This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

[MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel]

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

Haha crossposted with the crosspost about crossposting MissMarple

Maryz Thanks

Allthough having spent most of the day staining the front garden fence

I'm knackered so enthusiasm is a
bit half hearted at present!

Nearly wine o'clock though.

(or should that be sherry to keep in character??!)

Sniggering here too !

If you DO find your Dad MM it would be interesting to hear his version of your parents parting wouldn't it given her behaviour?

< nosy cah emoticon again>

Not to be put on here naturally unless you really want to of course

A schooner of Bristol Cream MissMasplesBloomers? :)

Oh just the ticket Fergoose m'dear.

Wow I hope you find your dad!

MissMarple it would be very, very interesting to find out his side of events, but if he is alive and I do manage to find him i don't think I will ask him, I don't want to waste time by talking about what happened between him and my Mother, I have her version, he will have his version, and somewhere in the middle will lie the truth.

On the other hand I am also extremely nosy so if I do find him and he wanted to tell me it would be rude to stop him wouldn't it and of course I wouldn't put it on here but I would PM everyone on the thread to make sure they know

Got you......

marking my place, I love mysteries like this and I'm pleasantly surprised at the developments of this one!

good luck Missy

I always find this a good place to start asking about local people, someone will know Send them an email.

Well, if only people who post on the thread get a PM then I guess I'd better de-lurk & mark my place! It's all so exciting!

Thank you for that quote that is a brilliant idea. I will email them just now to see if they can help me.

I have found a record of my brother getting married, but that was me being nosy more than anything because I am fairly certain I have his address, sadly I have also found out that his, and my sisters mother died about a decade ago as well, but I also found out her name as she remarried after she and my Dad divorced (or so it looks like, I will do some double checking) so my sisters could have their Mums maiden name, my dads name or her second husbands name or a completely different name now

Thanks again for all the support and help, I can't believe how far I have come in a few short days thanks to the brilliant and wonderful people on MN

Welcome Jojo I was telling a lady who PMd me that I always thought lurkers on MN were urban myths until these past few days, it seems I'm definitely wrong

Likewise jojo

It's been great to see you making such progress, and lovely to see all the help you have been getting.

I, as ever on this site, wish there was something I could do to help. Oh well, maybe one day.

here's to even more progress and answers for you

Fried that's exactly why I shoved my oar in volunteered to help!

So many times MNers have asked for help with a variety of things & there has ALWAYS been someone local to help in some way or another, which is fab, but too far away for me to be any use.

When I saw the county Missy was talking about was Lincolnshire I intially though hmm interesting......then when she mentioned the village next to ours I thought f**k me well I never

Some MNer some day may be in need of help in your vicinity I bet!

'pay it forward'

i Love MumsNet

What a marvellous thread! I have just read it all and am from ear to ear!

Upthread someone mentioned that they had found Joe's birth registration. Presumably this has his father's name on it (the Canadian)? So Missy might be able to track down her Canadian relatives too?

Another Lurker here, there will be a ton of them on your thread Missy! It is all very heartwarming.

I know these things don't always work out but it sounds like you are totally open minded and prepared for that, and as someone else has said there are so many sibs to be found that surely the odds of you getting along with somebody is high

My Mum who is well into her 70's, is adopted and decided to trace her birth mother several years ago. It was something she had thought about doing for a long time. As expected her birth mother was no longer alive but she did find other maternal relatives who she is now really close to and both families regularly meet up, it's lovely. She also learnt loads about her birth mother and has a sense of peace about it all I think. Good Luck

Good morning everyone.

I got an email back from a lovely bloke in the Canadian Air Force who is going to have a look at some records for me, but because I don't have many details and am not sure of my 'Grandads' name or even if he was in the Air Force they have more or less said there isn't a lot they can do, but at least they are going to try. It may turn up with something, stranger things have happened.

Bore the record is a birth index not a birth certificate so I have 'Grandmas' last name and the fact my Dad was born in Oct/Nov/Dec 1936 and thats it. It would have made life so much easier if it was a birth certificate.

My plan today is to call around these B's in Lincoln when the kids are at school and see if I can get anywhere, I've also decided I am going to write letters rather than call or email my potential sister and brother again, I'll leave it a few days to see if they reply then send them and if I don't hear back then I will have to leave it :( I don't want to cause them upset or harass them.

Once again I am overwhelmed with the support, stories and help I am being given, and the amount of people delurking to wish me well, its truely amazing and I am so very grateful to each and every one of you

Another (de)lurker here as I tend not to post if I don't have anything useful to add but your story has me gripped!

Good idea about the letters, bet you'll be jumping everytime the phone rings once you've sent them. Good luck with your quest.

Wow! What a thread, amazing stuff, good luck MM i hope you get the answers you are looking for, its looking increasingly more likely!

I'm not sure randomly contacting brothers and sisters is a great idea, tbh. It can be hugely upsetting for people. Best to do it through a third party, I think.

Boffin if I find any of the younger ones I will make contact via another family member of theirs who can judge the situation better than me. The older brothers and sisters know I exsist so it shouldn't be a massive shock, but this is why I am making contact via email and will send them letters just in case the email addresses are out of date, I have numbers I could call on but I want to give them the choice to contact me if they wish. Its only my Dad I'm going to contact by phone if I can.

Your brothers and sisters may not reply straight away as this might be the first time they even know of your existance.