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Please could you state one thing that your mother did with you that you will do/already do with your DD?

195 replies

LeoTheLateBloomer · 01/10/2013 07:49

I grew up without a mother so I feel like I have a giant gap where I haven't experienced a mother-daughter relationship.

As the mother of a daughter I now want to make sure I do all the things with DD that my mother might have done with me.

I would be grateful for suggestions based on your own positive experiences. What did your mother teach you about life, relationships, being a woman (and all the rest)?

Thank you Smile

OP posts:
PavlovtheCat · 01/10/2013 17:06

Hair brushing - me brushing her hair and vice versa. As I grew up/became an adult, I used to come home to visit and we would go out for the evening and I would do her hair for her. When she felt poorly or had a bad day we would do head massages and hair brushes. when she became very sick, I used to brush her hair to relax her. It was something that was part of what we did from little one to just before she died. I love brushing DD's hair, and she likes me brushing hers, as long as it is not the normal morning brushing, if it's already brushed she will let me spend ages making plaits and playing with her 'baby bits' at the base of her hairline and her forehead!

Dancing - around the front room, in the kitchen while she cooked, as we washed up after dinner, as we did the house-work. I have not been able to do too much of this recently but just getting back into it with her.

Cooking - baking in particular. I remember sitting on the kitchen worktop using my fingers to finish the bowl of cake mixture while she washed up. I remember using the leftover pastry to make imprints on things, like playdoh I guess. DD loves cooking, we need to do more of it.

I do these things with DS too though, apart from the hair brushing Grin

My mum worked a lot though and so we didn't have time to bond that often. With DD, we go for a coffee (juice for her, or babycino) and a cake, maybe a little window shopping, or to buy something particular that we need (trousers, dress, shoes or whatever). I let her dress up in my clothes as a special treat. We do sewing, cross-stitch, jewelry-making or similar in the evening for half an hour once a week - she gets to stay up a little later on those days, so we can have mummy/DD time.

PavlovtheCat · 01/10/2013 17:12

mummy we do that each christmas! We all get to pick one new christmas decoration, and it's normally at the garden centre too!

MummyPig24 · 01/10/2013 17:15

I love it pavlov, we could say "that's the one we picked when we went to x" or "that's the one we got when nanny took us". So lovely.

PavlovtheCat · 01/10/2013 17:20

I tend to get the same designer - I love Gisella Graham stuff, and they do loads of it at our garden centre. Sometimes, if we go somewhere special for a trip we will get it there. It also means we have some awesome decorations! Don't just stick to tree decorations now though, else the tree will fall down Grin

nicelyneurotic · 01/10/2013 17:20

To my Mum I am beautiful. Every time a celebrity like Cameron Diaz or Kiera Knightly would come on the TV she would say 'you're better looking than her' or 'you look just like her'. She still does this! I obviously don't but it is very sweet of her.

When I was young I'd often come home from primary school and she had hid some 'treasure' somewhere with lots of little clues hidden around the house. You'd follow the clues until you eventually found the sweets, small toy or book hid in the washing machine or airing cupboard or something.

I plan to do this for my daughter if I can.

plummyjam · 01/10/2013 17:35

She did attachment parenting with me and my 4 siblings 30 years ago before the term was even invented. She carried me about in a sling, breastfed (until I was nearly 2) and co-slept. Now I'm a mum to my DD I do all those things too!

Most of all I remember her praising us all the time for all our achievements big and small. She was and is so so proud of all her children. Her own upbringing was very poor with emotional abuse and neglect so she was determined to do things differently.

Her encouragement and love has filled me with self-confidence and self-belief and I really think it's been the making of me in terms of my career and personal relationships.

morethanpotatoprints · 01/10/2013 17:37

Baking, playing dollies, house, cleaning up.
She taught me to sew/ sequins and costumes as I was a dancer.
Singing and music.
She taught me the most valuable lesson. "Aim high, because if you don't quite get there you'll be good enough"

KitCat26 · 01/10/2013 17:41

Cooking, talking and cuddles.

She also played with us a lot, teddy bear picnics, rockets, dressing up, drawing.

She never complained about her weight or looks or (obviously) dieted.

She didn't dye her hair or wear a lot of make up, but always took care of her appearance.

She always told us when we looked nice, and was honest but kind when we didn't.

She encouraged us and supported us. She still does :-) .

ViciousVampireGuineaPig · 01/10/2013 17:49

I don't have a mum and have daughters.

What I would say: do what they enjoy doing. They can like Disney, football, shopping, animals, singing, rugby or crafts, but love them for this and do it with them. Don't try and twist them to form your own person.

I give my daughter treats and cards. Little things. If she has done something to cheer me up- even if she doesn't know she has done it- then a card from Card Factory (10 cards for £1) with a little note and put on their bed. Little treasures- some sweets, some pencils, a cupcake, a book. Random for lovely days. I do this. It doesnt cost much- last week I spend 50p on some sweets, and a month ago I spent £1.50 in a charity shop.

Make sure you tell them you love them and show how much you love them more an you tell them off.

Retropear · 01/10/2013 17:52

Read- a lot!

Retropear · 01/10/2013 17:55

Re Christmas when you're making the cake everybody in the house got a stir and made a wish.We always then decorated the cake making snow peaks and using the same robin,snowman etc.

Always hung stockings on end of bed although I regret carrying that on as it equals zero sleep on Xmas Eve!

luxemburgerli · 01/10/2013 18:27

My mum did lots. One I remember is she would occasionally write a little note on that square, coloured telephone paper you used to get, and then hide it somewhere I'd find it eventually. Lunchbox, under my pillow, inside a balled up pair of socks, etc.

luxemburgerli · 01/10/2013 18:31

Another one - she made sure that I did things as soon as I was able. For example when I was 15 I learnt to drive (not UK, obviously). Even though I didn't really want to - I thought I didn't have time because I had exams that year. She said (nicely) that there would always be something in the way, and it was only going to get worse, so I was learning or would be staying at home A LOT.

Ditto things like getting a paper round/part time job, using bank cards and the like.

Loopytiles · 01/10/2013 19:13

nicelyneurotic my mum did and still does that too, argued that I was more beautiful than Ingrid Bergman!

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat · 01/10/2013 19:15

I read to her, every chance I get, so most evenings, all the books that I loved as a child and any she fancies reading that I haven't too. We also have a Friday film night together, just me and her, not the boys! I also take her to a local cafe occasionally and we have cake and coffee (decaf for her, she still feels grown up.)

I take her to her activity on a sunday and watch her, again without the boys, we chat and sing in the car on the way there and back. Once a year, either for her birthday or Halloween (she chooses) we have a HUGE party, to which she can invite anyone and everyone she wants. they all stay over and we go all out with elaborate treasure hunts or potion making and decorate the house with loads of handmade decs and spooky food. It doesn't have to cost loads and she LOVES it (don't tell, but so do I!) She is 8.

HomicidalPsychoJungleCat · 01/10/2013 19:17

We do the Xmas decoration thing too! Such a lovely tradition!

vladthedisorganised · 01/10/2013 19:23

Aw, Christmas stockings.. From an early age for various reasons my parents didn't make a big deal of the Santa thing. The main present was always from Mum and Dad, the stocking was anonymous but I knew it was Mum's doing, lots of randon little things and always a satsuma.
Aged 10 or so I figured it was only fair that my gran got a stocking at Christmas, so Mum and I put one together for her and it was my job to "secretly" leave i t at her door so she'd have a surprise in the morning. The following year and for every year after that I put two together for Mum and Dad: even after I married Mum made up stockings for me and DH while I made two for her and Dad. We often passed each other in the corridor at 3am delivering them, and several hours later we'd all open them together to peals of laughter (usually charity shop books, CDs and the like).

I will miss our joint Christmas stocking ritual.more than I can say this year: I hope when Dd is grown she gets as much fun out of it as I did!

girliefriend · 01/10/2013 19:57

Some lovely stories on here.

My mum has always been very caring about me, I think thats what I can remember feeling as a child - cared about. She would look after me if I was feeling poorly, would talk to me for hours about what was going on at school, she was always very good at just letting me be and letting me come to her if I needed or wanted something. We are still very close now Smile

With my dd we muck about sometimes, we do baking, go for walks, have had some lovely holidays - just the two of us, always read at bedtime, sometimes if we are a bit tired we gets our p.js on and watch a film cuddled up in my bed. My mum also used to do my feet (she was a trained reflexologist) which I loved!! My dd likes having a little head massage at bedtime!!

Catmint · 01/10/2013 19:59

We pretend our feet are small squeaky animals, make them chase and cuddle each other....(sitting down or lying down).

mineofuselessinformation · 01/10/2013 20:00

Call her Polly Prim or just Prim for short.... No idea why!

Chunderella · 01/10/2013 20:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doshusallie · 01/10/2013 20:22

This has been really thought provoking for me.

I have lost my mum, she is still "alive" but in a dementia ward of a hospital, and lost to us.

So remembering this kind of thing is really important to me.

I don't think she taught me life skills per Se. I learnt to cook from my husband. I taught myself to manage money. Mum was all about the fripperies. Manners, she was really hot on manners. She told me she loved me "madly" often. She liked brushing my hair. She taught me to be weight conscious, (bad obv) fashion tips, (also awful), encouraged clothes shopping, make up etc.

I adored my mum, and I miss her horribly horribly.

Doshusallie · 01/10/2013 20:22

She did great Christmas stockings. And birthday presents.

weebarra · 01/10/2013 20:23

Baking, reading, talking. My mum worked full-time so didn't always have a lot of time to spend with me, but she did teach me how to cook!
We've always talked a lot and I knew even when I was little that I could talk to her about anything, and I still can.
We also have a tradition of going out for lunch (or sometimes even a weekend away), once a year, just the two of us.
I've just had DD and although I love my two DSs dearly and do all the above with them, I was glad to have a girl so that I can hopefully have the same type of relationship with her as I do with my mum. My mum wasn't at all close to her mum, so I think she wanted things to be different with us.

Thurlow · 01/10/2013 20:26

Be honest about the facts of life, periods, and sex! DM was very forthright about it all, and I like that and appreciate it. I always felt I could talk to her about sex and periods and that's made my life a lot easier.

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