The Museum of Modern Toddler Art

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Now, Abandoned Breakfast is a particularly important piece. Note the toast finger hanging disconsolately from the eggshell, yolk leaking over the edge of the plate and pooling onto the table below. We can see from the setting that the breakfast was barely touched despite the care used in preparing it, and the futility evoked stands in direct contrast to the cheery cow-patterned eggcup and bright yellow plate. The viewer is confronted by the eternal question: What Is The Bloody Point, I Ask You?

Giggles leads the way in the Lovely Toddler Wing. The visitor will find herself alone in a presumably empty room where various inches of toddler will stick out from under brightly coloured blankets, while the silence is only broken by (almost) silent giggles

Other works in the Lovely Toddler Wing include Sloppy kiss on nose and the heart warming Cuddles

I missed the bus

This is a sound installation created by the artist in his later ?teenage? period. He had, by then, eschewed the aural drama of earlier works for a more subtle method of communication; quieter, some would even say animalistic in its subdued grunts and half-heard hints at words. However, in this piece, the artist reverts to his previous, toddler-period burning desire to convey his message in unmistakable terms. He speaks bleakly of missed opportunities, of abandonment and loss of hope.

He has matured, though, in his application and no longer uses the high-volume repeat-loop method to demand the audience?s attention. Instead he has invented an entirely new performance technique to add to his oeuvre - dazzling in its directness, in that it actually uses complete words, but also subtle in its entrapment of the audience?s emotional involvement in the production. Critics have labelled this innovative approach as ?sucking up?.

rofl

I bow down to the artistic genius here.

Will this exhibition be touring?

wee dance

a piece of performance art that captures the deep seated confllict between desire and necessity.

Denial

The long-since toilet-trained toddler engages the viewer in a well-rehearsed vignette.
Viewer: 'Do you need a wee?'
Toddler: 'NO. I do NOT need a wee.'
Viewer: 'Ok, well let's put you on the loo anyway.'
Toddler: 'Nooooo! I don't need one! Nooooo!'

The scene ends with the young artist producing a prodigious stream and the viewer sighing.

Repeated several times a day - you won't miss it!

Shut the door don?t shut the door

A performance piece demonstrating the frightening power of combined melodrama and volume in compelling others in society to comply with unreasonable demands. The artist purposefully slams a door himself, then becomes theatrically and loudly hysterical in being confronted with the shut door. The door is then opened again by an unseen force, presumably representing the dichotomy of both unwanted authority and also necessary agency for change, and the process is repeated ad infintum.

Don't miss at the end of every day:

Wine o'clock

In recognition of the fact that many of our exhibits are emotionally and physically draining, if you make it successfully through the lengthy piece that is Bedtime Routine, a glass of your favourite beverage awaits your eager hands.
Sit back, relax, and reflect on which pieces, installations, and one-act plays particularly moved and challenged you today.
Don't worry if you didn't get time to get involved with all of them thoroughly, as there's always tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after that.
Empty the bottle as you realise the full depths of your involvement?

Pisser sur le plancher

Performance piece installed in immediate proximity to lavatory. A further Duchampian tribute with a nod to Xu Lei and Xu Pei's ground breaking reinterpretation of the classic.

Companion piece - sopping pedestal mat

The hairstylist

A despairing piece defining the concept of Infinity.This performance piece has the Artist sitting with a box of hairbands and clips and brushing her hair. As time goes on she slowly adds more and more clips to her hair until she is lying down from the wait.

Coming soon The hairdresser
As above, but she has found teh scissors. Accompanied by a recording of the discovering adult's hysterics.

Bloody hell wait??

weight. Obviously

The UnWhite Rug

A challenging piece, at first it appears as usual, a simple plain white flat woven rug, a little folded and worn in places. Yet on closer inspection the artists true marks can be seen. Bold colours bright in contrast - blue, green, pink. The marks casual yet coordinated.

Designed to inspire a complicated range of emotions in the viewer the artist displays this piece hanging so that the viewer can see the effect on both sides.

In the second stage of the piece the rug must be washed with bated breath to discover if the artists marks are truly eternal, or more transient frustrations to be removed by the cruel world around the artist.

scribble 4 of 8

A piece so named to invite a free interpretation and not limit the experience. Medium is permenant black marker on wallpaper.

This is the fourth in a series where the artist experiments with different media in order to create a range of responses.

Expletive Repeated

This high-decibel commando performance in the medium of new-found power of speech, offers a challenging counterpoint to the hushed grandeur of the art museum in which it is staged.

Potty training

This sculptural piece in a number of materials contrasts the strength, yet fluid nature of urine, with the solid, but ulitmately useless nature of a molded plastic pot. The added Disney princess decorations demonsrate the challenges in our society between modern consumerism, and the more basic human urges. The trail of liquid leading up to the plastic pot illustrate the futility of this journey in life and demonstrate how one is never fully ready to embrace consumerism, but instead prefer to allow one's natural sluid to flow freely on the outside.

unflushed toilet
A truly eclectic conceptual piece in which the onlooker is drawn to the clean, white curves of a white porcelain receptacle, whereby, on closer examination there is revealed a 'piece within a piece'- a cluster formation of nuggetts and sworls in colours ranging from burnt sienna to terracotta.

I'm thinking there might be some arts graduates on mumsnet then?

The carpet vanishes

A large installation piece featuring mixed media, particularly textiles and paper (and more and more and more paper). Viewers are invited to explore the piece in close detail, but please ensure you are equipped with sturdy footwear before taking part as Lego in the ball of the foot may cause distress.

end of day

A small backpack sized display.... tumbling out of it a plastic bag containing soiled pre-school clothes, some black plimsolls with playdoh all over the soles and a lunch box with an old banana skin (blackening), a yoghurt lid stuck to the roof, a small spoon with yoghurt all over it and a half eaten cheese sandwich, curling at the edges...all hinting at the day experienced.

Songs I have loved A musical interpretation of modern toddlerhood. Enter this simple space and lie on the soft floor while relaxing melodies soothe you.

As different coloured lights move softly across the space, lose yourself in reworked versions of "Hello Puppy Calling" "Yellow Lion in the African Sun" and "The CBeebies Bedtime Song".

CDs are available in the gift shop or as a download from the museum website.

debut in white

In which a new and upcoming artist explores society's relationship with colour and the lack thereof by utilising, throughout various spaces, a range of media including cream cleaner, toothpaste and flour. The final space depicts the artist himself who has ingeniously disguised his own colour having painted himself from foot to face in sudocrem; a searing indictment on our pre-conceptions of racial stereotyping. The fact that he teeters at the top of a flight of stairs depicts in the starkest terms the way in which our own ideas of colour and race are precarious and unreliable.

Hidden Danger

In this piece, the artist moves on hands and knees around a seemingly safe and babyproofed installation. However they challenge the viewers' perception, and the societal norms that limit behaviour within a gallery space, by discovering coins, marbles, and other small windpipe-sized objects on a floor that appears at first glance to be devoid of matter. The viewer will feel compelled to enter the work and remove the object from the child's grasp, thus breaking down the usual barriers between artist and public and allowing a unique way for the viewer to take home a small souvenir of their visit today.

blissed ignorance

A short film played on a loop depicting a heavily pregnant woman reclining on a sofa. The setting is a comfortable room with cream carpets, soft furnishings, pale walls, some fine artworks and beautiful glassware adorn the setting. Bookshelves are filled with classical literature, a selection of table top art books and a pile of new novels with the label 'books to read on maternity leave'. A cat sleeps quietly in a corner.

The woman relaxes with a laptop to hand, she scrolls through postings on a popular message board. Her face expresses amusement tinged with the sure knowledge that none of this will happen to her.

Lego Underfoot

Note the bewildered contortions of pain on the face of the adult in this somewhat disturbing but important piece. The anguish of the work perhaps echoes that of Munch?s The Scream. The primal scream of the parent has its roots in the realisation: I filled my house with this tat!

No (louder)

Audio piece in which the word 'no' is repeated ad infinitum becoming louder and more insistent each time. (nb please have medic in attendance)