to get disproportionately angry when songs do not make sense

[WTAF]

In the car today, radio on, and they start playing All Around The World by Lisa Stansfield. Instantly I felt the rage creeping up.

'Been around the world and I, I
I can't find my baby,
I don't know why, why he's gone away '

YES YOU FUCKING DO, LISA! Allow me to refer you to your own words, not 30 seconds ago, when you said (and I quote):

'We had a quarrel, and I let myself go
I said so many things, things he didn't know
And I was oh, oh so bad'

And then, and then, LISA, you go on to say

'I did too much lying, wasted too much time'

So you do know, you know exactly why he's gone away, so you should just STFU and concentrate on finding him to apologise. Not singing that bullshit trying to make us feel sorry for you, when clearly it is all YOUR FAULT.

I feel better for that. Anyone else?

"I can't stop dreaming of injured pop stars" Chris TT.

No, hang on, I like that one

Guns don't kill people, rappers do...

because guns are inanimate objects... but actually if you listen to the rest of the song, it's about the silliness of blaming music for violence

*In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown

He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man,
But you can do the job
When you're in town.*

No, no, no. Snowmen are not licensed to perform weddings, even when impersonating a vicar.

These are great!

Kidrock! That "we didn't have no Internet (so you DID have the Internet then?), but man I never will forget, the way the moonlight shined upon her hair"
SHINED??? SHONE, surely?

I think it's "Why do I find it hard to write the next line?"

That was to Perriwinkle btw.

Not so much for being contradictory - more for being complete and utter garbage. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, may I present the lyrics to Duran Duran's - 'Rio'

"Rio"

Moving on the floor now babe you're a bird of paradise
Cherry ice cream smile I suppose it's very nice
With a step to your left and a flick to the right you catch that mirror way out west
You know you're something special and you look like you're the best

Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand
Just like that river twisting through a dusty land
And when she shines she really shows you all she can
Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grande

I've seen you on the beach and I've seen you on TV
Two of a billion stars it means so much to me
Like a birthday or a pretty view
But then I'm sure that you know it's just for you

Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand
Just like that river twisting through a dusty land
And when she shines she really shows you all she can
Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grande

Hey now woo look at that did she nearly run you down
At the end of the drive the lawmen arrive
You make me feel alive, alive alive
I'll take my chance cause luck is on my side or something
I know what you're thinking I tell you something I know what you're thinking

Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand
Just like that river twists across a dusty land
And when she shines she really shows you all she can
Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grand
Her name is Rio she don't need to understand
And I might find her if I'm looking like I can
Oh Rio, Rio hear them shout across the land
From mountains in the north down to the Rio Grande
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

What the actual actual fuck?

Coffeemum I thank you.

(Was slightly perturbed that my comedy-genius passed by unnoticed but it takes a kindly, clever, highly intelligent lady to comment.)

'Hollaback Girl'

The first time I heard this gem I thought Gwen was coming out as a racist; singing

'I ain't no Harlem Black Girl'. I literally froze for the whole song in shock; trying to understand what the hell it was about.
Then I saw the video another time and realised it was some bonkers cheerleading term.

Imagine you were sitting in a moving car...
A scary conversation shut my eyes can't find the brake...

well Open your bloody eyes and Drive properly Gwen!

and Gwen again for the hat trick

'Circles and Triangles...' in the ballad
'Cool'

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

why? why bring geometry into a nice song hmmm?

Chasing payments, yeah that's a good one. Makes more sense!

My turn to have a go at Coldplay. If you are writing a love song, why would you include the telephone directory in it? (apparently the sight of the Yellow Pages on a bookshelf helped Chris Martin with the lyrics)

This one starts off so well:

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you

but rapidly goes downhill ...
Yeah they were all yellow

until it becomes nonsensical
Cause you were all yellow

I always feel like singing along
You wet the bed
You wet the bed last night
It was a frightful sight
The sheets were all yellow

and so on.

Can't believe The Smiths haven't had more of a mention...

"Punctured bicycle on a hillside, desolate
Will nature make a man of me yet?"

For leaving your bike halfway up a hill? I think not, boys.

And how about The Happy Monday's Step On? "you're twistin' my mellor, man" - what's a mellor when it's at home?!

On the subject of Jerusalem. Now look here, I know about Joseph of Arimathea, I have been to Glastonbury Abbey and seen his ancient holy rod.

However, I have also been to a "Last night of the Proms" party at the house in Gloucestershire where Parry composed the hymn, and Jerusalem still strikes me as a weird and problematic name-drop. So there!

Good grief, DH has just this second booted up a BBC4 documentary and the narrator has said "Jerusalem about 7 times while I typed this. Hang on, I've changed my mind, it's all true!

casparella

You're twisting my melon, man

i.e. you're messing with my head, subtext - which is easy because I'm off me tits

It's twisting my melon - melon being slang for head.

Bethshine82 -

To be fair, my older daughter just asked Father Christmas for a piece of toast on behalf of her baby sister, who I'm sure will be thrilled at receiving toast. So the song makes perfect sense to the under 3s.

Crunk means chronic+drunk (stoned and drunk)

I can't believe no one's mentioned...

They're Justified, and they're Ancient,
And they drive an ice cream van.
(just roll it from the top)
They're Justified and they're Ancient,
With still no master plan.

I think the last thing you'd be driving if you were ancient would be an ice cream van KLF. Maybe one of those things where your legs poke through and you can run along, (like on The Flintstones), but an ice cream van, really?

It really doesn't surprise me that you have 'no master plan' either, unless your master plan happens to be tooling around all day in an ice cream van like a set of complete fuckwits?

I cannot figure out Take Thats The Flood song at all:

Standing, on the edge of forever,
At the start of whatever,
Shouting love at the world.
Back then, we were like cavemen,
We?d beam at the moon and the stars,
Then we forgave them.

We will meet you where the lights are,
The defenders, of the faith we are.
Where the thunder turns around they?ll run so hard we?ll tear the ground away.

You know no one dies, in these love town lies,
Through our love drowned eyes, we?ll watch you sleep tonight.

Although no one understood we were holding back the flood,
Learning how to dance the rain.
We were holding back the flood they said we?d never dance again.

I'll tell you what I want,
What I really, really want...

Apparently, THAT song won an Ivor Novello??

psychic that's weird I thought 'hollaback girl' was 'harlem black girl' as well!

Shania Twain is always a good one for silly lyrics eg in Man I feel like a Woman:

'Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Color my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!'

Firstly, I didn't know wearing a man's shirt was particularly in style. Yes it is really really daring to colour your hair! At least you have ceased being confused over your gender and decided you are female so that's a relief.

But Aretha Franklin goes one further in the gender confusion as she hints at some kind of sex-change:

'Cause you make me feel, you make me feel, you make me feel like
A natural woman'

Adele's someone like you, surely the relationship ended for a reason, also maybe half his fault, why find someone like him?????

Faith Hill: "It's centrifugal motion / It's perpetual bliss"

Firstly, thanks for the physics reminder, it will come in handy in my GCSEs (it did, along with Flanders and Swan's First And Second Laws of Thermodynamics) but WTF is it doing in a love song? And secondly, is the force that forces things apart really that blissful? Let alone appropriate for a song about kissing. Kissing in the middle of a strong centrifugal force would surely be really frustrating?