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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
FruOla · 10/06/2013 17:23

That is brilliant, MissyMoo.
I hope it all works out well for you.
Good luck with meeting up with all your family Flowers

TSSDNCOP · 10/06/2013 17:29

How wonderful xx

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 10/06/2013 17:31

Bloody brilliant! Grin

Deffodil · 10/06/2013 17:42

Missymoo,I'm so pleased for you. I went through a very similar experience 4 years ago. You'll feel emotionally drained,but ultimately at peace. xx

TheRealFellatio · 10/06/2013 17:42

What fantastic new Missy I am so please for you! Just remember to be realistic about the outcomes and don't get hurt. You sound very sensible and pragmatic and I'm sure it will all be fine, but I just thought someone should be the voice of caution/reason. Grin

I am sure your Dad will be as delighted to be reunited with you as you will be to finally see him.

mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 10/06/2013 17:52

Congratulations! That's really wonderful news.

CoffeePleaseSir · 10/06/2013 18:11

Wow I have just read the whole thread fantastic news you have found your Dad, MN really is amazing.

BellaVita · 10/06/2013 18:17

Fantastic news!

Manchesterhistorygirl · 10/06/2013 18:18

How wonderful! Such fabulous news!

ChasedByBees · 10/06/2013 18:19

Wonderful! Thanks

LSAR · 10/06/2013 18:19

Hi, this must be very difficult for you. I managed to track down a long lost brother which was a very interesting experience. But anyway if your not afraid of your life being on tv I would contact the show lost family's I think it's called that. its on itv. They do quite a in depth search which may prove more positive for you. All the best in your search don't give up.

Geeklover · 10/06/2013 18:19

I've lurked on and off on this thread and just caught up on it in a (now cold) bath.
What an amazing thread it makes me think of exdh and his desire to find his dads family. It's inspired me now I think I'll try for him.

MissMarplesBloomers · 10/06/2013 18:28

LSAR- you haven't read the whole thread have you?! Grin

See the OP's latest post!!!!

FruOla · 10/06/2013 18:32

LSAR. Clearly you've missed around um 430 odd posts covering a couple of weeks! RTFT Grin

MaureenMLove · 10/06/2013 18:34

Aw, that's great news! I had no doubt that the power of MN would sort it. I hope it's all that you hoped for and more. Thanks

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 10/06/2013 18:47

I have just had the biggest talk with my very lovely cousin, who not only remembers me, but has photos of me as a child, and lives just down the road from my Dad I have 8 Aunties and 1 Uncle and 75...... 75 cousins Shock

My (very lovely, I don't know if I mentioned it before) cousin Grin is popping to see my Dad now and break the news to him that I have been in touch, but he has also invited me there next weekend to meet as many of my family as I can manage in a day haha. He said he always knew I would be in touch one day.

Annoyingly he has told me my Mother was writing to my Auntie for years after she left and also that my Dad did come to Scotland to look for us several times.

But I'm not going to dwell on the past, what I am going to do though is go and buy a Fathers day card Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin

I do know it might all go horribly wrong, it may not work out, he might be awful, he might not want to know or a million other things that means I won't have him in my life for any period of time, I am prepared for it, but even now I have all that I hoped for, family photos (my Grandad did come from Canada for the war btw) a family history, and at the very minimum one cousin who was so pleased to hear from me and is so excited about having a right old catch up.

Once again thank you all so very very very much. Thank you really doesn't seem like enough for how amazing everyone has been though Thanks Wine

OP posts:
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 10/06/2013 19:00

Been lurking on this thread - am now welling up on the train. So pleased for you OP.

The nest of vipers strikes again!

VivaLeBeaver · 10/06/2013 19:03

Wow, that's amazing news! I hope you have a lovely time next weekend. I suppose sensible advice would be not to get your hopes up too much, etc and take things slowly.

Tiggygirl · 10/06/2013 19:06

Lovely news Missymoo .Very happy for you .

MaureenMLove · 10/06/2013 19:11

With very rough calculations, you have over 80 new family members you're are about to meet! Even if your dad isn't what you dreamed of, then there must be at least someone else you click with! That's job done, I say!

Have a wonderful weekend and I look forward to next weeks updates!Smile

TheRealFellatio · 10/06/2013 19:11

My grin is going to split my face in a minute. Grin

TheRealFellatio · 10/06/2013 19:11

My grin is going to split my face in a minute. Grin

TheRealFellatio · 10/06/2013 19:12

What about siblings? We need siblings!!!

FruOla · 10/06/2013 19:16

Your Dad, 8 Aunts, 1 Uncle and 75 cousins!
WOW ... just WOW!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 10/06/2013 19:21

I'm not sure about siblings yet, I spoke to my cousins daughter first (my second cousin?) and I was all very sensible with her and asked lots of things she didn't know much about, she knows my brother but she doesn't really know my Dad.

She then referred me over to my cousin and he gave me so much information and sent me pictures and asked me and told me so much that I totally forgot to ask him anything at all.

I am going to chat to him again later on (after he has been to see my Dad Grin ) and ask him everything I intended to, it was all such a shock tbh.

I still can't believe it. And statistically I am bound to get on with at least one of my family haha (don't place any bets yet though Grin ).

OP posts: