The Museum of Modern Toddler Art

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Now, Abandoned Breakfast is a particularly important piece. Note the toast finger hanging disconsolately from the eggshell, yolk leaking over the edge of the plate and pooling onto the table below. We can see from the setting that the breakfast was barely touched despite the care used in preparing it, and the futility evoked stands in direct contrast to the cheery cow-patterned eggcup and bright yellow plate. The viewer is confronted by the eternal question: What Is The Bloody Point, I Ask You?

But all my friends have

A piece for 2 or more voices

The themes of Blake's Songs of Innocence and Experience and re-interpreted for the 21st century in this performance piece for two or more voices.

The artist observes that she is denied access - by the arbitrary forces of parental oppression and parsimony - to a cultural (and often electronic) good widely possessed by her friends. The artist's' parents then appear as a chorus, questioning whether it is really the case that Ella, Maisie and Grace all have one - such is the subjective and existential nature of Truth - yet asserting that the artist too may have one of her own, should she amass sufficient birthday money with which to purchase it.

This piece is often performed in conjunction with the popular work It's not fair.

Here we have 'nanna'

Nanna, goes everywhere with us, it is comfort, it is preferably blue, it is with us always. The toy rabbit is offered nanna, the real rabbit is offered nanna.

The artist is concerned with continuum and the meta narrative of presence. So nanna is with us always - in bed, in nursery, on the sofa, in the car, a general adjunct to life itself.

Oh, did I mention that nanna is actually any old muslin square (as long as it has a decent label on it)? Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, surely a secondary commentary on our consumerist nature?

Wha's Tha?

A debut auditory masterpiece from this ingenue, Wha's Tha? explores the relationship between the audience and modern vehicular machinery.

The artist constantly batters the audience with a repetitive chorus of the title, while never accepting the answer. Ask yourself, is the bus really a bus? Or a tractor as the artist would have you believe?

Warning: this piece may create passive rage in audience members and cause bleeding of the ears.

He Started It

This remarkable installation has provoked controversy since its first unveiling. It is the first product of a collaboration between two previously-unknown artists, both of whom are absolutely insistent that the other was repsonsible for the work. Interestingly, neither will acquiesce, despite assurances that the audience just does not bloody care who started it.

Stickers
A work moving from 2d to 3d, stickers applied to a toddler table.
At once an appropriation of the creative endeavors of others, and a symbol of early flowering awareness of the transactional nature of so many situations and relationships. The stickers themselves chart the artists changing tastes from fifi and the flowertots via sticker chart reward stickers and onwards to the consumer dream that is the high school musical cast. Perhaps more affecting are the 'ghost' stickers where just a shadow consisting of dirty glue is allowed to remain as a tribute to those who have fallen from favour.

Why?

This astonishing and visceral piece presents the viewer with the opportunity to experience how a single word, uttered repeatedly and relentlessly, can produce utter despair and also to witness a brave and trail-blazing attempt to break the very bounds of time and space: The young artist is intent on compressing an immense number of Why?s into a unit of time far too small to contain so many.

This record-breaking work is part of a triptych which include What's that? and Where's Daddy? (at work) and is said to have been the inspiration for the critically acclaimed piece Because I fucking said so

Gum stuck under the table

A collaborative piece involving unknown numbers of participants and taking place over perhaps years, this is a piece of haphazard or hidden/private art where the full effect can only be truly felt upon accidental discovery in the course of moving house or taking the 'canvas' apart for some reason -- let's say sale of the table to a neighbour. Attractive pastel colours belie the sheer physical effort involved in the multi-step process of creation; realisation of the amount of time involved in the compiling of the masterpiece evokes a sensation of awe at the persistence of anarchical leanings among youth. Or alternatively the installation is a comment on impermanence (of the gum flavour) contrasted with permanence (of the gum itself).

The end of the World

A masterpiece of minimalist art, a broken pink wafer biscuit sits upon a plinth, whilst a soundtrack of heart rendering wails fills the room. A chilling commentary on the imperfections of reality.

Playing hospitals
A telling piece reflecting the desperate state of NHS resources which forces the audience to consider how budget cuts may impact A&E facilities.
4 artists (aged between 2 and 6) use Sudocrem and toilet paper to excellent effect to bring to mind plaster casts on the arms and legs of all 4 artists.
The audience is further forced to consider NHS cleaning issues when confronted with the same 4 artists in the related pieces 4 children in a shower being scraped clean and sudocrem washing mountain.

'one mor'

The artist is intent on demonstrating his reflexive relationship with the world at large. How 'one mor' can be liberally applied to all and sundry - from chocolate buttons, to kisses on the tummy, to hanging the washing on the line. The artist, is as yet, unconcerned with the concept of 'no mor' but surely this is his triumph - as everything is an endless possibility.

During your visit why not pay a trip to our newly refurbished restaurant?

With a state of the art kitchen designed in an exclusive collaboration between Fisher Price and Little Tikes, our highly trained chefs have worked together to create innovative and ground breaking menus including dishes such as Peas on Toast and fromage avec des fruits sur pain. Exclusive tasting menu available, with added touches such as eggs in your glass of water.

The food is presented on designer plastic crockery, the chef may even make full use of the kitchen by sending your food out in a frying pan. Cutlery, naturally, will also be from the exclusive plastic range.

Waiting staff are highly trained to drop your food prior to serving, and the chefs are likely to sit with you and share your meal.

Prices vary depending on the time of day, weather, colour of the plate and what shoes you are wearing. Please also note that portion size will vary. The chefs reserve the right to close at short notice, whether or not you have finished.

Yellow on Large White
Note how the artist has used the natural pigment of the Dandelion flowers to paint abstract and figurative designs on the stark white house wall.

Everybody in my Class and Nobody You Know

The first work consists of group portrait of approx 30 figures depicted in gold and silver gilt on a rose pink background.

The second work (by the same artist) developes the theme of the first to depict an individual of the above group in the act of getting away with murder.

The viewer is invited to contrast these socially entirely normal portrayals of teenage life with that of the actual artist (usually present as an off stage moaning rant interrupted by slamming doors, screeches of 'Like now you are pretending you care' and an unmusical backdrop of extremely nasal singing and random snatches of 'music' often attributal to Rage Against the Machine).

I wonder whether we might present our works as a double bill, Barbarian?

Yes, good idea Maud, or perhaps as theatre (Live drama in eight hundred and twenty seven acts).

Yes, or alternatively as a video installation, on endless loop?

.... turn the lights off - a study in human behaviour...

.. a minimalist display in subdued lighting of a couple on a sofa - the glistening of a single glass stood on a small side table - the contents reflecting in a strange very eery glow on the ceiling... the hum of the dishwasher and washing machine can be heard in the background.... in the distance a small thump thump thump of the bass of a sound system.... a buzz from a phone on "silent" (ignore) ... and THEN THE ALL MIGHTLY THUMP as the Kitchen Door flings open - the Kettle switch is banged ON - a fierce and mericless boiling of water - and then the rattling around in the cutlery drawer - then silence for at least two minutes - BUT NO - then there is a frenzy of activity as small strands of water/flour/additives and flavouring are exposed to the air - YES YES YES - THE POT NOODLE is born !!

Obsession

An ongoing and challenging interactive performance, where the audience is invited to a game of 'football'. Played across various surfaces including carpet, concrete and grass, the scenes change with rapid fluidity. Tromp l'oeil is used to effect the rapid changes of pace and direction required to fully appreciate the piece.
Marked by homage to Diego Maradona (a former 'enfant terrible' of the genre) and alluding to the work of the Portugese artist Ronaldo, the audience will be astounded by the sheer wall of noise. Participants should be advised that ear protectors should be worn. Contains very strong language and the threat of having your leg broken. Unsuitable for anyone over the age of 8.

No Yes

A confusing and challenging piece for the most discerning critic. An auditory loop brings the eternal question 'Would you like...' echoing to the ears of the observer. In stark juxtaposition to the gentle questioning, a shriek of 'No' will strike out into the piece. Thrice No. The gentle dimming of the auditory loop 'Would you like' blurs gently to 'no thank you, ok then'
Just as the audience prepares to leave the installation they will find all their preconceptions of a harmonious resolution shattered by the one last, terrible wail of 'I wanna...'

Dawn - A piece in tune with the seasons, exploring the fluid relationship between day light and the start of day. Summer visitors should be prepared to arrive early

i not tired

it is the repetitive nature of this piece that poses the real challenge for the viewer. the artist uses herself as actor to explore the gulf between the hysterically repeated assertion "i not tired" placed in contrast with the overwhelming visual evidence of exhaustion, inviting the viewer to reflect upon the cultural constructs surrounding the meaning of the word "tired". in the end, who is indeed "tired"? the artist, the viewer - or society as a whole?

visitors are advised to wear protective earphones, as the decibel safety level is often exceeded during performance of this piece.

Fresco

This is an interesting observational piece in which viewers can watch the completely silent creation of an extensive mural created through the medium of the unwashable felt-tip pen all over a newly painted wall. The comparatively low height of the mural - in this case three feet - is a commentary on the limited ability of the artist to express himself freely within society, while the monochrome freehand swirls act as a witty intellectual counterpoint to the moral repression encountered by the artist.

companion piece to ...

After my nap

A looped black and white film from the 1960s showing a young mother discovering that her toddler daughter has removed her terry towelling nappy and extensively smeared the contents into every corner of her cot. The film shows the puzzled toddler repeatedly mouthing the words "Cleaning!" to her angry parent.

Fountain 2011

By placing an upside down potty in the gallery space this artist is giving a nod to duchampian values, playing with ideas of public decency and shock value, and making us want to simultaneously buy a packet of pull ups and write to the daily mail.