Tell us about your worst wedding experiences?

[ENormaSnob]

Inspired by diamondsonthesoleofhershoes thread in aibu.

The worst wedding I have ever attended was an attempt at a big traditional wedding done on a tiny budget. Freezing cold room, luke warm daytime buffet with 2 choices served on paper plates that bent when the food hit them, no drinks at all, not even a toast after the speeches. There was a pay bar which is fine with me but not even one glass of wine with the meal seems mean. The night buffet was worse than the daytime one, a few plates of dry sarnies and 2 plates of mummified chicken. No pudding of any description throughout the whole day I was cold and hungry all day. The bride had told me before hand that most of their budget had gone on outfits for the wedding party and the cars. Cars which no one saw anyway On a positive note, the drinks weren't extortionate like they are in some places.

I am not a fussy cow btw, my ideal wedding as a guest would be a village hall type of affair with everyone bringing a plate and a bottle.

Blimey, how far have the guests got to come, Apocalypse? It's ok if most people are local, but if people have got to get there with no car from outside Wales they may as well being having the wedding on the moon.

LeQueen, I kept nudging DH during our wedding reception and saying "Don't get too drunk" :)

Somehow we were not TOO drunk in spite of seemingly drinking rather a lot.

Marysbeard my lovely SIL says that after our wedding, I drifted off up the huge staircase in the hotel, carrying my shoes in my hand and looking tired and happy. DH then followed, bouncing off every wall on the way and she did wonder if she should make sure he made it back to the room

Two bottles of whiskey?

Seriously - I didn't think that was possible!

Well we're in Cumbria......oh and forgot to mention that mine and my sisters kids all have severe autism (4 between us) all those lovely lakes and sheer drops for us to police, how relaxing !

Plus how much will all the kit cost ?? I'm up for camping tbh but it seems very I'll thought out.

We'll be able to get down there ( we're non drivers as isn't safe because kids can be violent, when our mum died we clubbed together to buy a 9 seater with some money she left us, we use it for trips out etc which our bil drives, I really must upload some pics of 'mavis') but I can think of 6 ageing family members with no means of transport !

Ok was going to post my worst wedding experience. But having read some of these, it feels strangely inadequate (even though the bride's Gran committed suicide during the ceremony )

On the subject of Mavis, no way will camping gear for 9 of us fit in there >

Apocalypse camping is only cheap if you buy a tent then use it loads of times, if you wouldn't buy a tent otherwise and it'll just be a once off use, then maybe look into contacting a glamping company near the venue and see if they'll set you us a nice yurt or tipi on the site for the wedding? mightened actually be much more than buying a new tent and would be much more civilised!

Apocalypse, maybe look for a tent-hire place - some of them will even go and put your tent up for you and take it down later? I haven't actually used any of them, but a quick google suggests there's a few out there!

LeQ - I'm seeing a pattern with your DH and weddings here - has he ever been to one and NOT got copiously drunk, ending up throwing up everywhere?

Is it wrong that I want to hear about the suicide gran?

It's amazing that you ever take your DH to a wedding, LeQ. If DP behaved like that, I'd leave him at home.

I do know one person whose bride eloped with the best man the night before their very posh wedding which everyone had flown halfway around the world to attend. They'd been having an affair for some time apparently, and she didn't have the guts to call off the wedding, so just panicked the night before and fled.

My worst wasn't nearly as bad as some of the stories, but still had its moments.

Firstly the reception venue was a 40 minute drive from the church. Bearing in mind people had already driven a long way to be at the church on the day, everyone turned up at the reception (some having gotten lost) saying 'what were they thinking?'

Then the best man's speech - my god. I've never heard something so dull in all my life. He stood up with an actual ring binder of notes and said how his wife had told him not to talk for more than 20 minutes, and that he had timed it to that. It definitely lasted much, much longer than 20 minutes. I think after 20 minutes there looked like there were still 20 pages of A4 paper left in his folder. It was so boring but for the first ten minutes people were laughing politely. After that there was just deathly silence in a room of 150 people after every 'joke' other than two of his friends sitting near the groom who laughed. It was painfully obvious that no one found it funny and that everyone wanted him to shut up (lots of people ended up just playing with their phones), but he kept on right till the end. He finished with a really crude joke at the bride's expense which was really as she is lovely and I know would have been mortified by it. The whole speech has gone down as legend in my family.

The rest of the wedding was lovely, luckily.

Aw thanks, guys!

Suicide Gran was banned from the ceremony owing to a family row. She hanged herself - not at the ceremony, thank God, but during it so that the news reached the bride, groom etc while they were having pre-meal drinkie poos. Half the wedding party peeled off to examine the scene of the demise, but returned later to drown their sorrows. The bride's father (Suicide Gran's son) got really drunk, danced into me and told me to 'fuck off out of the way' (I was about 12), then the little brooch thing I had on my jacket got nicked from the cloakroom. That was a classy do.

They bride and groom got divorced shortly after.

LeQueen... perhaps there's a phone ap that he can get to tactically input data into that will set of an alarm at an appropriate time for him . Fiddling about inputting data might also reduce drinking time somewhat.

Apocalypse - are you sure that there are no B&Bs nearby?

Oh hilarious idea - a drinking chart app with alarms for tactical chundering - love it!

suicide gran -

A friend of mine went to a wedding that was going really well until the father of the bride dropped dead of a heart attack in the middle of the dance floor :( - really sad thing to happen.

:o drinking chart app.

suicide gran.