What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

[Berts]

Not just the usual competitive, Stepford Mommies rubbish, but real 'back away now, slowly' stuff.

Mine was when one of the babies, ten months old fell over and banged his head. His mum picked him up to give him a cuddle (of course) but, when he didn't stop crying pretty quickly she stands him on her lap, looks him in the eye and starts barking: "Man up! Come on, Man up!"

Barking being the operative word...

I feel shortchanged, your groups are all far more mental than mine!

Only two mildly weird things stick out for me, the mother who complained the hydrotherapy pool was too warm (the rest of us were just glad we weren't in the usually freezing public pool) and the mother who glared at me yesterday as I knelt beside a small child, asked him if I could please have a tambourine (he had four) picked one up, thanked the wee boy and handed it to my DS. He wasn't even her son!

Not a playgroup but a party for a 3 year old, where all the kids family were shouting fuck and cunt whilst smoking weed.

A woman who wanted to be friends with me who seemed really lovely and friendly. She wanted my children to go over to her house alone (she was trying to help me out which was lovely of her) but i couldn't bring myself to allow it after finding out that she would do anything and everything her husband told her to, including and the worst thing by far, which was leaving the country to go and stay somewhere with no medical facilities for miles and miles and miles even though she was very high risk pregnancy. They both knew she shouldn't go because she needed to be in this country for an injection. She went because he was in charge and it was his job as the husband to make all the decisions. The result was that her baby died

She was so nice but i just didn't feel i could leave my children in her care when really she wouldn't have been the one making the decisions which she openly admitted.

Felt awful for her and would talk to her about her options but she was committed to staying with him.

Ok somewhat off topic but after my youngest was born I was quite sick with PND and went into respite care. There were only 3 of us and both the other women were called Delwyn which, even in my unhappiness I found quite amusing.

I was the mad woman at play group. My friend wanted to come to the cafe after the session but didn't have a car seat. I lent her the little one that clips on top of the combi buggy, and said its ok, I have another in one my car. My car was parked a couple of streets away. So I had to get to my car with the baby and the combi buggy but no top bit, so I decided to wrap her up and pop her in the shopping basket underneath....was only a very short walk. Had to cross at a zebra crossing, and all the cars stopped and the drivers were starring at me pushing a tiny baby in the shopping basket, I felt like such a twat They still take the piss out of me now, 5 years on.

Pmsl at the baby in a shopping basket!

Loving that I have shared the joy of the panpipe elf with others. It is one of my favourite memories ever. The best thing was that everyone else was so terribly British about it and just carried on getting their babies changed as if nothing unusual was happening at all. I never saw her again :(

Not at all recall, I've seen plenty of babies sling into the shopping basket section. It's quite near where I work.

MNHQ, this thread needs to end up in classics.

Ooh ooh I remember another one!!!

38wk pg with DD, Ds was 17mo. Went to a music session with a stay and play afterwards. Sat next to DS and this woman descends upon me and asks "Will your children have the same father?!" I was gobsmacked, should of told her to fuck off but I just said yes, they would. She came right up close to me and said "I. Don't. Believe. You". I grabbed Ds, plonked him in his puschair. Was so shocked and shaken that I cried all the way home.

Rapunzell. Fucking hell! Was she a bit, you know, not well, or was it a judgment on you?

I was at a play session yesterday with the DC I look after (18months) there was a very stressed lady with a carrycot thing - it looked like a big sports bag from the outside but was in fact a really well padded baby bed thing.

Anyway, the baby was crying so she started swinging it from side to side (seriously hefty bit of kit, she was sweating and straining!) and then, I shit you not, started swinging it round in circles like someone about to throw a shot putt! (Or whatever it's called) She took out about five toddlers (my mindee being one of them) then glared at the assembled weeping children and roared "Why don't you look where you're going?!"

Bizarre!

One where a woman insisted to the whole group that a small bottle of formula is thicker than a large bottle or formula. I explained that no there's more of it but its the same thickness, but she insisted that no 6 scoups to 6 ounces meant it was thicker than 3 scoups to 3 ounces (or however its meant to be mixed, can't remember).

Smile and nod, smile and nod.

nevermind. That made me laugh out loud (even though its a bit dangerous).

fuckadoodle (bloody brilliant name!) I think it was a mixture of both! A few acquaintences messaged me on the ol' Facebook later to say they had heard what she said and were so sorry and then regale me of tales of how fecking scary and weird she was. This included stopping the middle of a singing session when everyone was singing the hello song to the babies "Hello alex, hello...hello Lily, hello..." (isywim) to call a woman a "copycat bitch" because her DD had the same name as her DS.

I have since seen her ranting and raving at staff in our local supermarket.

Ooh! Sounds like she's not well then! That's sad! Or just a horrible bitch. Hard to know.

Thanks for the name compliment. Had it for a while though so due a name change. Not sure whether to keep the poopoo bit or the fuckadoodle.

It would actually have been quite funny had they not been hurt - they went down like skittles! Bless. God she was weird!

Keep the fuckadoodle bit, definitely. Important decision, this!

Its the most important decision I've had to make all year!

they went down like skittles

You see, i know that shouldn't make me laugh . . .

We lived in America when DD was tiny. At playgroup, there was a lovely American dad who brought his daughter Sydney-Rainbow. The mum was pg, and they were humming and haaiing about names for a couple of months before her due date - all a little unusual, but fine, horses for courses and all that.

Fast forward to the first visit after the baby was born, along comes dad proudly announcing his newborn son, London-Star.

I absolutely couldn't stop the words coming out of my mouth - "Isn't that a newspaper?"

I don't think Dad was too impressed.

No weird happenings sadly but a few odd names! We had a lady and her newborn girl at our toddler group. She was really pretty and dainty. I asked her what she was called and she said 'Larkin'.
I replied- 'what, as in larkin' about?' It popped out before I could stop myself! Felt to bad later!

So bad*

nevermind For a moment then I thought you meant she was swinging it up and over her head! (You know that party trick you do with a bucket full of water and you swing it so fast over your head the water stays in the bucket).

I thought jeeez that poor baby!

Then read it again and roared with laughter

I am wondering if the reason why I've never experienced any weird people in my playgroups is because I'M the one...

I was a rude woman at a baby group before. I got talking to a lovely woman and asked her what her baby's name was. She said Astrid. I said 'oh that's a lovely name, I really love that name, it's one of my favourites and it was on our list for DD! Hi Astrid!" .

Then she says "No, MY name is Astrid, the baby's name is Murgatroyd." (or something) and I just said "Oh." And suddenly the English language was leeched from my brain and we all just sat and looked at the baby.