to get disproportionately angry when songs do not make sense

[WTAF]

In the car today, radio on, and they start playing All Around The World by Lisa Stansfield. Instantly I felt the rage creeping up.

'Been around the world and I, I
I can't find my baby,
I don't know why, why he's gone away '

YES YOU FUCKING DO, LISA! Allow me to refer you to your own words, not 30 seconds ago, when you said (and I quote):

'We had a quarrel, and I let myself go
I said so many things, things he didn't know
And I was oh, oh so bad'

And then, and then, LISA, you go on to say

'I did too much lying, wasted too much time'

So you do know, you know exactly why he's gone away, so you should just STFU and concentrate on finding him to apologise. Not singing that bullshit trying to make us feel sorry for you, when clearly it is all YOUR FAULT.

I feel better for that. Anyone else?

Bollocks Lady! You beat me to it!!!

Ipomegranate - good point about Do they know it's Christmas. And, as many others have pointed out for me, No, they bloody don't because most of them are Muslims anyway.

Right, it was a long way upthread, but Wonderwall. I've heard an alternative explanation, which is that a wonderwall is one of those football wall charts that kids used to get in the 70s where you'd collect special tokens for each team or player. Admittedly, it makes no sense at all in the context of the song.

before me, not for me.

Big Yes to : I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair. It's so flipping annoying. And such a good tune.

As well as : 9million bicycles in Beijing, no, it's just not a fact. At the very point she's finished counting the bicycles there's bound to be even more or maybe even less. There can't possibly be exactly nine million bicycles.

Chasing pavements, what does she mean, has she fallen over. What's it all about?

And I was feeling nostalgic at the weekend and listening to "Damn, I wish I was you lover" and heard this:
"Give you something sweet each time you come inside my jungle book" Oh, really? Although the imagery is both wierd and s**t, what bothers me is that: If there's all this jungle book action surely you already are lovers?

I don't post very often but this thread is so amazing that I had to.

A bugbear of mine (and I know there are more!) is Babe by Take That:

"Then a voice I once knew
Answered in a sweet voice"

A voice answering in a sweet voice? WTF Mark?!

Also, for Hollaback Girl fans, I have this printed out at work as it always makes me laugh during dull moments:

gregstacy.wordpress.com/2006/10/29/this-shit-is-bananas-a-probing-analysis-of-gwen-stefani%E2%80%99s-%E2%80%98hollaback-girl%E2%80%99/

Example analysis:

"A few times I?ve been around that track
So it?s not just gonna happen like that
Cause I ain?t no hollaback girl
I ain?t no hollaback girl
Gwen is apparently the captain of the cheerleader squad; she is the girl who ?hollas? the chants, not one of the girls who simply ?hollas? them back. Given that the squad is preparing to beat somebody up on Gwen?s behalf, she?s picked a strange time to remind them that she is their leader and they are her sheep-like followers. Gwen obviously rules her squad with an iron fist."

Love it x

The last Punk I saw definitely didn't have flowers in his hair! It was superglued into eight inch spikes all over his head!!

Meatloaf-what exactly is it 'that' that you won't do?! Please tell.

I have to come and defend this one as my FIL used to say it all the time in the proper version of the song she sings
"After a while you'll forget everything,
It was a brief interlude, and a midsummer nights fling,
and you'll know that its time to move on"

and and

"I know the territory I've been around,
It'll all turn to dust and we'll all fall down,
and sooner or later you'll be screwing around"

So thats what he won't do

Kelly Rowland "Stole".
"Stolen" surely?

Anything referring to going to the doctors with a broken heart is just so annoying, e.g. Nothing Compares to You

"I went to the doctor, and guess what he told me... girl you gotta have fun no matter what you do."

I wonder what my GP would do if I turned up all lovelorn .

Any song at all by Girls Aloud!
I give you
"Something kinda ooh, jumping on my toot toot"
"I'll breathe underwater 'cos I like the way it feels"
"Oh, boy, I can't tell you how bad I'll feel. If tonight is just another kink in your steel"
"I'm shaking like a cool lemonade".

Were the songwriters pissed? Or did they just think "Fuck it, this'll sell".

"Joseph of Arimethea was a merchant and trader apparently. Jesus is supposed to have spent time travelling with him." - absolutely just read that as "jesus is supposed to have been time travelling with him". And why not? If God was my dad I'd make the most of that Dr Who action as well.

We were talking about "Do They Know It's Christmas?" this morning as well - yes, because the real problem with famine-hit populations is their lack of a CALENDAR. FFS.

Elvis Costello - you know I love you, but your song "Good Year For The Roses" is very silly. For a start how can you have a "lip-print on a half-filled cup of coffee
That [someone] poured and didn't drink"? Was s/he just smooching their lips against the cups? Miming drinking? What? And why was it only half-filled? If I didn't know better, I would say that it was your stinginess with coffee that had brought your relationship to an untimely end.

BUT NO:

"After three full years of marriage
It's the first time that you haven't made the bed
I guess the reason we're not talking
There's so little left to say we haven't said."

No, Elvis, the reason you're not talking is because you're such a massively lazy arse that you haven't made the bed. Even once.

Stephen 'Tin Tin' Duffy - 'Kiss me with your mouth'
Yeah, good thing to kiss people with that, Steve. I tried kissing someone with my elbow. It wasn't popular.

yyy to all above, but the absolute worst HAS to be the grammatical ones. Snow Patrol, I'm looking at you.

If I LAY here
If I just LAY here
Would you lie with me

At what point in the long, long, painstaking recording process could not someone have whispered 'LIE' ??

'My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.'

I picture some tweenager in a farmyard, whizzing strawberries in her mother's Kenwood

Phishwife that's always my reaction to Jerusalem too

I know it's already been mentioned loads but 'do they know it's christmas' - someone earlier linked to the creepy Christmas lyrics? I ALWAYS do get creeped out by that line it mentioned!

"Well tonight thank GOD it's them, instead of you!"

Yeah, we're alright jack! Phew! Thank The lord Jesus Christ it's THOSE people starving and dying and not me!!

That's not a very christmassy way to think now is it?

Another Snow Patrol one I still love you

Let's waste time

Chasing Cars

Around our heads

Scalextric cars? Actual cars? Toy cars?

If actual cars it's a bit dangerous and the turning circle would be too tight so must be toy cars. If toy cars then how will you be able to chase them around your head? Are you standing up holding a toy car each at head height running around each other? If you are both in the centre of a scalextric track lying down, how can you see to chase the cars?

I always used to get annoyed with the meatloaf song mentioned before as well. I was SO confused with that line "I would do anything for love. But I won't do that" just because I would think THEN YOU WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING THEN WOULD YOU MEATLOAF?!

"And now she?s two years older
Her mother?s with a soldier
She left me when my drinking
Became a proper stinging
The devil came and took me
From bar to street to bookie
No more nights by the telly
No more nights nappies smelling"

Up the Junction, Squeeze

Fred, much as I love you, if your heart's beating so you can hardly speak, I wouldn't think singing's a great idea.

And 'all together dancing cheek to cheek', just how many of you are there?!

Alannah Myles every time.

Black velvet and that little boy's smile
Black velvet with that slow southern style
A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees
Black velvet if you please

What crap. Compounded by the fact she says "Leedle" boy's smile.

I always thought Adele was singing about 'Chasing Payments', it seemed to make more sense that way. Like she worked in accounts or something.

"Take your seaside arms and write the next line..." Spandau Ballet - True

I love them but really, WTF?

As a small aside, when DH was a wee boy he thought the lyrics to True were 'I know there's budgies, too'. After reading about 'seaside arms' I'm not sure he was wrong.