Please could you state one thing that your mother did with you that you will do/already do with your DD?

[LeoTheLateBloomer]

I grew up without a mother so I feel like I have a giant gap where I haven't experienced a mother-daughter relationship.

As the mother of a daughter I now want to make sure I do all the things with DD that my mother might have done with me.

I would be grateful for suggestions based on your own positive experiences. What did your mother teach you about life, relationships, being a woman (and all the rest)?

Thank you

[Hel1304]

Baking & having Xmas Eve's as girly days. We would go watch a Xmas film at cinema in the morning. Get home & make pastry & make mince pies & jam tarts for Santa & Mrs Claus, go to church for Christingle, get takeaway, let them open their 1st present - always new pj's, get tray ready for Santa & reindeers whilst tracking him on Claus.com, watch another Xmas film, then get that ready for bed. Even though eldest is 15 in November, she still wants/craves the tradition!

Also mummy hugs are a must xxxx

You are already a great mum for caring & wondering how to be better xx

[susiedaisy]

Cup of tea with a biscuit and a chat after school to see how their day went.

Always tuck them in at night my ds is 15 and he still says mum come and tuck me in

Hugs and tell them I love them everyday.

My mum did these things, it was a constant and it gave me a sense of security and a feeling of being loved

[OldRoan]

This is a wonderful thread.

YY to baking and cooking, but one of my main memories is whenever she changed the sheets on her and my dad's bed she would heap the duvet on the floor to strip the sheet and I would snuggle down and make a nest in it and watch her.

Also making time - I'm 24 and just this weekend climbed into bed with my mum (went home for the weekend, my dad was working) - two cups of tea, two iPads, one happy morning spent together.

[OldRoan]

at all the moving stories on here, but especially to MrsDV - I didn't see your post before I commented or would have acknowledged, sorry.

[KaseyM]

My mum was, is and always will be my BFF. I just have this general fuzzy memory from my childhood that she was ALWAYS on my side, fighting my corner, being my no.1 fan! If my Dad told me off she would automatically jump to my defence and now she does that for DS.

It annoys me how they always present mothers and daughters on TV as fighting cos it's nothing like the reality I know.

As for memories, I guess I just remember us talking a lot. Watching TV together and having a laugh. Every year when Wimbledon was on we would spend hours watching it and she would give me a running commentary on everything that was happening and tell me all about the olds like Billy Jean King and Jimmy Connor and we'd do impressions of MacEnroe - waving our hands and yelling "you cannot be serious!" .

It has made me a bit emotional talking about my lovely mum whose love I try to pass onto DS everyday. And I think just the fact that you care so much to ask means that your DD will never feel a lack of love.

[KaseyM]

MrsDV, no it isn't fair. I'm so sorry.

[ShoeWhore]

MrsDV I'm so sorry.

My mum was a bit rubbish in some ways but she always made us birthday cakes and she was very clear that I could do anything I wanted to do with my life.

She was super-critical though. I wish she could have cut teenage me some slack

[HangingGardenofBabbysBum]

Mrs DV, there are no words for the unfairness, I am so very sorry.

My mum (and now I):

Wrote long funny poems about stuff we'd done

Knitted whole new wardrobes for our dollies every Christmas

Taught us to bake and make pastry and cook properly

Was always in the pantry rubbing olive oil and sugar into our hands after gardening

Refused to believe an eight year old couldn't appreciate Dickens and Austen

Wrote great long letters in titchy writing from the fairies and often made tiny chairs or blankets and left them for us to find

Blurred the lines between fact and fiction so now I sometimes think I spent years in an attic, and have a weedy cousin called Colin

New coat every Easter

[siblingrevelry]

I loved and still love hearing the same stories over and over again about my birth/childhood. I make sure I tell my sons and daughter about how much I wanted them, how happy I was when they were born, and quirky little things about their early days.

This always made me feel loved and hopefully that (along with 50 million photos and videos of each child) will help them always to remember a happy, loving childhood.

My mom was fabulous when I was little and is no less fabulous (or no less needed!) now I'm a grown up.

[DalmationDots]

Oh so much, my father left when I was young (my exH did similar sadly) and so I think about this a lot and how amazing my mum was with the whole situation.
DD is now 20.

I tried to always encourage my DD to love swimming, something I loved as a child. She loves it too and swam competitively for years.
I tried to always have time for her, despite being a deputy head teacher and having horrifically busy weeks I always make sure she feels I have time to just sit and chat, watch TV with her etc.
Mum and daughter shopping trips.
Dog walks with just me and her (plus dog of course!)
Let her choose how to decorate and arrange her room (within reason!!) and help her create that
Always always do what I could to boost her self-esteem. Girls can be so harsh on themselves. DD really lacked self-esteem partly due to her father and partly due to her nature, I wouldn't over-praise in a fake/OTT mother way but would make sure she knew I loved who she was, that I loved her just how she was and could see her succeeding, but I was always down to earth and grounded with it.
I'd make sure I seemed interested and excited about her choices and interests.
Play obstacle courses in the garden
Getting ready for dinner out or nights out when she was older, discussing what to wear etc
Holidays- I saved up to take DD just me and her on holiday when she was 16 (usually we go with DS and extended family) it was a really special week and so nice to spend time with her in a relaxed environment
Wanted DD to always feel able to talk about anything to me, even her father (v tricky situation). But to know if it was too hard to talk to me about something troubling her, that she should always go and find someone else to talk to be it a friend, godparent, teacher, counsellor, grandparent.. whoever!..and not feel guilty or that she was going behind my back.

Agree with OPs, make your own rituals and special moments. All these are special as they worked for me and DD and created the atmosphere which felt great for us. I passed on emotional things which felt necessary to our family situation, your morals/feelings which you want your DD to feel may be different.

[Xollob]

MrsDV

[KaseyM]

Ah yes, every year on my birthday my mum would go into theatrical labour pains - I do this to DS now - a family tradition!

[mmmdonuts]

My mum taught me to read before I started school, despite her severe dyslexia, and never saw it as a barrier to me learning as it had been for her.

She showed me I could achieve anything I set my mind to.

She always (and still does) say that I must just be myself and not put on a false front to impress somebody. In the end, the only thing that matters is your sense of self.

She is the kindest person I know. She always looked out for other people, especially the disadvantaged in society. I've copied her way of giving her lunch to beggars on the street instead of money, helping old people who are looking lost in public, or just chatting away to someone who looks lonely. Basically just doing something that will brighten someone else's day.

[nickelbabe]

dance

my mum used to dance with me.
we played 60s songs and danced
Rock around the clock was our favourite and we did the jive.

i've already started that with dd

[LittleWhiteWolf]

DD and I go monster hunting in the woods. We sing together; my mum was always too shy to sing in public, even with just me and my sister present, but I don't want DD to feel inhibited by me. So we sing. She has great taste in music (she's 4)

Food; like so many on this thread we bake. I enjoy making special lunches and picnics. I want DD to always have a great relationship with food and to never be afraid of it or enjoying it as she grows. Easy now, but I'm sure it will get harder as she ages and becomes more aware of body image.

DD draws and tells stories and I always try to indulge this creativity.
We read and read; I refuse to believe you can spoil a child with too many books. Books are an all year round gift and I am always glad to buy books as treats. I especially love the little chats we have last thing at night where we talk about the story we just read.

DD is quite fearless as long as we're talking about stories so I am happy to indulge her love of the (age appropriate) macabre. We read scary stories and for ages her favourite film was Coraline. I'm happy to foster this; weird kids are the best Her current favourite books are Beware, Beware by Susan Hill and The Lost Happy Endings by Carol Ann Duffy.

[RestlessSoul]

My mother is just wonderful, she is my dearest, truest, most trusted friend. Really there are no words, no sentiment that could do her justice.
One of the greatest things about her is that she taught me very early on that people and things are never black and white, that there are no 'good' people or 'bad' people and no-one is irredeemable - I will teach my DD's that (if I'm blessed with children)

On Sundays she would give me deep hair treatments and sit me on the floor between her legs and brush my hair and style it in hundreds of different ways inspired by whatever magazine/movie I'd seen. Monday mornings at school were so fun! A new hairstyle every week.
She taught me to be curious about the world and to be engaged with things, and to not be afraid to question the status quo.
We would cook together, side by side in the kitchen, I would sneak bites of whatever it was and she would pretend not to see.
She taught me by her example to pick love over money
She introduced me to Sufism, which transformed my life entirely and I'll be sure to introduce Sufism to my DD's too.
But more important than various activities, the one thing that my mother did with me that I'll do with my future DD's is listen like, really listen - she made me feel like my views and thoughts on things were valid and worth listening to, we talked (and still do) about everything and we laughed and fooled around so much and she was always honest. Our relationship was never the screamy I hate you or snarky eye-rolling tv mom-daughter relationship, we were two souls who were very much in sync with each other
I wish my mother could live with me

If I turn out to be half the woman she is, I'll be v happy.

A funny and sweet thing she always used to say to me is that I surpassed all women in beauty, she would recite her own poetry about me, odes to my beauty hahaha!! I appreciate what she was trying to do because I was a proper awkward looking ugly duckling growing up but I never felt it because of her, she built up my self-esteem and confidence and never put me down.
I will definitely compliment my DD's (and embarrass them with soppy love poems )

[VerySmallSqueak]

My Mum used to build us dens.

Not half arsed affairs,but proper dens out of blankets and pegs.

She didn't care about the mess or effort involved in helping provide the raw materials needed for a good day of play.

[RestlessSoul]

We also used to have regular coffee and book dates, browsing round borders and old second hand book shops then going to a nice cafe and ordering the richest dessert and coffee and talking about our choices. She introduced me to proper literature.

Something I dread is having a child who doesn't like books, I will be so heart-broken and disappointed.

[HomicidalPsychoJungleCat]

Little white, not sure what age your dd is, but if she liked Beware, Beware and if you haven't already you should check out Susan Hill's 'The Dark is Risisng' sequence. They were amongst my favourite books as a chld and Dd and I love reading them together!

[CalculatorCalender]

I see it as my duty to pass forward my mum's love. She is such a patient, kind, calm person, with real time for small children. She always listened very carefully to us, never, ever told us what to do, and supported us to find our own way. I felt so cared for, so loved as a child, i'm trying hard to create that security for my own dcs.

Dm was brilliant when we were poorly, sitting with us for hours, snuggling us up, making tempting morsels, stroking my face to soothe me to sleep. I now relish my dcs when ill, hoping I'm soothing them too.

We were always read to, until quite old and dm enjoyed reading to us, with is, alongside us. We visited the library weekly and chose books together. She told us brilliant stories, and wrote little poems about us. She encouraged our imaginations, played endless games and allowed things like extra seats/plates for our dolls.

Dm genuinely enjoyed our company, I never felt tolerated, I felt treasured. She loved walking and took us to lovely places. She swam in the sea with us, revelling in it. I have already started this with dcs at 1 &3.

She was determined that ours would be a welcoming home, so we always had friends over. She was never fissy about the house, allowing us to paint, bake, glue etc, but somehow managed to keep the house running smoothly. One of my memories is coming home after school to my bed all made and clean washing laid on it for me to put away. It all felt so sorted, and safe.

Dm was open about everything, talked honestly about the big issues. She had no body issues, and helped us to feel grateful for what our bodies can do. She insured I had no fear of labour and birth, talking of her experiences in a positive way. She was a true feminist, believing women had the right to be and whatever tgey wanted to.

Dm gave me so, so much. It's a hard act to follow. I will do everything to give my dcs the sense of consistency, safety, security, love & fun - it's the greatest gift I have been given.

[RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief]

Read out loud to us every night until we were really quite old- about 11 or something.
Played tennis
Made a Nigel Lawson glove puppet (dont ask)
Read thru my homework and made constructive comments (Tiger Mom )
Made good suggestions about topics I could do for coursework projects
Took me to London to see all the major museums/galleries
Wrote letters from the fairies (although once she did take advantage of this to write me a fairy note saying that I would not be considered for a hamster until I learned to feed the rabbit)

[Googlella]

Share all the things you love doing. For me that has been reading, going for walks, holidays, cooking, playing board games, watching films, going to the theatre, doing crafts, singing. Your little girl will soon let you know what her preferences are too .

[thegreylady]

My mum flew out to Sierra Leone where I was living to be with me when ds was born. That was 1970 and Mum had never been further than a package holiday to Majorca. She gave me unconditional love and I miss her more than I can say.
My own dd is 39 now and she and I are very close. We talk most days and I help with childcare. We shop together and often have long chats with a glass of wine or a cup of tea. It is too hard to pick out individual things but if I am half the mother my mum was then I will be well pleased.

[bumblebeenest]

I make sure that when a day with a theme comes up (only way I can put it) ie Christmas, Easter, Halloween, Pancake day(!) (there is usually always SOMETHING at least once a month) I make an effort with my kids to celebrate - nothing to do with religion or beliefs just an excuse for total fun. Carve pumpkins, decorate the christmas tree, Easter egg hunts, etc. I think its those sort of things that children remember.

I haven't really explained this very well by using the word 'theme' but I hope you know what i mean!!

Being a mum takes immense effort, and implementing rituals and keeping them up does too but I know that your daughter will really appreciate it and remember it well into her adult life...

I read a nice little saying the other day that said 'Behind every great kid is a mother who's sure she's screwing it up..'