What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

[LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake]

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house?

these, but even pointier

[FreakySnuckerCupidStunt]

I don't have one myself, but a friend of mine who went on holiday to the Isle of Wight heard this humdinger from a bratty posh girl, 'Mother, if you think I'm getting on a bus you've got another thing coming!'

[Mrsjay]

help yourself to the artisanal slippers'.

that is very funny I would have had to leave saying that i dont know anybody that has artisANAL slippers

I once read on here that jewellery was best if it was bespoke which did tickle me,

but i really don't know anybpdy THAT pretentious

[Pickles77]

My mum overheard on a train from Manchester to London twenty years ago from a teenager: 'Oh no Mummy I shall not be going to University up thhhere. Mummy can you believe it they eat fried potato saaaandwhiches'

That one gets mentioned quite a lot on fish and chip nights

[Mrsjay]

Oh I have 1
My little boy knows who to mix with it is if he knows the better children, he was 4

[YouMakeMeWannaLaLa]

"I can't believe I'm dating someone who doesn't have a degree".

A good friend, but muchos pinches of salt needed!

[Mrsjay]

OH very middle class friend about 15 yrs ago, we were in the pub talking labour and politics and then got onto strikes I said my dad was on strike for a year it was tough on us all, friend said oh yeah I do understand he went onto say my mum is a teacher she was on strike and we had to pull out of school for a term . Piss of pally i was eating out of hampers from poland I win

[Mrsjay]

OH oh I was working at a youthclub on a saturday afternoon and there was a children's French class going on in another room , I heard screams and shouting and this mum marching her toddler out the door , saying Marcus this will not do we will discuss it in the car

[GreenyEyes]

When pondering what to wear on a night out down the local dive she would announce 'I think I shall wear my blue silk'.

Made me snort was your friend in Little Women?

[HalloweenNameChange]

NotInMyDay

it bloody is liquid gold if you are struggling. I've cried my eyes out before when I lost the ounce or so after pumping for an hour. Wouldn't call it pretension.

Most pathetic attempt I have seen at pretension was at high end food/kitchenware store in the mall (in the states) woman points to a decanter on the wall... My friend has one of those, everyone did.. in FRANCE..

Honestly you had to be there..but she practically verbally italicized France..

[Mrsjay]

this is from my friend who works in a nursery , she said to little kid are you ok dear , yes mrs X I was just so very worried for mummy the cleaner is ill and MY ensuite is needing a good scrub


I am on a roll

[Alisvolatpropiis]

Does it have to be people you've met in real life? I just heard Michel Roux say "I love the ingredient profile, the highs and lows of taste". I know he's an amazing chef but...

[slambang]

When comparing new born babies and sleeplessness with friend of friend (who actually does live in a castle)...

Me: I'm so tired, ds is waking every 2 hours at night.
Friend of friend: Oh, yah. I really hope Peregrine starts sleeping through soon. I'm quite worried - the poor nanny is looking absolutely exhausted!

(And yes, his name really honestly is Peregrine.)

[Mrsjay]

Dont even get me started on chefs and their lingo

[Alisvolatpropiis]

A rather posh bloke at univserity once said to me "Oh, you lower middle class girls always have such lovely manners". He soon changed his mind.

[LizzieVereker]

Not really pretentious but very showy offy: a now ex colleague, very ambitious totally up her own backside during her leaving speech said "well I suppose I'd better thank a couple of people. Because you don't get to be THIS good without a bit of help." And then didn't thank anyone, just sat down again.

[bialystockandbloom]

My brother, aged about 14, after talking on and on and on at my mum (as was his wont), finally twigged that the conversation wasn't really a two-way thing, and said to her "ah I shall stop now, I see you're not in the mood for such light-hearted persiflage"

[Mrsjay]

My boss said actually these new council houses are really lovely I was in 1 today and they kept their gardens immaculate , this is from somebody who bought an ex council house

[Mrsjay]

MRs DV the things you do for giggles

[bialystockandbloom]

3b1g sorry but I did laugh at your post - in recognition I must add, my ds has asd too

[Crikeyblimey]

In a "rather lovely" pub /inn we go to when feeling flush, I overheard the "tearbly" posh owner talking to two delightful older ladies about their next days fishing (yes the place has a river and organises fishing) "so ladies, I'm thinking no waders but a little bit of welly work". The women we really posh and lovely but he was just a prat.

[Annunziata]

'Ooooh, how rustic! Charming, isn't it?' from a Glasgow Uni Accent-ed lot.

Naw, hen, it's a bowl of pasta, and it's actually peasant food.

[awaywego1]

When saying to my friend recently that I really wanted to save up for a holiday next year she said "oh yes, me too, Its crap isnt it, i mean I've only been to my parents place in France and the two retreats in India in the last year" I started twitching.

[uggmum]

I felt like a twat the other day. Someone asked me what I like to drink and I replied that I only drank cocktails and champagne.
It sounded really wankie.
I actually only drink at celebrations/events and they are my favourites.
It still sounds wankie now!