What's the most pretentious thing you've ever heard someone say? (lighthearted)

[LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake]

I went round someone's house and they were a shoe less house (no problem) but she airily pointed to a basket of slippers (felted, pointy, bright red, embroidered Tibetanny type like they have in the Toast catalogue) and said 'help yourself to the artisanal slippers'. There were dozens of pairs.

FUCK OFF - why would I want to sit around and look like an elf at your house?

these, but even pointier

They sound hilarious fridgepants! :o

I went for dinner at my best friend's house when we were pre-teen-ish. She had made butternut, and I announced loudly that I didn't eat butternut because it's uncivilised! No idea where that came from but once poor BF's mum got over the initial insult to her cooking, they mocked me about it mercilessly for years!

Was more the tone an delivery. husband had taken me to a very small intimate restaurant for a romantic meal. it was lovely, big roaring fire and only one other table occupied. Some woman just kept braying about her time in KEEEEENYA! it was KEEEENYA this and KEEEEEENYA that. Had to look twice as I thought it sounded like Patsy out of Abfab.

My brother in law is so insecure, he will come out with pretentious shit all the time. We will be at dinner and he come out with Gems like :

I was laying in bed this morning, thinking with all my properties ( a place in Surrey, a place in Portugal, and a holiday place in Cornwall) I now own SEVENTEEN toilets .
As DH said later, you can only use one for your mouth, and one for your arse.

Yes, you may own three places, but they are all as bland as hell, and you still join the easyjet scrum like everyone else, because you're too tight to fly BA.

At least she said 'artisanal' right. I have twice in 24 hours had to listen to my mother talking about 'artisians.'

Some of these are truly hilarious, but honestly some of them....hmmm. If you get think you will be judged for being pretentious just because your children eats croissants and like olives then you must have led very, very sheltered lives indeed. Forrin food isn't new you know. It's been around in the IUK for oooh, about 40 years now.

My stepdad is very pretentious, he has one of those big Gucci belts with a massive G as the buckle, the same as Del Boy had when they finally became millionaires!

Have howled laughing at these!
I recently met up with an old school friend, who has always been a bit fruity somehow. Anyway she revealed that she makes her 3 year old call her "mama" rather than plain old mummy ("and never just mum") as "it's more European and we love our French holidays."
J'ai un bit de vomit dans ma bouche...

My DS, 12, has always called me Mama even though its something we've never taught him (always Mum in our families). Sometimes I do think it sounds a bit weird but LOVE being the Mama!

Kiwigirl - same here, my son has called me mama since a baby. No idea why, his older brother never did. Love it too but he's reverted to mum now he is older. I miss him shouting mama!

I can only remember my own pretentious comments. When I was in my late teens I cut down my hours at work and went to art college part-time to study A level art and history of art. I told the art teacher I did not want to sit the actual exam as I did not want someone putting a grade on my work ![embarrassed] I think I was just scared of failing!
It just sounds so pretentious and I cringe now and needless to say really regret not sitting the exam. It did improve my art though so was definitely worth doing. I would just love to be able to say I have A level Art now I am older.
Still pretentious

I think assuming that everyone else around you is feeding their babies chicken nuggets and greggs sausage rolls while your kids eat proper foods is pretentious. Olives croissants, hummus, sushi it's all just food. If you feed it to your kids of course they will eat it. Children aren't some how designed to only eat nuggets.

With the risk of sounding pretentious, the plural of diplodocus is diplodocuses because it has Greek roots rather than Latin, this is also why octopus and platypus don't have an "i" form plural. The interesting case is "virus" which is the Latin word for poison - it doesn't have an "i" plural because the original usage was a non pluralisable concept.

Octopuses or Octopodes?

Ohlimpricks you might want to pass on to your bil that it is not "laying" in bed and most certainly not "toilets."

Octopodes is the highly pretentious pluralisation.

When my dd was 3 she went through quite a long phase of calling me and dh by our first names. It wasn't something we encouraged at all - she just started doing it. I think we were laughed at quite a bit for it.

Ooh just thought of another one.

My dh had some friends when we lived in London. They lived in a flat. When we went for dinner once they produced a typed wine list of all the bottles of wine they had and passed it to dh to choose one.

Nephew, aged about six, was introduced to the bishop of Oxford (his family moves in different circles to mine!). Looked bishop up and down and declared, "you can only move diagonally."

Dd's friend was teaching a drama class when one of the girls came in with a bandage on her finger. She said oh dear what have you done, her answer, my pony bit my finger.

Overheard in a Winchester cafe:

Little boy of about 7yo: "what are we doing this weekend mummy?"
Vair posh Mum: "we're going to stay at Justin's house in London darling...Oh don't look so sad you love Justin's house - he has such lovely furniture! And daddy is flying in from Zurich!"

My mate turned to me and said "I have no idea why you think Winchester is posh"