tell me about your oddest colleague?

[StealthPolarBear]

Past or present.
We used to have one who would pick his ears and then make the coffee, it used to have bits floating in the top.

The former college librarian used to sleep in the basement after his partner kicked him out. The IT officer found him one morning.

Bloke I worked with in an office, he used to disappear every hour to spray himself all over with Lynx deoderant. He had two cats, because he knew women liked cats, and he used Lynx a the adverts seemed to attract women.

He never had a girlfriend, but told us he slept with a prostitute. We also disvcovered his fetish for muscley body building women . And he was obsessed with anything American. He went on a holiday to NY with "friends" apparently, but all the photos, you could tell it was him holding the camera to get himself in the snap, none with friends.

When I first met him I thought he was gay, still do, he is in the closet.

The guy who used to sneeze all over his computer screen. It was disgusting filthy.

The guy (a different guy who sat two desks away!!) who sneezed and sniffed and coughed up gunk on a frequent basis which he sued to spit into his waste paper bin. He was gross. He never did anything (like go to the doctor or try taking antihistamines if it was allergies) to try and fix it. Or deal with it more discretely (at least spit into a hanky or something so we can't hear you spitting into the bin!!!).

The guy who absent-mindedly rubs his nipples with the palms of his hands when he's thinking. In front of clients, everyone in fact.

StealthPolarBear yes it was invalid type whispering as if she had lost her voice.

She put a lot of effort into her frequent sick days, sometimes starting the preamble a day or two before. One of my favourites was when she had leftover beef stew or something similar for lunch and wondered if it was safe to eat it as her DH had left something else in the fridge uncovered near it. When I didn't rise to that one, she came back from lunch saying she hadn't heated it properly and wondered if that would make her sick. She made sure everyone she encountered all afternoon noticed that she wasn't feeling too good despite soldiering on before eventually going off to the toilet to be noisily sick, first making sure there was someone else around to hear. Think she was off for a day before coming back with the whisper again.

I worked with a really tall man for a short time (about 6'7"). Whenever he went to the loo he'd wee all over the loo - on top of the cistern and all over the floor around the loo. When he was asked about this unfortunate habit he denied it.
It was definitely him though, another colleague used to go and check after he'd been, and would go to the boss to say "the dirty pissing nobber's fucking pissed on the bog again" and got warnings for his language every time :o

OP, eughhhh!

The lady at the Examining Board where I worked as a temp when about 18. She never called me by my name, I was just 'the girl'. She used to tie up her hair in a chiffon scarf, different colour for every day. Her hair though, remained unwashed, rife with dandruff and everybody could smell her coming. She wore tweed suits, even in the height of summer, she had quite a few of them I reckon they belonged to an elderly relative.

She was young, maybe in her early thirties but acted and looked a lot older. I saw her years later and she looked exactly the same.

And I only mentioned the height because we used to think that maybe his willy was proportionally big, and therefore too heavy to have full control over - hence wee everywhere.
I forgot to put that bit in.

Wow @ these! I'm sure I have some!

Wow @ these! I'm sure I have some!

Most of the odd colleagues I've had have been depressingly (and boringly) depraved. Old, fat men sleeping with the young, blonde marketing managers, that kind of thing. Worst one was my friend almost walking in on the MD carrying on with a woman who was certainly not his wife on the sofa in his office. I have never sat on that sofa since.

I had a hypochondriac work colleague who never had a 'normal' illness - she always made them sound more interesting - like a 'respitrary tract infection' or a 'urinary tract infection' - never just a cold or a water infection.

We also had a bloke who collected big pencils - the sort you get as a kid from holiday places -

BeeBread, I worked with someone who used to fondle his upper thighs and belly while talking to people.

• hit post too soon! He was a bit wierd and creepy - we always thought the big pencils were a bit of a penis extension

The one who had a chin dildo on display on a shelf in his office.

It was a regular occurrence for the men's toilets to be off limits because someone had deliberately blocked all the toilets with hand towels and also pee all up the walls and over the sinks and floor.

One colleague always arrived at work in a bowler hat and carried a brief case with only his sandwiches in it. People thought he was senior management but he was only a step up from the junior

chin dildo?

in a performance review, manager took his socks to warm them on radiator

WTF?

I used to work with a lady called Brenda Snickers who had the most fascinating mole on her upper lip with a long curled black hair coming out of it. It used to quiver when she laughed. You literally couldn't take your eyes off it.

Think about it!

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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no, still lost

Youngmothertubby, we had a bloke like that in our office. He would come wearing a suit, woolen coat and carried a briefcase....to answer calls in a call centre. I think he wanted his parents to think he had a high rise job (he lived at home).

If you're reading this and thinking "nope, no odd colleagues at all where I work", I've got some bad news. You ARE the odd colleague ....

Well there's going down on a woman, and going down on her with a little extra oomph..... [ahem]

I cannot however explain why it was on a high shelf in his office. We thought it was to assert his superiority in some ultra, ultra strange and non-British way.

I work with a lovely lady who is 61. She is very prim and proper. Immaculate at all times, never swears and is calm and collected. She is very ladylike, never gossips and looks suitably horrified at some of the funny antics that younger members of staff get up to. Whilst straight laced she is a very kind lady and helps everyone.

We were all gobsmacked when we met her husband. They have been married for years and he is at least 8 years younger, has tattoos, BOTH ears pierced, designer stubble and is loud and funny.
He wears trendy clothes which are totally at odds with her smart attire.

They are such a bizarre couple that none of us can imagine what they are like at home. They appear devoted to each other.