Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

489 replies

Berts · 30/01/2013 12:19

Not just the usual competitive, Stepford Mommies rubbish, but real 'back away now, slowly' stuff.

Mine was when one of the babies, ten months old fell over and banged his head. His mum picked him up to give him a cuddle (of course) but, when he didn't stop crying pretty quickly she stands him on her lap, looks him in the eye and starts barking: "Man up! Come on, Man up!"

Barking being the operative word...

OP posts:
ThreeBeeOneGee · 30/01/2013 23:01

PortBlacksand: that could well have been me! When mine were little, I used to keep them (and myself) amused by improvising a sort of singing commentary on everything we were doing. I would usually make it rhyme, and change the style to suit my mood: blues, opera etc. Always in tune though. Grin

pictish · 30/01/2013 23:06

My ds2 liked fairy outfits. He liked the sparkliness...and so he should...it's a shame that boys are pretty much denied glittery sparly stuff because it's lovely and magical and totally childlike. That's what ds2 liked about them. I can honestly say I can ever recall a bad reaction, or even any reaction at all beyond a smiling one, towards him.
He's all 'no thank you that's for girls' now. Not of my doing. Shame really. Glitter is great.

scarletforya · 30/01/2013 23:06

turtle boy wins! Grin

MogTheForgetfulCat · 30/01/2013 23:11

No, mental naked panpipe elf wins! Grin

PortBlacksandResident2013 · 30/01/2013 23:11

Grin at singing ladies on this thread...
...she did keep it up for over 2 hours i know, because we began following her in the end

TheLateMrPamuk · 30/01/2013 23:12

I met a woman at play group who seemed very nice. She was new to the area and her eldest dc was in my dds class. So to be friendly I invited her round for coffee.
She stayed for six freaking hours and basically lectured me about God and my believes. She kept telling me to let myself be filled with the love of God. I am CofE and kept telling her this but she just seemed to want to preach at me.
The next time she turned up I was roasting a chicken and her toddler thought a stock cube was a sweetie. She took it off him and said "Sweetie when mummy cooks chicken at home and boils up all the bones to make lovely stock well this is what a lazy mummy uses".
As I was trying to think of a suitable come back he picked up dd's Harry Potter wand and I said something like oh wow a magic wand she screeched and started saying "no, no, no not wands, wands aren't real pretend it's the sword of God".
She also took me to her allotment once too which was nice but on the way she found a discarded bag of clothing on a wall, it seemed to be full of saris.
She turned up at school the next day in a burka that had been at the bottom of the bag. I didn't recognize her until she made herself known to me and Said she had just fancied a change.
The last time I really saw her to chat to was when I bumped into her in a charity shop while I was queuing up to buy the first Harry Potter book for dd [ blush]
I don't really see her much anymore but she did make me laugh even though she was very rude to me at times.

pinkyp · 30/01/2013 23:20

I love these!

EugenesAxe · 30/01/2013 23:22

It was kind of funny... I went to this baby class and there was a fairly fleshy mother who also attended. She would wear quite drapery tops and one week, lurching around for her son, her tit fell out.

It wouldn't have been odd had it not been for the fact she was sat opposite a couple there with their son, and also seemed to know her tit was hanging out - she left it exposed for some time. In the end the woman of the couple went and whispered to her (she and her DH, and me a bit, had all been silently giggling and wondering if she'd noticed or whether we should speak up).

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 30/01/2013 23:36

All very funny, but I nearly been sick from laughing about that child in the car seat!!

AndFanjoWasHisNameO · 30/01/2013 23:53

Oh really can't breathe for laughing at poor turtle boy and Madam Panpipes. Pregnant with DC3 and determined to trawl all local baby groups in the hope of out-mentalling those examples Grin

Piemother · 31/01/2013 00:17

I met a mum at baby yoga who did that ventriloquist thing where they project a voice on to their not yet verbal baby in a daft baby voice. I thought she was a bit mental but quite sweet really. Fast forward a year or so and I met her again at a birthday party of a little girl dd goes to nursery with. She, dd and a particular little boy are as thick as thieves and have been for 3 solid years now. Ventriloquist mum spent the whole party bellowing that her ds was gojng to challenge this little boy (dd's chum) to a duel in a semi serious way. They were 2 then!

ThedementedPenguin · 31/01/2013 00:32

Piemother I do that Sad okay not in a baby voice. And I don't think I'm as crazy as that. I kind of pretend he has spoke and then I agree. mostly when Dp is annoying me. So it will go something like this...

Dp: being a twat

Ds: makes noises

Me: yes ds your right daddy is a twat!! Blush

FreePeaceSweet · 31/01/2013 00:42

ThedementedPenguin Shock that is just horrid towards your dp. I have never done similar oh no, not me guvnor.. Walks away whistling :o

Blessyou · 31/01/2013 00:47

Is it just me, nervously reading the thread, half expecting to identify myself and my pfb antics?

My contribution is the dad who followed his boy around shouting "No, don't play with that.. (pram/doll) . Girls toy? Here you are - brum brum".

Then changed his sons nappy, and took him home. In his pram. Surely his son was just imitating daddy?

Blessyou · 31/01/2013 00:50

That should be 'Girls toy!' There was no question, he was quite definate about it Grin

MammaTJ · 31/01/2013 05:17

I went to a group in a church. There was a baby area, a toddler play area all in one room but sort of divided by toys. Then there was the kitchen, divided by a stair gate, then a quick turn right, so hardly really in the kitchen and another stair gate to the 'craft room' where mums were meant to take their DC to do the craft of that week. I was playing with baby DS, who was about 4 months old. DD was 16 months old. I looked up and couldn't see her. I panicked and was frantically asking everyone if they had seen her, knowing there was no way she could have got out herself.

Then a CM friend of mine told me she had gone in to the craft room. I got there and found her. The helpers absolutely insisted she had got in there herself when I asked who had let her in. They looked me in the eye and lied to me to justify their actions in letting her in without my knowledge.

She is now 7 2/2 ans still cannot open stairgates. Grin

Yamyoid · 31/01/2013 06:50

onetiredmummy the 10 month old shall have revenge when she hits 3 or 4 and starts with the verbal diarrhoea, 'mummy...mummy....mummeee'
Grin

NeverQuiteSure · 31/01/2013 07:31

Are you sure mad singing zoo woman only had one child with her PortBlacks?

I sing everything at home (although in perfect tune, obviously) and whilst I don't think I've been loony enough to do it in public, sleep deprivation does strange things to you. Did each verse have a show-tune style ending complete with jazz hands and twirl?

PortBlacksandResident2013 · 31/01/2013 07:54

Yes it was just her and her toddler. She was definitely making them up as she went along and there was a sad lack of jazz hands and twirling Sad and tune

feel a bit bad now hope she's not on here

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 31/01/2013 07:56

Pictish. My bil won't allow his little boy to dress up in anything that's not masculine. So every time i look after him i get all the fancy dress out and he loves the fairy ones complete with sparkly shoes and hair accessories. If bil knew he'd have a heart attack. He's convinced that dressing up like that will make his son catch the gay!

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 31/01/2013 08:01

Blessyou. I've seen men in shops refusing the get their kids the clothes they want because they think they aren't masculine enough. One little boy really wanted those yellow wellies with diggers on (you know the ones) but the dad refused because he said that yellow was for girls. They had a fucking digger on!

Badvoc · 31/01/2013 08:02

I know someone like that Pictish...won't even let his toddler son have a tea set.
He is a teacher :(

Pilfette · 31/01/2013 08:05

My favourite was the naice toddler group leader who took me aside on my 2nd time there and explained in a loud whisper that it was ok, I didn't have to call myself Mrs and wear a wedding ring because, and I quote, "we don't judge people who choose to have babies out of wedlock".

I was about to turn 20, and married (foolishly, as it turns out) 3 weeks after my 18th birthday. As I explained this, because I was less feisty back then, she shook her head and carried on with the, no really, it's ok, we don't mind thing. Eventually I just gave up. Even though DD is now 17, remembering that conversation still makes me feel squirmy and judged Blush

Badvoc · 31/01/2013 08:05

I used to know a very strange woman.
Desperately competitive, to the point that when I plucked up the courage to tell her I has been dx with late onset pnd, she was at the gp the next week telling him she thought she had it!
:(
I could go on...she put her house on the Market the week after we did, got a new car the day after I did, copied my hairstyle,,my clothes...you get the drift.
So after I became unaccountably bust every time she rang!

Dramajustfollowsme · 31/01/2013 08:17

First ever venture to toddler group, trying to make polite small talk, one woman homes in on me and immediately starts telling me in great detail about her lack of sex drive, how her DH doesn't know what he is doing in the bedroom and he wants her to wear PVC gimp costumes. I had only been in the room for 10 minutes and had never met her before.
She then asked me about my sex life. I didn't answer and tried to change the subject. She then continued and said "maybe you could service my husband for me, you would look nice in PVC. I could maybe do you a favour in return, hoovering or gardening perhaps?!?"
I made a quick exit and never went back! I have since spotted her and her DH in tesco, it is quite difficult to get the image of her in PVC out of my head!