually followed baby led weaning (autosvezzamento) with their youngest - apparently it's quite a new idea around their parts (rural central Italy) but is gaining ground thanks to a book by an Italian paediatrician who advocates it. Anyway, I was really surprised as I'd fully expected to be considered a terrible parent for chucking my baby pizza crusts and whatnot.

And finally - where on earth do Italian mums change their babies when they're out? Does anyone know? I didn't see any changing facilities, anywhere at all. Luckily we had an apartment/hire car/friends' houses to change her in, but I'm genuinely intrigued to know how they manage.

Peppa, they change them on the floor of the nearest loo.

And porridge, practically all babies in Norway are weaned on porridge, porridge and porridge.

All Malaysian Chinese babies are weaned on rice porridge / congee. My children gag on it. They are not very authentic.

It's probably my fault.

Car seat and sitting in the front of the car rules here are much less strict over here - except for in my car. Mummy's car is a German car, German rules apply!

The Indonesian thing about carrying baby in a sling everywhere is true; Indonesian DM used to cart me about in a sling made of batik then used the same one for DD. Though having visited her village it is quite normal for little girls aged 8 or so to carry their baby brothers or sisters in a sling for some of the day. DM also had her ears pierced as a child with a sharpened type of grass- I guess she means like a pampas type leaf, ow!

The warmth thing is interesting as it seems like such a focus everywhere but the UK!

In Japan you're also expected to bundle up your children in anything short of a heat wave, and you regularly see long sleeved trousers and tops when it's 30 and humid outside, plus the baby is curled up in a sling next to mum (who is also wearing a cardigan). Mysterious to me!

In China it was the same, with the added bonus that older women in particular will tend to dispense lots of 'helpful' advice, like coming up to you in public to loudly berate you for not covering your sweating 6 month old in a blanket.

The nicest thing we've seen throughout Asia is that fatness is a definitely virtue for babies, so our families display DS's million rolls proudly to strangers and other mothers will poke his enormous calves in wonder and ask what we are feeding to achieve this.

pretty certain that the wotsit shaped peanut favoured bamba is not the weaning food of choice for Israeli mothers although i did catch mil giving ds2 some at 7 months. not v impressed . the main difference is bedtimes. bit it makes sense to have a later bedtime there especially in summer when it is simply too hot until after 5pm to venture out. so an early evening trip to the playground, a later bedtime and a nap are all par for the course. plus children do nap until they are older possibly until school age 6. also children are there to be enjoyed and more part of the family so why would anyone want to ship them off to an early bed? massive generalisation of the English of course (of which i am one). also birth appears to be more medicalised with epidurals fairly standard. but based on insurance system so more consumer choice as it were perhaps.

Thanks for clarifying, Boffin. I did wonder if that was the idea. But the thought of wriggly DD rummaging around all over the grubby toilet floors... I actually changed her outside on a bench one day. Ha! That got some looks. Just imagine what kidney infections/death/pneumonia would befall a baby with its bare bottom out in the fresh air!

In China living and working for a while i can confirm the no carseats thing is the norm everywhere. Little children are fed up until quite a late age but with a lots of different foods. It's fine to have a pee on the edge of the swimming pool if you are a child- that's what I found most disgusting!! But everyone was so lovely in general I had to just try to ignore it. Peeing in the street for children is completely normal whilst toddlers- over a plant pot,drains,bins any vessel available.

Never put your hands in your mouth- I had perfect strangers batting my toddlers hand away and scolding her for sucking her fingers! She did have a dummy for a while which was approved of and when my Chinese improved I could hear people discussing why we had one and it was solely to keep dd's hands away from her mouth apparently. There was much discussion from people about why my dd wasn't wearing any socks when it was boiling hot and massively humid!

Never give your children cold water- ever. On stiflingly hot summer days after swimming you absolutely must feed your children hot ginger water before they catch a cold. Many people use split pants still for babies and their little bits are on display despite the fact it's too cold to not be wearing any socks! Bottoms are throughly aired and friends were a bit worried my dd may end up sore and uncomfortable wearing a nappy.

Biggest cultural difference for me compared with the UK was how interested and friendly everyone was towards each others children with no suspicion and there is no routine for bedtimes,the play parks were full at 10pm with families just relaxing. Also loved how everything stopped dead at mealtimes and even Chinese fast food is simply amazing

Oh how funny peppin- your bottom comment! Chinese babies bare it all!

I definitely came back a more relaxed parent in many ways regarding earing habits and bedtimes but seem to have a slight obsession with the hands near mouth thing now!

Eating habits

I'm German and had 2 dc there, then moved to the UK and had another one.

I think I was more the weirdo over here, having a proper Fußsack in my pram, which was fleece lined.

I didn't do any baby led weaning. I breastfed exclusively for 6 months, but can honestly say I had zero bf support here in the uk, and loads in Germany.

All our children slept in our bed when they were little. They had a cot in our room but slept between dh and me. We have German style separate duvets and the babies were in their sleeping bags.
I had no end of comments about that from English friends.

The wrapping up in Germany is understandable, I think. When my eldest was little, and born in winter, we had -15 degrees for weeks.

I grew up skiing every single day in Winter after school. On my own, aged 8 upwards. Together with loads of other kids. I walked to school aged 6.

I hate the fact that the roads in the uk aren't really safe for children, especially riding bikes.

When in Germany I get abuse if I cross an empty street when the lights are red. Been here too long

YY to peanuts and weaning in Israel

Great thread btw.

Peppin .... I usually put DS in a pull up if I need to change him when we're out, and change him on my lap/standing up somewhere discreet. His christening, in a very posh restaurant with no highchairs and no changing facilities, I put 2 rubbish bins together with a change mat over.

Often mums (not me) will wait until they get home. Always remember my DN having done a hummer of a poo, and me telling SIL. Was summer and boiling hot, yet SIL said she'd leave it until we got home (talking in about 30mins time if not longer). I think DH and I shamed her into changing her then, hated to think about her poor sore bottom sitting in a pooey nappy in a boiling hot car.

Yes, I liked (mostly) how people just come to children and talk to them or touch them. My little very white skinned, blue eyed, blond curly haired child had strangers follow him and pick him up, take photos (had whole busload chase him up a beach).

I sounded critical earlier with my comments on smacking, shouting, car seats,ver tutoring, etc - but I understand they love their children and just have a different way.

Israeli kids are feral. No one ever says no to them! But they still seem to grow up quite mature (auto correct said Maureen - ooerr) and well balanced.

Honey what part of the US were you in?