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Original poster

This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
DeepRedBetty · 03/06/2013 08:36

Placemark as Bookmark has gone off sick.

JewelFairies · 03/06/2013 08:54

Yes, where is the bookmark when you need it?
fx for you OP

Triumphoveradversity · 03/06/2013 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WandaDoff · 03/06/2013 09:10

How exciting! I traced some family through the internet a few years ago. I hope you get a good result Smile

ohballs2013 · 03/06/2013 09:29

oh wow.
mumsnet at its best i think!

CatelynStark · 03/06/2013 09:38

Another lurker coming out of the woodwork to say I've got my fingers crossed for you that you get some answers quickly :)

QueenStromba · 03/06/2013 10:26

You have enough details to get a copy of your father's birth certificate. You just need to order it online here. It doesn't matter that you don't have the exact date because they'll check the whole year and one either side.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 03/06/2013 11:27

another lurker shamelessly marking my place Grin

Smudging · 03/06/2013 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

longjane · 03/06/2013 12:04

just read the whole thread and wonder what i could add and then came to last post
you can buy your dads birth cert here
www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/certificates/default.asp
and his marriage cert here

his marriage cert should have his father name on it
his birth cert should have his father and mother name on it
and both will have addresses of where they were living
you will have all details you need for the form from the ancestry entry

longjane · 03/06/2013 12:20

there is B being born in 1946 in Lincoln which is more likely as i dont think anyone from overseas was here in 1936 as that is before the ww2 started
but by the 1942 there were a lot of air force people in Lincolnshire

ColdWinterNights · 03/06/2013 12:29

Another delurker.

Good luck on finding your Dad OP, and well done to the lovely MNers helping, a nest of vipers indeed.

longjane · 03/06/2013 12:29

i would order the marriage cert 1st then it should also give his age on that then go to right birth cert
then you can go the candian air force with a name hopefully

longjane · 03/06/2013 12:52

have inbox you a list of names that seem to have the parents as the B that i found born in 1946
some of the names might ring a bell

good luck and hope you have good news

clarabellabunting · 03/06/2013 13:26

I think the 1946 B is the right one too. Have PM'd MissyMoo with all the details I have found.

You don't want to waste money sending off for the wrong birth certificate. Maybe order the the marriage certificate and it will tell you his age - that will confirm whether he was 20 or 30 at the time of the wedding.

Original poster
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 03/06/2013 13:30

Sorry to the people who have PM'd me the ones I sent back must have been terrible,I can't seem to find my inbox on here so I had to go on my phone which is a nightmare to message from as I can't see what I wrote. Is MN playing up today?

Not much to update really, I have ruled out 6 of the B's on 192, some of them aren't picking up their phones so I'll try again later on.

I'm going to have a look at the 1946 B again, the names of the 1936 B's children tie in with the little information I have so I did dismiss him a bit but I could be getting carried away over a big coincidence so I'll go back and look more closely just in case.

Great ideas about ordering his birth and marriage certificates, I will do both when I have had a look at the younger B to see if its worth ordering his certificates too.

Once again thank you to everyone for your support and help and stories It means such a great deal to me Thanks

OP posts:
clarabellabunting · 03/06/2013 13:38

But 1936 B's children might not be his children. They might be 1946 B's children.

You won't have had a list of his children. You will just have had a list of the children from the 1966 marriage. Which could be either B (but most likely 1946 B in my opinion).

umbrellahead · 03/06/2013 14:08

If ordering certificates, I would agree to start with your mother and father's wedding, hopefully then confirming his year of birth.

This is truly gripping, best of luck to you OP!

umbrellahead · 03/06/2013 14:09

Also, if you're talking about the MN website I've just spotted the inbox in the top right hand corner :)

BoreOfWhabylon · 03/06/2013 14:10

The Inbox has moved to a tab on the top right of the screen, Missy. The little envelope has gone Sad and there is no notification when a message is received. You kave to keep looking Sad Sad

NamelessMcNally · 03/06/2013 15:41

What a heartwarming thread! I really hope it all works out for you.

A number of years ago my DUncle (who emigrated to Oz at age 19) was contacted by a woman who had traced him. Her mother had always told her DU was her father. They talked over a number of months and when he came back home met. He fully accepted her as his DD. I think she had a pretty acrimonious relationship with her M and all of a sudden she had this big extended family who accepted her. DU had been happy to have a DNA test at any point but, being a complete gent, didn't want to force it on her. It all made sense to him and it would have been doubting her word. So for the guts of a year relationships were built, she went to visit. And then she decided she would like to have the DNA test. Her mother had lied to her. DU was a convenient father as he had "run away from his responsibilities". Her M would not give her any other names and had told everyone DU was her father. So, she hit a brick wall and will never find him. Oddly she is still part of our family.

I know it doesn't bear any resemblance to your story but it's just made me sad for her. Then again DU is just about the best honorary dad you could imagine.

FruOla · 03/06/2013 16:27

longjane, the Canadian chap is probably the OP's grandfather, not her father - who was UK born.

There is no reason to suppose that there weren't any Canadians in the UK until WW2 - as Canada sent many troops/forces/airforce personnel to Europe in WWI.

longjane · 03/06/2013 17:29

please order cert from the government web site

i would order the marriage cert 1st

then take it from there

but even you do order the 1936 and 1946 ones a least the you can give the father name to Canadian air force .

Fruola i am guessing ww2 because there were not really many planes in ww1 and in ww2 we had had lot of airfields down Lincolnshire way.
i do say it is a guess but it is good as place to start from as any .
the canadian air force will know where there planes where though hopefully.

and yes i do try post well just does not always come up right when i get hooked on something .

good luck

FruOla · 03/06/2013 19:16

There were many Canadians involved in WW1 en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Military_history_of_Canada_during_World_War_I (most of this Wiki entry refers to the army).

The OP does say that she's not absolutely sure whether her father's father was actually in the Canadian airforce anyway.

The USAF bases, in East Anglia and elsewhere, were mainly, as you say WW2.

But the Royal Canadian Air Force did send their personnel to the UK in WW1 to participate, given they were a British Dominion. Just have a look on the Royal Canadian Air Force web site (www.rcaf-arc.forces.gc.ca/v2/index-eng.asp), in their 'history' section for WW1 - it makes humbling reading.

doradoo · 03/06/2013 20:06

The RCAF bit would tie in though if he is the 1946 B.