I think the worst wedding for me was the one where it was a disaster from beginning to end. I don't think that it helped that the guests were crammed in, and it was the hottest day of the year.
The wedding was held in a very small village, with limited parking in the village. Needless to say, I couldn't get a parking space and then was running late and had to frogmarch my 3 year old and 6 month old to the church. Both my girls had recently been ill, and DD2 was recovering from the chicken pox, so she was particularly hot, tired, and grumpy. I should have known from that, it wasn't going to be a good day.
Firstly, they had a lot of people in a very small church, on a very hot day - so we were all cramped in. During the service, my DD1 decided she absolutely needed the loo, but it was an outside loo and was absolutely disgusting. The loo had excrement smeared over the seat and there was urine on the floor, so I wouldn't let my DD sit on the loo. Instead, I held her over the seat and she proceeded to piss all over my leg.
Then, after the church service, we then had to do the obligatory march up to somewhere pretty to have the photos taken. As my DH was involved in the wedding, I had to look after the girls by myself and so had to push the pram and ensure my eldest didn't go running off (narrow pavement, lots of people and a busy main A road with lots of lorries). Then when we got to the park, there was no way I could get the pram in, so I had to collapse the pram all by myself, whilst holding the baby, to get it through the gate and then put the pram back up the other side, simultaneously ensuring that my over excited 3 year old didn't go running off. Not one person offered any help during this process. We then had to hang around for ages in the blazing sun, little shade and no refreshments for the photos to be taken. At one point, my FIL took it upon himself to take my eldest DD off to feed the ducks (out of sight and away from where we were standing, and certainly beyond the area that I had said she was allowed to play in), but didn't have the decency to let either me or my DH know... so I was running around (carrying the baby) looking for my eldest DD, thinking she might have drowned in the lake. Neither I nor my DH knew where she was and I was panicking like mad - to which MIL just said, she had told FIL to take DD1 to the lakes, but neither thought to tell DH or myself. I was fuming at this point. How I bit my tongue I do not know. After that we moved on to the reception.
The reception was just a village hall, but it was a really hot day and it had no windows at all and there was no real outdoor space to speak of (well, a patch of unkept grass with broken glass in it at the back of the venue - so not at all suitable for the dozens of children that were there). Furthermore, the venue was blatantly too small for the number of people they had invited and so we were packed into the hall like sardines.
At the reception they didn't provide any drinks, just a voucher - but again I was sat on my own with my children (pretty much on the opposite side of the hall from my DH) and because there were too many people for the venue, I was pretty much 'locked' in to my seat, There was a drinks bar, but as there was only one bar for over 100 guests, it pretty much had a queue of at least 20 people the whole time, so I couldn't just leave my baby and child to go and get a drink... but as I had been sat a couple of tables in from the side, I couldn't take them with me without getting everyone else up. I didn't really know the people I was sat with and as no-one offered to get me a drink, I sat there sweltering on a really hot day, in a stuffy room without a drink for over 5 hours by the time I got one. (and I was still breastfeeding at this point in time).
The food was then a buffet, and tables were called up one at a time. By the time it came to our table, there was hardly any food left apart from two giant fish and very ornate rice all nice foods for adults, but nothing really child friendly, so all of which my very hot, tired and hungry 3 year old refused to eat. At this point, I did seriously consider running away to McDonalds to feed her, but it was a bit too far away to get away with it. Thankfully, I managed to go through my change bag and managed to round up enough snacks to keep her going. But because it was a buffet, it was a very long drawn out process and a lot of children there (but no room) and so the children got steadily more bored and grumpy as the day progressed. Eventually, the formal bit was over and I was rejoined by my DH so it got easier, except then the band started and it was really noisy. There was nowhere for the children to play, except for one small room with a few toys in. So I took my DD in there to breastfeed and put down her for a sleep, but there were some nightmarish little children (well hot, bored, over tired with nowhere for them to run around) and with no parents nearby, one of them threw a car at my baby daughter's head.
In the evening, the band was good, but it was just too hot and so no-one danced. And because of noise issues, they insisted the ceiling windows were shut, so everyone just sweltered in the heat. My DD1 who by now was very hot, tired and hungry really started playing up and I stripped DD2 down to her nappy, but she was really over heating and was really screaming. I took her out to calm her down, and when I returned, I found the evening buffet had opened and my SIL had taken it upon herself to give my DD1 a plate of food - but she gave my vegetarian daughter non vegetarian food. It was full of foods she was not allowed to have. Normally, I might have turned a blind eye (except for the gelatine, and rennet etc which I never let her have) but as the only food she had she had eaten since mid morning was crappy snacks, I took it away and tried to replace it with something a bit more substantial, at which point DD1 proceeded to throw a tantrum.
Eventually, we had stayed long enough to be able to escape - but at this point, my DH couldn't find a carrier bag that had his spare clothes, car keys / wallet / phone etc. MIL said she had put it in the kitchen somewhere (but couldn't remember where). So we pulled the kitchen apart, trying to find it. By this time the caterers had long since left and we couldn't contact them so we then had to go through all the bins and all the leftover food to see if the bag had been accidentally thrown away. Being a very hot day, all the fish from the food was now stinking to high heaven and we had to go through every single bin bag and through all the wet, left over food. I honestly thought I was going to throw up with the smell. It was horrendous. I don't think I have ever been so glad to leave a wedding before in my life. Surely I must win with this one?? 
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