tell me about your oddest colleague?

[StealthPolarBear]

Past or present.
We used to have one who would pick his ears and then make the coffee, it used to have bits floating in the top.

Munching carpet (or noshing cock of course) whilst bashing the bumhole with the chin didlo? Do I win?

The guywho ate the same lunch every day for the whole 9 months I worked with him (bread with margarine and pre sliced cheese). Also told me he ate the same dinner every day (vegetable sauages, potato waffles and baked beans) as he only had one plate and didn't want to waste time on washing up. Came to work every day late, then worked over his lunch hour and left early, leaving me (the junior team member) in charge. When I asked him about this, he said it was because he had to get home for Fifteen to One.

Bobbly I think it could be either orifice with the didlo (top misspelling btw)

oh I see it is actually a chin dildo. I thought it was a disparaging term for something else!

Nope! A big black shiny chin didlo is what it was

(I shall shut up about it now, though.)

OK now I sound like I'm trying to be cool and like I knew exactly what a chin dildo was! I had never heard of it, but what I meant was I wasn't even thinking about the actual, literal meaning.

Hee hee
I am not cool
[straight face]

I worked with a girl that used to steal loo roll from the toilets and the cutlery from the canteen.

She used to eat her lunch then wipe down her knife and fork with a paper serviette and say something like "I'm really low on forks at the moment" and just put them in her bag! Just like that infront of everyone!

Infact, if it wasnt screwed down the most random things found there way into her handbag.

One man reckoned he was psychic and would regularly freak people out by saying that a spirit was standing beside them. He eventually was told to stop when he was telling guys that he knew their wives were pregnant (they weren't) and told one woman that she had a child in the spirit world - that had never been born as her husband didn't have sex with her when he should have done

I have one who drinks custard every day, instead of tea or coffee. But that's just the tip of the iceberg tbh. She's as mad as a hatter!

The guy who carried a briefcase containing nothing except a silver-framed A4 photograph of Gillian Anderson (the redhead from X-Files). The picture went up on whichever desk he was working at. He also chatted to it. Quite sweet really ...

The custard-drinker wins! And I thought I worked with weirdos.

I have one who permanently wears a black beret because his hair is thinning. He sometimes arrives a full hour before he is supposed to start work. I asked him why and gather it is to save on heating etc but he even does it in the Summer.

At works Do's in the past he rushes up at the end and takes everything away from the Buffet in plastic bags without asking.

He hates throwing anything away and takes no notice of sell by dates. I've seen him actually get stuff out of the bin someone has chucked out for being past the sell by date, shouting in horror. He is obsessed with Martin Lewis price savers website and moans if he has to spend any money.
One Christmas he bought his relatives a MAGAZINE each.

Despite having a car he carries a rucksack and several bags into work as if he is going on a weekend break every day.

I actually get on quite well with him on the whole! Worrying.

My colleague has put every test print and activity report from the fax/printer, for the last 10 years in my intray/handbag/lunchbox etc - apart from the ones I've put in his helmet and under his seat that is.

The woman who turned up high as a kite after an all nighter with a 'famous man', got on all fours on the md's desk and asked him to please fuck her now! All before morning tea.

The man, who after large business dinner in very posh restaurant, flossed at the table. While clients were still eating.

Hmmmm

The one who begged and pleaded not to be sacked this morning (for not turning up for his shift over the weekend), only to quit halfway through his shift today, apparently because as a boss, I make him do the bits of his job that he doesn't want to do, like turn up at the proper time.

The one who told me that he had a condom in his wallet with my name on it

The one who insisted that all the staff turn up for work on xmas eve wearing short red nighties, so we could be Mrs Santas!

The one who turned up to work pissed as a fart, and expected NOT to be sacked.

The other one who turned up high on coke...two days after the one above got sacked.

The one who crashed a vehicle, attempted to cover up what he'd done, and tried to blame everyone else.

The one that wouldn't wash...either himself or his clothes

There's loads!

Mythical - maybe your colleague has a stutter? Most people who do stutter find that they don't when they sing. Just a thought. Not saying it's not a little odd though! :)

My boss's father aged 93 - known as the Chairman- comes into our office every day and sits at a desk reading the paper before either going to his club for lunch or taking over the tea room for the afternoon. He is actually quite sweet and makes me laugh because he is too old to be politically correct. I have seen him in the street berating young women for smoking. He told me that having 2 DC's wasn't enough to be a "proper family". ( He has 5 sons). I don't always feel like being in the tea room with him as he sucks his sandwich very slowly and loudly.

This was about 10 years ago, before most people had fast internet at home.

The office manager was looking for something on the server, when she came across a file labelled something innocuous like 'accounts'. She opened it up and found loads of pictures of semi-clad ladies in, er, compromising positions The folder was in an area of the server only accessed by a particular team of two blokes, and the 'last modified' dates showed they had all been downloaded at 8:30/9pm, when the office was usually empty, so somebody had clearly been spanking the monkey after hours.

The culprit eventually turned out to be the MD's son

Though for a while, suspicion had fallen on his colleague, who afterwards protested hotly, "I can't believe they thought it was me. Surely everyone knows I prefer hardcore!"

You lot work in some interesting places :o Best I had was ear picker guy and that was years ago

Interesting thread! Marking to come back later.

Ooooh, where do I start?

There was the one who used to wank on the desks of the girls he fancied (he was caught in the act of, err, depositing, when another colleague came in early). Amazingly he didn't get sacked. Oh no. He did it to three more women before they sacked him (he wanked into the desk drawer of one of them and covered all of her stuff in jizz). He also (apparently) used to talk to his cock in the loo, according to a male colleague.

There was the one who used to walk round the window ledges, round a quadrangle, three floors up. He also used to hide in the basement, sitting on one of the large pipes near the ceiling, jump down and go "waaaaah!" and run off whenever the maintenance man appeared.

Another who used to vault over everyone's desk to get to his, at the back of an open plan office. If you got in before him, you had to duck or would get kicked in the face.

I also used to work with two men who used to try and poke me in the fanny when I was leaning over a desk (a common occurrence as there weren't enough chairs or desks for everyone). They used to shout "Gooooaaaal!" if they thought they got it in.

Oh and the one who always, always used to comment on my tits. I had had enough of him one day, was wearing a lowish top, grabbed his head and stuffed it into my cleavage, shouting, "Have a closer look, why don't you?" He didn't make any more comments...

I don't think I have worked with any really strange women.

MrsS, where on earth did you work?

When you say 'fanny', do you mean in the English or the American sense?

some right whoppers there!

MrsS! OMG at wanking man!

I don't think I have ever worked with anyone as weird as any of this lot, just mildly irritating to me!

English sense of fanny.

You would be shocked if I told you, Count Bap.