What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

[LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake]

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house?

these, but even pointier

[Mrsjay]

woman I trained with sent her child to the local rough school as she said ' I really want her to be socially aware' If it wasn't so funny Id have been [shocked]

[BarbecuedBillygoats]

Smegs- the hoste?

I hear them so often in my town I don't even register them anymore. Awful snobbery here.

[TheDuchessOfEarl]

"Oh look Mummy - Jackson Pollock"
"Oh Mummy - pleeeeease can we go for sushi?"
Both from my then 6yo Dd.

[bunnybing]

Overheard in a supermarket aisle on passing fimbles/Thomas the Tank Engine spaghetti hoops :

Little girl to mother: 'Can we have on of those tins?'
mother 'No darling, they're not nice.'
Little girl 'But they look nice. And i think they would taste nice'
Mother 'Yes, but they're trying to trick us into buying them by putting pictures on them - but we're cleverer than that. And we're not going to be tricked.'

and yes I had just bought a tin..

[Mrsjay]

Cue me looking round to make sure no one heard>

everybody heard

[LonelyLinda]

An acquaintance: "The Hockney exhibition was like hacking out in a meadow on a spring morning"

I have never heard such pretentious shit it my entire life!

[SoniaGluck]

I'm not sure if this will count as it was said tongue in cheek but anyway... Just after finishing A levels and before university my brother was sitting at the kitchen table reading my mum's newspaper and sighing theatrically. Mum asked him what the problem was and he said " There just aren't any jobs for me in here. I need to look in The Times."

So Mum asked him what sort of job he was looking for. "Oh" he replied airily.
" Live in raconteur and wit."

We howled.

[hairyqueenofscots]

posh friends staying at my house, calling her children into my kitchen, "look darlings white bread!!!"

[grendel]

Said in a contemplative tone by very posh (heir to some German brewing empire), very elegant model girlfriend of a brother of a housemate while we were having dinner: "You know, food really does taste better when eaten off silver."
This phrase is often repeated by DH and I when faced with similar pretentiousness.

Another great comment was made by a colleague of mine years ago, (who had clearly come down in the world): "Oh yes, it's just like when we used to go hunting on the estanca in Uruguay!"

[Wallace]

[Conkers32]

Doesn't quite count as I heard it on the radio, but Fearne Cotton (I know, I know...) was talking about a singer who draws his answers to questions when being interviewed...

Honestly, I did such a massive fucking eye roll, I'm surprised I didn't crash the car.

[blisterpack]

bunnybing I don't see what's wrong with what the woman said. It is hard to look around at what everyone else has in their trolleys and answer accordingly.

Loving these by the way! Great thread.

[poppy283]

My dsis has a boyfriend who is a bit well off, private school, range rover etc, and is terribly impressed by that sort of thing.

They'd been going out a while and she told me she'd started subscribing to both Country Living and Country Life magazine (she lives in the suburbs with our parents). I asked her why and she said, "to prepare me!"

Dear lord.

[LemonMousse]

My best friend once complained to me that she wasn't looking forward to visiting her husband's Aunt for Boxing Day dinner because "She always does roast pork and it's such a cheap cut of meat."

It's not her fault she grew up with 'posh' parents

[Shellywelly1973]

I was returning a jacket at a standard high street shop but in a posh part of London,when i gave the shop assistant postcode,she replied, 'Oh dear, never mind!' ?!!!

[Anna1976]

Doozy of a charity committee I once sat on where the poor sod paid by the charity hadn't been paid in months and was rightly complaining bitterly about his house being on the brink of repossession... the chair, Lord Someone, said "why are you washing your dirty linen in public about not being able to pay your debts? Doesn't your housekeeper have a budget? Or does your wife not know how to manage staff?"

[PimpMyHippo]

When I was 7ish I had the little girl from up the road over to play at my house. Think she was either same age or year younger. We had a dog.

Little girl to my mum "I'm not very partial to dogs"

WTF little girl would say that particular phrase?!

That actually could have been me... I'm sure I said very similar things at that age. When I was six a teacher remarked on my height and I replied "Yes, I'm tall and golden like the wheat" (in my defence, this was based on a line from The Little Red Hen, I didn't just come up with it off the top of my head...)

I heard some corkers when I worked at a livery yard - the stereotype of wealthy horsey people is often false, but occasionally it's dead on. Lots of children inviting each other over for pool parties and comparing school fees, and "Oh good, the towbar's still on the Landy from when we last took the boat out so I'll be able to take the horsebox..."

[carabos]

DD of posh client of DH to her DM - "gosh mummy it so hot, I'm really glad you chose air conditioning in your new range rover. How do people manage who don't have it in their cars?"

Former colleague (brought up in a council house) "We're going skiing at Christmas because DS (age 5) and DD (3) really need to be skiing now otherwise they're not going to have any nice friends at nursery".

DS1 to his DGM's NDN when she showed an interest in his toys -"it's not a monster it's a triceratops .

[yellowdomino]

I was once on a bus going through Chelsea and overheard two old boys cracking jokes in latin

[Whatsounddoesagiraffemake]

In a pizza restaurant I once squawked at DD (2) in my best home counties accent 'Oh for goodness sake, you've got tapenade on your trousers'.

[EchoAlone]

"oh, I so envy you, since you have not read 'War and Peace' yet. I wish I still had that experience in my future"

[Anna1976]

"oh FFS i hate having dreams about quadratic equations"

[Themilkybarisonme]

My uncle (as a tot) to my grandma, "look at all those funny, joined together houses!"
Yup, terraces. Probably not the best remark to make on a bus in Oldham in the 60s