Just had the worst job interview ever. Anyone else care to share?

[EggNogRules]

I am morto and at myself. I was in and out in 20 mins .

I am used to initiating meeting with new clients and thought I had prepared well. I was so nervous, I had to keep drinking water to stop my lips from sticking to my teeth. It was all I could think about. None of the answers I prepared were useful. I need to rewind and do over because I have better answers now (after the nick of time).

Bugger.

[YankTeeDoodleDanTee]

We're never going to hear about the potato.

It's the bits of fabric in the wedding invite all over again...

[Arithmeticulous]

I have also burst into tears at the beginning of an interview - oh the embarrassment

I have been interviewed by someone who spent the entire interview ranting about the unfairness of a recent industry takeover and how he'd rather employ people made redundant in that, than new inexperienced graduates. Like me.

I went on what I thought was a quick hour interview only to find it was a whole day, multiple interviews and presentations, lunch with senior staff jobby ... again [cringe]

[YouBrokeMySmoulder]

YankTee i think without any more specific information the take home message has to be - be wary of office that use potatoes as doorstops.

[pleasestoparguing]

This is a great thread and has had me PMSL esp the potato and the fire alarm - thank you for ceering me up - i applied for a job last week and haven'e been invited to interview I'm thinking now that I've been let off lightly!!!

[YankTeeDoodleDanTee]

I think you may be right, YouBroke.

[bialystockandbloom]

I had an interview for an editorial job at the National Trust magazine years ago straight after graduating - absolute dream job at the time. First time I'd ever worn a suit, and even put on some pearls in keeping with the organisation.

Interview panel of three, including unbelievably posh triple-barrelled guy who I think was the editor-in-chief, a HR lady bedecked in Laura Ashley, and the lovely but very genteel and ladylike editor.

I'd written some bs on my cv about how I was planning to launch a new type of magazine pretentious 21 year old twat. Obv was asked about it and I waffled on about how it was a new type of magazine aimed at a more thinking young women, going against the grain of stuff like Cosmo which was all (and I quote):

"feminism on one page, then how to give your boyfriend a blowjob on the next"

The silence must have lasted 5 minutes. Genuinely, no-one knew what to say.

God almighty that was 20 years ago and I still go hot thinking about it.

[cantfindamnnickname]

I went for a job interview as a newly qualified Solicitor working in a large legal 500 commerical firm.
I sat down and was interviewed by the partner and HR woman and almost as soon as I sat down he started arguing with everything that I said. He would ask me questions and then not like my answers and would say i was wrong.
HE then told me i should be grateful that i would be seconded to Scotland for weeks at a time - I thought id blown it by this point so told him i wouldnt be going anywhere as i had a young child.
I then managed to insult him and implied that he was really old at which point the HR woman was in hysterics.
I left the interview thinking id blown it but i got a call from the agency saying i was the best candidate that theyd ever interviewed - they wanted me to argue - i was after all going to be a lawyer in a commercial firm - they wanted to know what i was made of! Told me not to worry about Scotland I wouldnt have to go.
I declined the job preferring to accept something closer to home but it was an experience

[cantfindamnnickname]

And another interview i went for the interviewer was harassed as nobody had turned up for work and the phones were ringing and ringing. She answered 1 call and they were still ringing - I answered the other one and took a message from their most difficult client who was really arsey.

I was offered the job on the spot!

Never fallen over a potato though?

[noblegiraffe]

Oh god I am actually crying with laughter about the teacher who went on about stupid children. The rest of the thread got me warmed up though. Brilliant.

[notjustamummythankyou]

Over 20 years ago, I went for a job as office manager for a privately run museum. The interview was conducted by the owner's accountants.

It was awful.

Three suits sitting opposite me, one smoking a pipe all the way through and not a smile between them. After being quizzed about my experience, they asked me if went out during the week. Did I have a boyfriend? Did I realise that I would have to work late sometimes, and that my social life may not be able to come first?

This was the early 1990's, not the 1970s. I was absolutely dumbstruck and, as a mere youngster with less than worldly experience, I didn't know what to say and couldn't wait to leave. I was sooo disappointed, because I really wanted that job.

How times change . . . thank god. And how I'd like to go back there now that I'm older and gobbier, and leave with a cutting comment or three.

[FamiliesShareGerms]

I love this thread, especially as that garrulous eejit who impersonates me and turns up in the interview room instead of me seems to be in good company!

Dotnet, sounds like you had a lucky escape - we all know about John Prescott and his secretary...

[LongStory]

I turned up a day late to a two-day civil service assessment centre. It was in the middle of my uni finals, to be fair.... am still cringing...

[FamiliesShareGerms]

My worst experiences? One interview where I went round in circles with my answer then petered out and said "I'm sorry, that was rubbish, can I try again?"

And the one where the interviewer started with the usual questions about whether you are ok to proceed, and said "nothing you need to tell us, your cat hasn't died this morning or anything, eh?". No. But one of my former colleagues had passed away that morning... I decided not to tell him (imagining the tumbleweed that would roll through the interview room)

[neuroticmumof3]

Never mind the potato, I need an explanation about the 'perfume shop'. I'm baffled.

In the 80s I worked as a secretary and at interviews I was often asked when I was going to get married/have children, or as one put it 'you won't do anything silly like go and get married will you?'. One wanted to know if I was good at making tea, I said I was better at coffee. I didn't get the job.

[oldsilver]

Well where do we start.

The first ever job interview I went to, I go into the Head of HR's office and there are pictures of naked women all over the walls. I was 17. He then proceeded to ask me why I wanted that job cause soon I would be married and pregnant, and not even in that order I got into an argument with the interviewer as to why any of that was relevant as I was only 17 and didn't even have a boyfriend yet

Then there was the one where even though I check and double check and triple check my CV, for some reason I got my date of birth wrong and it made me 1 year old

Followed a few years later by having to interview for my own job due to company merger. So, I thought it would be a good idea to go out the night before, just for a couple, where I managed to get totally ratarsed, fell over in the local late night take-away and got taken to A&E, in an ambulance, to have my head stitched together. I got home in time to have a shower and get to work about an hour late. Full-on black eye, four stitches and I'm not completely sure I'd sobered up by this point.

Disclaimer : I have no idea what came over me, I am NEVER this irresponsible.

Two of the jobs I got.

[oldsilver]

Oh and forgot the one where I turned up and hour and half late cause I got lost. I had to ring up DP to come and rescue me in absolute tears. I couldn't phone them as the only number was an office number and they were interviewing elsewhere and there was noone in the office to answer the phone - got that one two

[oldsilver]

too that should be.

[BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte]

Not me, but a friend. One of those mass interviews where they put all 60 candidates in a room together and fire questions at them one by one. Friend was asked why, given that her degree was in Religious Studies with Theatre Studies, she was applying for work as a science editor. She told them - in front of the other 59 candidates - that 'yeah you're right I think science is really boring but my degree taught me how to pretend to have an believe in almost anything'... and out of all 60 candidates, she got the job...

[hk78]

ha yes oldsilver i had a similar nightmare. i had been out of work for a while and was forced to attend 'jobclub' lol remember that?! anyway, they very kindly offered to re-do my cv for me as it would be the answer to all my prayers, yes I soon got a phone call asking me to interview...

To gales of laughter the interviewer said 'well we had to see you hk78 as you are obviously so clever.....all these qualifications and you are only 3 weeks old" yes, the jobcentre had improved my cv no end by putting my date of birth as being that year instead of 20 years before. cheeks burning just at the memory. no, I didn't get it.

WHAT IS THE PERFUME SHOP THINGY, PLEASE, OR I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP TONIGHT?!

[babytrasher]

Many horrors to report, but still cringe at:

**Striding confidently into interview room, going for instant eye contact with guy in the centre of the table - and not seeing a low table of company brochures. Shouting "Fuck!" as I hit the floor probably did not help. No job .

**Initial interview with a US Govt agency across a secure video link (don;t worry, nothing spooky!!). After staring at a blank screen for 15 minutes while a technician frantically prodded buttons, I expressed the opinion that this particular organisation was made up entirely of self-abusers who would not be able to lay on an orgy in a brothel. Whereupon a disembodied voice announced, "Ma'am, the video may be fritz-ed, but the audio works just fine!". No job .

**(This happened to brother) Walked into interview; whereupon panel member leapt to her feet and shouted, "You! What are you doing here? Have you no shame?" (or some such), then stormed out. He swears he had never seen her before ... No job for him either .

[NewRowSees]

OK, how about this:

I went into a final interview feeling pretty confident - I was pretty much over-qualified and had got on really well with all the people I met in the early stages. So when the MD asked me 'so you're a bit of a Trekky then?' I was happy to prattle on about the relative merits of The Next Generation and Deep Space Nine for a few minutes.

I realised as I went on that he'd actually asked me if I was much of a techie, which would make much more sense in the context! I didn't hear anything for the rest of the interview, and backed out of the room beetroot red. Never heard back from them, and I was glad of it too!

[brimfullofasha]

I once got asked in an interview for a Christmas job in a shop 'if you were a piece of furniture what would you be and why?' I think I said 'a table' - I can't remember why!

I interviewed a candidate recently for a support worker type job and he said he couldn't give any examples of his previous work as he didn't want to break confidentiality. He meant well but it was pretty hard to assess his experience!

[chunkythighs]

As a teenager I was working in a shop for a pair of knobs. I HATED this couple but couldn't afford to leave unless I had another one lined up. I landed an interview and asked one of the bosses if I could attend a 'doctors appointment'.

So off I trot to the interview, all was going well......right up to the point where mr knob walked into the interview and sat beside the interviewer. faced with a situation i was unable to bullshit my way out of, I started to laugh- and couldn't stop. To the point that mr knob got annoyed and left the room. When the interview finished, I grabbed a swift vodka and went back to my old job as if nothing happened.

Funny enough he never asked me about it and i never brought it up either. I worked for them for another few months before I got another job. I would chew my arm off before I would work for a family run business again.

[WeezyPeezy]

Oh MsFanackerPants I cannot stop laughing!!!!!!

[sleepneeded]

My one - I got asked to speak about my current work arrangements and another office that I had done work with - and so without outing myself let me just say that due to nerves instead of saying

"as well as working with the London office I work with the Nairobi office"

except it should not have been Nairobi - I should have said

"as well as working with the London office I work with the Nebraska office".

Total nightmare and I kept repeating the error and the person who was interviewing knew where I worked and knew the geographical locations and just thought I was a nutter as even when he tried to correct me and say don't you mean Nebraska not Nairobi I kept going on about Nairobi and the challenges of Nairobi....there was and never has been a Nairobi office.

I didn't even get the cities and continents correct.

I can laugh about it now but I didn't get the job!!! Such a funny thread.