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Omg such anality from pil. Come and share your anal behaviour stories (lighthearted)

911 replies

ledkr · 05/01/2013 11:04

We are with pil at present and they are very sweet but so bloody uptight about everything.
Bil has been away for a week so he left car with pil so that it "wasn't left in the street" it has a steering lock on and fil takes it for a drive each day! The car is an old banger worth about two hundred quid.
Kids can't even eat a banana without a table cloth,mat and plate Hmm
Leaving the house to walk to shops is a major ordeal. Costs hats gloves change of shoes everything switched off at the wall last minute run upstairs for wallets. I could have been there and back.
So I'm asking you to entertain me with similar stories to help me through the day.

OP posts:
LaQueen · 06/01/2013 16:50

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rechargemybatteries · 06/01/2013 16:55

Has no one else mentioned the bowel obsession? If I phone mother I get chapter and verse on her bowels and how her cup of coffee in the morning sorts her right out. I have to remember not to phone around 9am or the conversation is cut short with really FAR too much information.

EndoplasmicReticulum · 06/01/2013 17:00

FIL has to shit before leaving the house, too. He waits until the moment before everyone is standing in the hall, coats and shoes on. Why doesn't he pre-emptively shit?

Anyway, we don't wait for them any more. Benefit of only fitting us in the car, we just meet at the destination.

Shattereddreams · 06/01/2013 17:01

Dear departed FIL list of foibles

Knives for the job; butter for toast, butter for bread, hard cheese, soft cheese, chicken, roast meat, steak, chops, grapefruit, melon, loaved bread, bread rolls, chopping herbs/ garlic.

Spoons for the job; sugar, coffee, tea, grapefruit, jelly, melon, hot soup, cold soup

Glasses for the drink; lager, bitter, fizzy pop, water, fizzy water, red wine, white wine, sherry, port, brandy. You couldn't see the table. Whole other cupboard just for glasses for breakfast purposes.

The whole rigmarole of getting the right glass and then finding which glass fronted cabinet it is in. Then washing it up before finally being presented with a drink.

Repeat for cutlery.

Microwave (always unplugged) has a sheet of kitchen roll in it on top of the glass plate. Changed weekly on a Sunday morning. When the hob is taken apart and brillo'd. No one is allowed in the kitchen during this time.

Gadgets for the job; green bean stringer, evaporated milk can opener, tomato knife, strawberry husk remover, tea bag squeezer, spaghetti measurer, a million Tupperware inventions like a blamange shaker. There is an entire Tupperware floor to ceiling cupboard.

We had to empty the loft and he had everything already mentioned, bank statements, millions screws & hooks, pieces of wood, three old toilet seats, four sets of spanners etc. The loft, garage, summer house and shed are filled to the brim with at least three of EVERYTHING.

I miss him dearly Grin

My mother has turned into her mother. She keeps the fairy in a pump dispenser next to the sink. The ergonomically perfect bottle designed by Proctor and Gamble isn't up to the job.

clam · 06/01/2013 17:04

Friend's mil refuses to allow her gardener to put any grass cuttings or garden waste in her green wheelie-bin in case it gets dirty. She makes him bag it all up and take it to the dump every week.

Doinmummy · 06/01/2013 17:06

My dad has kept weather charts for the last 20 years. He writes down the temperature, sunny , cloudy , rain , snow etc. if we talk about something in the past he goes and looks up what the weather was doing that day!

CunningPlan · 06/01/2013 17:08

Oh my god I thought my PILs were the only ones!

Washing out and reusing sandwich bags - yes.

Obsession for squeegee-ing the shower? Yes.

MIL is obsessive about security as well and hides all the keys. She also wraps her purse in a carrier bag before putting it in her handbag and carries her handbag round the house with her - I once caught her agter breakfast in her nightie in our kitchen, struggling to load the dishwasher which she doesn't understand because her handbag kept swinging in her way from where she had strung it over her shoulder.

Finally, despite the house being about 15 metres from the road, she spends ages infinitesimally adjusting the vertical blinds in the lounge and dining room in case a potential burglar wants to look in and case the joint for her china collection some of which is worth at least a fiver quite valuable.

Weirdly, notwithstanding her shower cleanliness obsession, she point blank refuse to take off her shoes when walking on our newly fitted carpets because "her shoes are clean".

Just because there's no dog shit on them, doesn't mean they're clean, MIL Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/01/2013 17:13

LaQueen - my dh does a similar thing when leaving the house, except that I have no idea what he actually does, because he waits until we are all out of the house and in the car, before vanishing indoors for several minutes. This is irritating in summer and fecking annoying in winter, when we sit shivering in the car whilst he faffs indoors.

And he loves spreadsheets. I once bought him a special, expensive kit so he could build an 'OO' gauge P2 locomotive, and he spent days writing a spreadsheet that detailed exactly what had to be done, in what order, and what tools etc would be needed at each stage - it was truly a magnificent example of the Art of the Spreadsheet.

He has not made the loco. He hasn't even taken it out of the bloody packaging!

Trills · 06/01/2013 17:19

Expandy table with tablecloth on.

After dinner, take the eating-tablecloth off, inspect to see how dirty it is, fold it up, shrink table, put on a different cloth (the decorative-tablecloth).

Everyone then leaves that room.

When I came down for breakfast the table had already been expanded again and the decorative-tablecloth removed and the eating-tablecloth put back on.

Why not just leave the same cloth on between dinner and breakfast?

Winterwardrobetime · 06/01/2013 17:20

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DontmindifIdo · 06/01/2013 17:30

laqueen - do you ever ask your DH why he does that and point it out everytime he does it that he's got to get ready now ?

DH used to do the wandering off when I was about to serve food thing, early on in our relationship I had a meltdown at him words about how rude I found it and if someone has been kind enough to cook for him, the least he could do would be come and eat it. I now normally give him a 5 minute warning along the lines of "just about to plate up" and expect him to get all his random shit various jobs done and be at the table in time to eat.

PurpleKittyKnitting · 06/01/2013 17:31

Wow, nothing to add to this, but it has taken me all day to read! Had to slow down/stop while my mum and stepped came for their fortnightly visit!

Need to start tea now!

LemonMousse · 06/01/2013 17:46

Trills your expandy table has reminded me of PIL's emergency table for the DGC. It's a folding picnic table that they keep behind the back door. If the whole family are there (13 of us) for tea on say Christmas Day the picnic table goes up in the front room for the GC to sit at. There are 5 GC so 3 sit on the sofa at the table and the remaining 2 (usually my DD's as they are the youngest) get a child sized plastic patio chair each.

Not too anal? Practical even? But what if I tell you that the eldest of the GC is 20 and the youngest 12?

DDs were adamant this year that they would NOT sit on the plastic chairs as when they try to stand the chair comes with them (they were bought when my 20yo DS was about 2 to give an idea of size!). MIL agreed that they were 'getting a bit big for them' so they were allowed to sit in the armchairs as long as they were 'careful' with their plates Grin

TherapeuticVino · 06/01/2013 17:49

Brilliant thread. I have a couple!

DM and DF took my sons to centreparcs for a long weekend. DF produced a colour coded spreadsheet of the different activities that each of them, DM and he would be doing with times locations and notes eg" remember loose clothing". We then had to have a meeting a week before they left to go through this point by point while they each checked their individual copy as well as the full version. They were 6,4 and 2.

On holiday with ILs , we couldnt go out or do anything on last day of the 7 day holiday as that was "packing day". We also had to eat in the villa that night as we had leftover food that needed to be used up. 2 hard boiled eggs. There we 8 of us.

My Uncle reads every crappy piece of junk mail that comes through his door with great interest. He then highlights relevant parts of each letter/brochure with different coloured highlighter pens ready to discuss with the family that evening. Fascinating stuff!

RandallPinkFloyd · 06/01/2013 18:11

Lemon that's classic!

CailinDana · 06/01/2013 18:17

Lemon that so reminds me of going to my grans with all my cousins when I was a teenager. There are billions of us, ranging very widely in age, with me and my sister being among the oldest. One day when I was about 14 I was sitting on the living room floor eating my boiled sausage and spaghetti hoops and suddenly thought "hang on, I'm not a toddler!" I had to beg to be allowed into the kitchen/dining room with the adults, to eat real food like sandwiches and cake. Felt very grown up that day I did :)

timidviper · 06/01/2013 18:24

My DH has the getting everybody out and sat in the car thing but, rather than vanishing, he then spends 10 minutes fiddling with the satnav, checking the location on the map, etc while we all freeze or fry according to the weather. Think smy suggestion of thinking ahead is ludicrously unreasonable.

MIL always needs the loo exactly as the food goes on the table, never when I pointedly warn them that "food is ready in a minute if you want to wash your hands or anything....", nope, all fine, but the second the plate hits the table she's off!

DontmindifIdo · 06/01/2013 18:29

Timidviper - start lying, you know she does this so shout "it's ready" and click plates let her go off to the loo then start serving up so she's back in time...

My parents do so many things on this thread, I do feel sorry for DH. I hadn't thought either that since retiring, my mum (who used to commute via the motorway and some of hte most tretcherous roads every day) never drives. She could easily be one of those woman who stops driving by accident...

colditz · 06/01/2013 18:31

My mother cannot do more than one thing a day. Now, this may be a really massive thing, such as going to work for twelve hours, or it might be simply having a bath. But if you suggest doing something, the response is the same either way "I can't! I've had a bath/been at work/climbed a mountain/changed my socks!"

LaQueen · 06/01/2013 18:34

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Sparklingbrook · 06/01/2013 18:35

My DM doesn't like to go out in the morning if she is going out in the afternoon.

LaQueen · 06/01/2013 18:38

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WantAnOrange · 06/01/2013 18:41

I lived ith my PILS for about a year and I adore them, I really do.

However, if I put something in the dishwasher FIL would come along behind me and rearrange it because it has to go in a certain way.

Whenever we go over there, or if the come here we gain a carrier bag of stuff, this usually includes a bag of coffee and a bottle of wine. I dont drink coffee and Im BF so cant drink much alcohol. I am also quite capable of purchasing these things myself with my usual food shopping. I currently have 5 unopened bags of coffee in my cupboard.

They have stored DH's entire childhood in there loft and think that DS now wants it. He doesnt. He doesnt need DH's Liverpool kit from when he was 6, as he has his own Liverpool kit, that FIL bought him.

However, I am worse. I get cross (inwardly, I am polite) when someone buys me novelty mugs as a gift because I like my mugs to match. MIL has cottoned on and guess what I got for xmas? Grin

MrsMiniversCharlady · 06/01/2013 18:42

Haha, this thread has made me giggle.

My DF always:

Weighs anything he microwaves so he can calculate precisely how long it will take

12 hours before we are due to eat a roast dinner, he goes round each person in the household asking them (through the toilet door if necessary) how many roast potatoes they think they would like to eat. He then examines each potato before peeling it and assesses how many pieces he will cut it into so that he can be sure to have precisely the right number at said roast dinner.

When he gets in the car for a journey, however short, he puts his seatbelt on carefully. He then checks, and makes minute adjustments to, the rear-view mirror to ensure optimal visibility. After this he removes his glasses, breathes on them, carefully cleans them, replaces them, takes them off again to re-clean and then puts them on again. When I was 16 and had a Saturday job for which I was invariably running late, this routine used to drive me to tears on a regular basis Grin

There are hundreds more examples, but I am too tiddly to list them all. I'd think it was an age thing but he's always been like this, or at least for as long as I can remember Shock

goinnowhere · 06/01/2013 18:42

Brilliant thread!

Packing is important to my GM. She phones me 5 actual weeks before I go away to make sure I am packed. When I confess to not having started, she says, "that's nice, you're being all relaxed and casual about it, it'll be ok if you forget a few things"