For the first time ever DH & DS went off to do the xmas food shop......I am still laughing...

[Megglevache]

...his parting words
"don't look worried Mrs MLV...I got this"

he spent almost £300

he bought amoungst other things
12 pack of kitchen roll
24 luxury toilet rolls- the type that are about 12 tog and will block up our feeble pipes
A partridge
8 different olives
Masses and masses of lemon jelly???
Premier Champagne (he's teetotal) I drink Cava
Popcorn (with sour cream and chives Heresy
the whole biscuit aisle
a farking Heston Blumenthrill cake (£25!!!???)
a crate of festive cheeses
8lb gammon
salmon
bike helmet
fancy bubble bath
posh candles (that smell)

Please share with me tales of bizarre shopping to take off the edge..

PS.. I am still laughing every time I open up the fridge...(which has hardly anything in it)

Speak for yourselves! My DH wouldn't have a problem with it. He'd be as good as me, without the need for a list.

The only thing he 'fucked up' on this year was he put four bottles of mulled wine in the trolley instead of two (he didn't think he'd put any in when he put the second lot in) and when he realised at the till he was 'too proud' to admit his mistake so bought all four.

He is very much forgiven drunken hiccup

Oh this is great . Haven't laughed so much for ages .

My DH has done almost the exact opposite . Nipped out for batteries and mayonnaise for prawn cocktails . Came back with the wrong size batteries ( ' I thought you said C's , not D's !' ) and a shitload of prawns . Apparently he just heard the phrase prawn cocktail and improvised . We now have no mayonnaise . At all .

So if I come round yours with the entire North Atlantic's stock of prawns that I now seem to have , we might manage to get a prawn cocktail together between us .

This is the best Christmas thread I've read. It's made me cry laughing.

You both sound gorgeous.

Very, very Merry Christmas to you

Best post I've read in a very long time.
Happy Christmas to you all !

a nomination for classics.

OMG Megg... I just checked out your profile to see if you had put some pictures of your hilarious shopping and wow, you and your family are gorgeous!

Love all your shopping, sounds like the crazy stuff dh comes home with on account of it all being discounted. Never mind that it's blooming impossible to make an edible meal out of it!

See in my house that would be me. Dh does the shopping and cooking.

I was sent with a list yesterday and strict instructions to stick to it.

AND tomorrow I have to switch the dinner on ( he has prepared most of it) as he will be working till 6, DS and DDIL are arriving at 6 so we will be eating about 7,

You wouldnt believe I always did it till I married him

(I did go off the list a bit as well

Plomino- me and you baby...enough prawn cocktail to make the bernie inn blance.

Oh my goodness genuine thanks..you are all so sweet. Thank you.
I'm very happy and slightly tipsy have just come back from a dear friend's house- she plied us with fizz and they were weeing at dh's list of shopping and want to share a mouthful of partridge tomorrow- dh bathing the kids now...will do photos now...he will not tell me what's in the stockings apart from the tantalising "aa batteries" because who doesn;t need them...

He's got them lighter fluid and Deodorgel? hasn't he...I may have mad eup the latter

Good grief, you are a very good looking family

Love that he bought shampoo..

Can this go in classics? I've been giggling at it rather a lot. The cat is very confused:o

Hahaha! This is brilliant. :o Another vote for classics.

Btw, posh birds eggs are lush, never had the duck ones though. The normal hen ones cost about £3 for 6 btw!

I do love this thread.

We are hosting family Xmas breakfast - he did the shopping.

The list said 'nice bread'

He bought thick sliced white hovis (plastic)

hey I have added pics of the food feast...
had to do it in private

I feel like a spy

Loving the random packet of teacakes. :)

When I was younger my Dad always started his Christmas present shopping at 4 pm on Christmas eve. Cue many totally random presents. One year we (including my mum) each got a pillow. Not even a particularly nice one - think BHS cheap polyester. Another year we each got a low-energy light bulb from B&Q.

And he was king of the supermarket reduced aisle - drove my mum mad by getting home at 7 pm on Christmas Eve with, e.g., 4 half-rotten pineapples. 'But they were only 10p each!' - yes, but no-one actually wants to eat pineapple on Christmas Day...

Coco I love that he bought shampoo too....he was giddy...I think they mustve have had PCP in the mince pie samples they were handing out.

Naice dude we are both forrin...I am of mixed Spanish/Portugese/French heritage, dh is afro Indian...so kids a beautiful St Tropex mix...I am not so gorge...passable with make up (that pic was taken 10 years ago!)

Dh says you cannot polish a turd and I tell him you can roll it in glitter...kabish....booooom!

hilarious.

My DH is a bit like this.

he cannot visit a supermarket without buying dishwasher salt. "in case we are running low'

ffs

Oh I am literally aching with laughter

dh showed me there first stocking pressy in a really coquettish way...

"a jumbo calculator each and tomorrow i will show them how to write BOOBS"
My daughter is 5

Seriously this man has a rather sensible hardcore job in the city????/

You're a lovely looking family and Christmas lunch is going to be a lot of fun at your house.

Cream cheese AND creamy cheese?

Hilarious!!

cockbollocks and philly

not a sentence |I ever imagined typed to be fair....

next stocking filler a satsuma...(wow , normal)

next stocking filler a Terry's chocolate orange (I see a theme emerging)

I so wish FC was bringing calculators here!