The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

[daughterofafarmer]

My friend said this utter gem last week...

'I'm buying DS a 2nd pair of Wellingtons as I don't have an Aga to help dry out the wet pair....'

Another friend

'I don't think one should children until you can afford childcare'....Que me nearly spitting out my drink...

I say flap of skin, it's not really skin. Not sure how else to describe it :p

so when your drink goes down "the wrong way" does that mean your flap didn't do its job properly?

Pretty much, yeah :)

It's cartilage isn't it?

Well this thread has taken an odd turn

Nope, definitely only one tube down the actual penis.

To clarify, he thought that there were two tubes opening onto the head of the penis. We checked his, and there is definitely only one. The plumbing all joins up further up, and a single tube comes down the penis to the outside world.

Playing trivial pursuit, MIL's question was "what is the capital of Kenya?" Apparently it's Venezuela.

I was nearly 30 before I realised Andover was not in the Netherlands

I used to think Billericay was in Ireland it does sound Irish though IMO.

Just got as far as this gem from willyoulistentome:

"Balding men should not shave their heads, as the hair will know it's not wanted and stop growing completely"

and thought BLOODY FANTASTIC, does that mean I can stop shaving my legs?...

Do you mean house flies hatch out from maggots? I never knew that.

Lesmahago should be in Wales.

I knew that about maggots but they are so much bigger than flies. How can this be?

It's sort of the same as caterpillars metamorphosing into butterflies. It takes a lot of energy to transform, so the juvenile form eats a lot and is often larger than the adult.

Oh that makes sense. Butterflies have a larger area than caterpillars but are much lighter.

I suppose it's difficult to understand because most people watch babies grow, rather than change entirely. It's counter-intuitive in the same way that the mechanics of breast-feeding is.

The more milk the baby takes, the more is produced? I had never encountered this concept before having my second child. Wish my bank account worked the same way!

My lovely friend, who seems to process things she hears in a different way to the rest of us:

"KFC breed boneless chickens now, so they don't have to pay people to remove the bones later."

"Planes can't turn."

"I always get Hannukkah and Holocaust confused. It's not my fault, I'm not Jewish!"

Dread to think of her wishing a poor Jewish person a happy Holocaust.

Another friend meeting DS just after he was born:

Friend: "Why can't he walk?"
Me:
Friend: "Why wouldn't you let him walk? I thought if you dropped babies on the floor when they're born they're supposed to know how to walk."
Me: That's water, and swimming...

Same friend 10 minutes later gestures around the lounge, "well of course all this will have to go soon, you can't baby proof everything in here."

I'll just throw all of our furniture away then and spend my evenings in an empty room like all the other parents.

And my Dsis when she was younger...

When she found out Jeremy Beadle had died: "Pneumonia... isn't that when you wet yourself and you don't change your knickers?"

"I'd say that's about three thirds right, but one of them is wrong."

Amber and others... I was in my mid 30s before I realised that Liverpool was not a suburb of London.

(In my defense, I am not from here, and never took much notice of British things until I fell in love with an Englishman!)

I was once waiting to board a train bound for London Liverpool street. I very nearly got on the one to lime street Liverpool

amber I actually did that, with my boss. It was a long and slightly awkward journey...

Amber and Bishop, beware the pitfalls of changing trains in Cambridge then: King's Cross one way, King's Lynn the other not that I have ever had to explain that one to a ticket collector, ooh no

A horrified and very audible wail from a certain nameless friend Alison, on a school trip to Romeo and Juliet:

'No! Don't do it! She's not dead!'

The cast had some difficulty carrying on after that.

It put me in the habit of asking other passengers 'This is the London train isn't it?^

In London, I was asked by an American woman for directions to Piccadilly Circus.
I pointed her in the right direction, and then she asked me what sort of anmals thry had, and did they have clowns?
Poor love was quite disapointed to learn its a glorified traffic island.