Just had the worst job interview ever. Anyone else care to share?

[EggNogRules]

I am morto and at myself. I was in and out in 20 mins .

I am used to initiating meeting with new clients and thought I had prepared well. I was so nervous, I had to keep drinking water to stop my lips from sticking to my teeth. It was all I could think about. None of the answers I prepared were useful. I need to rewind and do over because I have better answers now (after the nick of time).

Bugger.

The speaker was actually talking to someone else in another corner. They both looked so different but for the short height and bold head. :-D

Interview in London for a research position. A large part of the role was being up to date with current affairs. This was before the days of smart phones/twitter and facebook btw.

I spent hours travelling up on train and when I arrived I was greeted by the director who would be interviewing me. He informed me my interview would be delayed and he was surprised I had still attended what with all the events taking place. Literally no idea what he was talking about...

Spent some time watching everyone panicking buzzing around on pcs and phones, staring out of windows at the nearby government buildings and generally being twitchy.

Still no idea...

I then had to convince them I was up to speed on current affairs despite having no fucking idea that the Twin Towers had gone down. I was told part way through the interview.

Blatently marking my place till I'm ready to confess about my interview.

Just rememebered one at a very smart private security company. Bloke interviewed me but really just wanted to tell me all about himself and how fab he was, and how the ladies threw themselves at him. he was not in anyway an adonis so I could feel myself starting to laugh inside but clearly he felt he could give George clooney a run for his money. He was awful, even telling me he would not sleep with the staff, so I if i had interviewed expecting that, I would be disappointed.. Just clamped my mouth shut. I was shaking with laughter and he didn't notice. He offered me the job as I was so understanding of his situation. I hardly spoke throughout the interview:)

Fake, where was there a potato on the floor?

Form the other side, DH once interviewed a woman who had "National karate champion" written on their CV under hobbies.

What a coincidence! DH is a 2nd Dan black belt and despite a heavy workload still managed to train 2 or 3 times a week this was before DS arrived

So he cheerfully asked her if she still does it. She proudly replied that she can't because of work commitments and how no-one could possibly juggle both. DH is polite but saying he went last night.

Poor woman must have realised it was going to go wrong and he eventually discovered that she'd won a kata competition when she was 12 and hadn't done anymore in over 15 years! Yet still put it down as a hobby

It got worse because she'd blagged her CV to make her role in her previous company sound better than it was...and unfortunately for her, DH knows exactly how the promotions pyramid works in that company because I work there! She did admit that she'd exagerated her CV slightly.

DH was very for her and tried to be as nice as possible, it was just her bad luck to be interviewed by him and not someone else who hadn't a scooby about karate or her previous company...

I once told an interviewer I'd had an STI .

It was years ago and due to my tendency to take things literally (think I'm on the autistic spectrum). I'd had the interview, for a job as a nursing auxiliary, and it'd gone really well - the panel said I was the first person they'd interviewed all day who'd actually understood what the job involved. After the interview my prospective new boss took me back out into the waiting room, asked me to fill out an occupational health form and stood there whilst I did it. The form asked had I ever had to visit a hospital and technically the answer was yes, because whilst I'd never had any operations or anything I'd gone to the GU clinic a few months before, but I knew it might mean had I ever stayed in hospital.

I could kick myself now for being so stupid, I should of course have just put no, but instead I said to this woman that I'd been to the GU clinic and should I put that down? Her answer? 'No. We've all been there, love'. She said it without thinking, I think, and then we were both completely embarrassed and unable to look each other in the eye. I couldn't get out there fast enough and, it goes without saying, didn't get the job.

That's the worst interview I've had, but some others have been not much better (including one out in the middle of nowhere where I left my purse on the bus and had to borrow money off the interviewer to get home).

omg!!! lol at borrowing money from the interviewer to get home!!

One from the other side of the desk here as a pp said. My brother interviewed a woman and she was really well qualified but a bit of a sheldon cooper. she said to him 'your glasses are awful'. He hired her and got new glasses.

Go on Myne I'm curious now

I was once interviewed by a man who had read up on weird interview techniques and asked me to tell him a joke. Honestly my mind went blank and I couldn't remember a single clean joke! I goldfished at him for a minute before confessing that the only joke I could think of was unbelievably rude, he made me tell him anyway, laughed for ages at it and told me I would fit in perfectly! Got the job

As a new graduate, I attended my first interview for a software development position. So there I am, sitting in front of two senior tech guys. Typical graduate interview ensues - until guy no. 1 asks what had attracted me to software development in the first place.

I tried to explain, only to be interrupted by him: "But you're a woman!"

Obviously, I didn't get the job - but his behaviour did briefly make me consider why indeed I'd want to work in an industry, where such people might be the norm (which, luckily for me, they aren't).

Didn't even make it to the interview stage - I once made an appointment to meet a Recruitment Consultant at a small regional Agency to discuss senior management roles. I arrived, was made to wait for 20 minutes before some spotty herbert (fresh out of school) then apologised that the person I had agreed to meet with couldn't see me for another half an hour "because she wasn't back from lunch yet" but that I needed to complete the typing and computer tests first anyway.

I pointed out that I had over 20 years business experience and had just left a well paid position (ironically in a recruitment role) with a Global Consultancy firm. I mentioned that I wasn't interested in "temp work" or anything that required me to have a WPM score, but I was asked to do the tests anyway. I was so furious I left.

stack that is

I have had the full-on dry mouth, shaking hands, blank mind, impossible nightmare interview for a job I really really wanted. I have not forgiven myself for saying, when they asked what I was reading at the moment, 'Ummm..... Ummmmmm....' and literally not being able to even make something up. Like I could not read. When actually I was reading Scott's letters from the Pole and his son founded the organisation I was applying at and it was a total total gift of a question.

My friend was interviewing someone whose tooth fell out and into a glass of water.

I had a job interview at a PR agency. I was then employed as a book publicist and was at the Edinburgh Book Festival looking after authors. I updated my press cuttings file on the floor of the B&B I was staying at, then flew straight down to London for the job interview. The plane was late so I was 2 hours late for the interview. I then chatted animatedly about how good I was and then opened my press cuttings file to see a bloody great GINGER PUBE on the page.

I didn't get the job.

I have brown hair BTW. so it wasn't even mine.

I once went to an interview where the owner of the company asked me my star sign...

I said I was a Leo.
So, you're a bit of a tigress are you?
No, I was just born in August.
But I bet you've got claws haven't you. Grrrrrr!

The rest of the interview was in similar vein. At the end, he asked if I has any questions. I said that I hadn't, but that I was very grateful for the interview as it helped to remind me what a company I would never want to work for in a million years looked like. The owner then said he was sorry I didn't want to work for them, but did I fancy a drink sometime!

It was not a UK company.

Worst I did here was to whack myself in the face bending down to fix my tights while putting heels on. By the time I got to the interview 2 hours later I had a fabulous black eye.

Couldn't decide whether to hit the cover-up or try and do eyeshadow to match on the otherside. Also couldn't decide whether to tell them and demonstrate major lack of coordination or stay silent and let them assume I was a victim of assault. I didn't get the job!

Tricky job interview after 2nd child. SQUEEZED into 'best interview dress'. Could walk (just) without being too uncomfy. Then the interviewer showed me to the interview sofa. SOFA! No hiding my too-short-too-tight dress behind a desk in a proper chair. Tough to come across as casual and hip whilst looking like an overstuffed powder blue sausage (that hadn't slept for 8 months straight)!

Could have been worse - with nightmare periods and a light blue dress - but luckily the super plus extra plus maxi-maxness pad held out. Still, was majorly distracted throughout. Soaking through would have made a better story though....

When I was just 21 an agency sent me to interview for a job as a word processing operator (typing pool by any other name). Without consulting me the agency changed my CV to add

"I've always wanted to be a typist in fact its my dream job"

When asked why this role was my dream job I said "well its not but I know I can do the job and I quite enjoy typing"

I didn't get the job or use that agency again

I had an accident the day before an interview. I'd fainted at work and smacked my head on a wooden ledge, leading to stitches in the middle of my forhead - between my eyebrows - and two very fetching black eyes.

I went to the interview intent on letting them know what had happened, but totally forgot through nerves. Right at the end I remember, realised why they were looking at me curiously and blurted out 'I wasn't in a fight honest'.

Should I add the stitches were proper black ones, I looked amazing.

I once had an early interview & having had no sleep at all due to my cat taking seriously ill in the night & needing a vet hospital dash, so I was in no fit state for an interview, but wanted th job so went anyway.

I made a complete pigs ear of answering questions, mixed up words, mind went blank & even accidentally swore - in the end I stopped the interview & said I am really sorry, I wont waste any more of your time, as I know I am making a complete mess of this, I've had no sleep at all as my Cat had to be rushed into hospital in the middle of the night - turned out I was being interviewed by mad cat woman with 12 cats - I got the job

I've never had an interview that's gone atrociously wrong, I've had the dry mouth, mind going blank experience though and I blush like mad when I'm stressed so I've spent many an interview resembling a sweaty beetroot.

However I do have a job hunting related experience that makes my toes curl when I think about it. When my son was 18 months I decided to start looking for a job, I sent out my CV and covering letter in response to loads of adverts, and speculatively to a few organisations I would have loved to work with. I was a bit miffed not to even get an acknowledgement from any of them. This went on for a while, so I decided I'd have another look at my CV and see if there was anything I could do to make it stand out. It was then that I spotted it.

The very first bullet point "Excellent attention to ditail."

I'm self employed now.

Back in the mid-80's I lived in the North but was applying for an accountancy job in London - the agency decided that it would be a good idea to send me to FIVE interviews in the one day to maximise their chance of a fee my chance of getting a job. I was only 19 and the job situ in the North was shite at the time so I knew no better and said yes.

First interview was for a firm who had lots of showbizzy clients. All the receptionists looked like they'd fallen out of a nightclub (I was in my suit and sensible shoes feeling well dowdy) and the bloke who interviewed me did nothing but name-drop - asked me precisely one question about accountancy the whole interview.

Second interview was a small firm on London Bridge. I was interviewed by a senior partner who bore a disturbing resemblance to Gollum in pince-nez, who began the interview by scanning my cv with the air of a man looking at a cat crapping in his hat and saying "Oh! You have very good qualifications for someone who went to a comprehensive school..." He started talking terms and conditions (I had already decided there was no way on God's earth I wanted the job) and said there were 15 days holiday a year. I must have looked aghast, as he asked me how many I currently had. I said 20, he sniggered and said 'Oh, we have been spoilt, haven't we?'

Third interview with another small firm in offices next to David Bowie's telephone box off Regent Street (I was more excited about that, tbh). The interviewer asked all the usual questions then leaned forward earnestly. "Why do you want to leave your home and family and move to London? Are there any problems in your life?" I asked him why he thought that was relevant and he gave me a lot of bluster about being a family firm who cared about their employees' welfare and if his daughter had wanted to leave home at such a tender age and move so far away he would find it most distressing...

Fourth interview was for a medium sized firm in Covent Garden, the bloke made no eye contact but interviewed my boobs, then asked if I was seeing anyone at the end of the interview!

By this time, thinking all Londoners were slightly crazy, I went to the last interview, which was for the job I wanted, and was seen by a scary HR lady who pre-interviewed me and then took me to the bloke I'd be working for - he was about 3 years older than me and had a Burne-Jones print in his office - cue half an hour's chat about the Pre-Raphaelites and Medieval poetry whilst the HR lady got more and more visibly pissed off and tried to steer the convo back to questions about balance sheets...

I was offered all five jobs!