The Museum of Modern Toddler Art

[Tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Now, Abandoned Breakfast is a particularly important piece. Note the toast finger hanging disconsolately from the eggshell, yolk leaking over the edge of the plate and pooling onto the table below. We can see from the setting that the breakfast was barely touched despite the care used in preparing it, and the futility evoked stands in direct contrast to the cheery cow-patterned eggcup and bright yellow plate. The viewer is confronted by the eternal question: What Is The Bloody Point, I Ask You?

LOVE this thread

Time out...

A conceptual piece with both child protagonist and adult. Post-modern in it's purist form showing destabilisation of norms and multiple voices ephasising the adult anguish...'just think super nanny...it's only for two minutes...can I really be bothered...no I have to do this, be strong' and being overt in it's message to the adult audience. This element fights with the subversive nature of the protagonist, who's face has 'try me' written all over it.

LOL! Have to share this post with you - waterbirthplease.wordpress.com/2011/02/02/art-review/

the apple

Decay is personified in this piece, located behind the highchair where it lies, abandoned. It is a powerful commentary on wants and gratifications.

[said in Brian Sewell voice]

Toy box

An interesting work, which challenges societies idea of 'Order'.The artist shows the neat toy receptacle in the background, empty and unused, while a wide range of items are strewn in a casual, and apparently random, fashion across the wider stage. Note the use of non-traditional play items such as the cat food bowl, phone handset and pot plant which are seemlessly intergrated into the setting. The more observent viewer will spot the live exhibit, cat in a hat, tucked into the corner of the piece.

window smears

Using the unique medium of glass the artist has chosen as his palette grease, nasal mucosa, saliva, and an unidentifiable tacky substance to create a work of great pathos. The natural limits of the artist mean that his creation contrasts strongly with the expanse of clear surface above. The swirls, body prints and occasional clinging crumb encourage the viewer to identify with the artist's desire to remove the boundaries between where he is and where he wants to be. This piece evokes a real sense of frustration and a actual duality of actual vision; the desire to get out some cloths and spray has also been reported by some viewers.

the ever so slightly but not really ill child.

This challenges the relationship between child and parent and allows both artist and observer to experience a variety all emotions often all at once.The subject wakes in the morning and declares and tummy ache. Tears, cuddles and a lie in the subjects parents bed are met with tenderness and concern. Roll on five hours later the parent has escaped to the kitchen to mumsnet and the subject is still shouting from the sofa her latest demands. The area looks like a playgroup outing has played in front of the television. Four year old maintains her constant viewing helps her feel better, parent is considering pulling the plug and taking everyone swimming.

Discarded Coat

In this piece the artist has strewn a brand new raincoat in a seemingly haphazard manner across the floor. Creating an obstacle for the viewer & challenging their desire to hang it up. The coat is well matched in colour & texture to the smooth terracotta tiled floor (upon which it is exhibited). This is an interactive piece & the artist has clearly taken great care to arrange the coat so that should the viewer walk over the coat their foot becomes entangled within the confines of the sleeve. The viewers sensibilities are further challenged as they wrestle to free themselves from within this complex piece.

This is a companion piece to Lost Left Shoe and a follow up piece to the artists earlier work of Cracker Crumbs on a Freshly Hoovered Rug.

I don't like blueberries I like blueberries

Juxtaposing our modern day obsession with health-giving, so-called "super foods" as snacks with the equally contradictory nature of the artist as all-powerful "ego" expressing preferences. To consume is to destroy, yet to be an artist is to create.

hurricane
An emotive yet strangely defeatist instillation where the artist stands grinning broadly in the mist of of a hurricane. They have smeared themselves with chocolate and biscuit crumbs to blend perfectly with the floor. Books are artfully tossed at will. Tiny bits of plastic that have no function lie strewn in places guaranteed to cause any viewer to step on painfully thus drawing themselves further into the piece.
In one corner, a lone woman lies slumped. A bottle of gin dangles precariously from one hand.
In the background, Peppa pig plays on an endless loop, on a TV smeared with porridge.
Glitter has somehow worked its way into every crevice never to be removed from the dwelling no matter how fancy and powerful the dyson may be.

Can this be moved to classics - work such as this should not be lost; it should be preserved for future generations to enjoy and engage with. Please.

i don't want another one i want that one

A multi-media work. Against a repeated sound loop of piercing and hysterical screams, the artists has installed one broken McVities chocolate biscuit alongside an arrangement of several dozen whole and apparently identical chocolate biscuits. In doing so, the artist challenges fundamental consumerist principles by highlighting and destabilising the underlying assumption that mass-produced and identical goods are interchangeable.

i want to get hurt mummy

The artist, confronted with a broken glass, bemoans the "nanny state" so keen to suppress their creativity. A commentary on the need to feel pain in order to learn and the oppressive nature of motherhood.

I am also marking place!

Leave her alone
Examines the complex sibling relationship and the continuing importance of heirarchy in our culture. The artist explores the boundaries of acceptable behaviour by the constant tormenting and provoking of the younger sibiling who displays the conflicting emotions of both wanting to be involved and yet screaming in protest.

ephemeral in black - 3

A nihilistic work, consisting of a size 2 school shoe ? with sole hanging off from the upper, which may or may not be leather. Presented by the artist with a theatrical shrug ? the viewer is led to consider the meaninglessness of promises ? those made yet again by the artist not to play football in his new school shoes, and those by Asda, of a shoe that is hardwearing and should definitely last more than two days?.

The flowers are very thirsty today

An installation in which The Artist has laboured to ensure that all five of the viewers' senses are thoroughly stimulated, indeed challenged to the maximum. The viewer's sight is first dazzled by the riot of colours of all the patio plants; following this the viewer hears The Artist's repeated, persistent, plaintive lament on behalf of the voiceless flowers and their desperate desire for sustenance. The viewer feels the heat of the sun and experiences all the sensuous pleasure of the splashing of water into buckets and watering cans on a scorching day. In a moment of unparalleled artistic triumph, The Artist empties every bucket on to the patio, not excluding the special bit where the shoes are put to Keep Dry. This action enables the viewer to truly experience the pain of hope disappointed, coupled with the futility of waste where there is need, so tragically common in our modern world. To complete this breathtaking cultural and emotional journey, the viewer is treated to the heady scent and taste of an unripe strawberry because The Artist "not like them" despite picking them every single one.

Catch The Artist's sponsor with her own installation later this year: We're on a bloody water meter you know.

lego mountain

The latest instalment & possibly largest of Britain's contemporary art showings in this postcode. Lego mountain is made up of seemingly millions of small blocks, each bearing an uncanny resemblance to the others. We have been advised that the interaction of visitors with the sculpture can cause dust (possibly accumulated over a number of days) to rise which could be damaging to health. In consequence and in consultation with the artist, it has been decided not to allow anyone to walk across the sculpture.

the vomit jug

Perched precariously amid a rumpled duvet, the empty jug speaks to the viewer in visceral overtones of barely contained desperation. Evoking a recent sense of abandonment, the diorama appears to be anticipating sudden onslaught. Anti-bacterial wipes close at hand signify constant war against a hidden foe. Wan faces and cracked lips; exhaustion and sunken eyes: wretched symbols of a squandered weekend. Nursery. Friend or foe?

Mummy PLEEEEASE

This is a recording which is set to constantly repeat, slowly increasing in volume until it is a scream. This purely audio experience invites the hearer to experience the rise in tension - and blood pressure - that the repeated phrase evokes.

Do you need the potty? Do you?

A happening piece

The artist produces, then conceals, faecal matter. Upon perceiving the gut wrenching stench, viewers are alerted to the piece, and unable, in fact, to ignore it.

The artist stares defiant yet sad, and at a key moment in this performance, one participating viewer hesitates before joining the artist in part two of the piece, perhaps reminiscent of a Rambert modern dance production, given the graceful choreography that ensues: the artist stands in a bathroom, the viewer, now inextricably involved in the piece, wrestles with the trousers till these flop round the artist's ankles. An observer would be moved by the look of utter horror in the participant's face at discovering the contents of the Thomas the tank engine pants; even those viewers familiar with the artist seem at a loss to understand what could have possibly been ingested to produce such foul depositions. The artist is pleased - he has excelled himself. Then, some words are uttered: "stand still, I need to wipe you" "but mom, I need to wee on the potty" "you'll have to wait" "I want now" "ok, hold your willy inside" "oh, mummy look" "I said INSIDE the potty!" "It's wet" "Yes, NO, DON'T STEP ON THE PUDDLE" "I'm wet, mummy"

Artist and participant walk in circles, reminiscent in fact, of Dante's circles of hell, or perhaps an allegory of the Via Crucis, till faecal matter and urine are disposed off, and the artist is once more clean.

The end of the piece is reached when the soiled pants are sealed and disposed of, bringing pathos and redemption to audience and participants.

Zombitch

An exciting new work from a former genius of the toddler modern art genre. We find the artist ten years on from noted installation pieces such as Mud and Leaves and Sticks and Stuff and Broken window now entering a new level of self-expression. The artist himself has named this series of new works his 'Black Ops Period'. The floor is littered with the reminders of his former artistic triumphs - Lego Obliteration and Circle of Airfix Hell while the creator reclines motionlessly, staring unblinkingly at a flickering screen. The viewer's eye is drawn to the ceaseless motion of the artist's thumbs, hypnotising and soporific, until suddenly shocked back to the here and now by shouts of "Take that, Zombitch!" We confidently predict even greater works to come from this towering intellect given the recent appearance of girls within the artist's frame of reference.

But we are tidying up...
This interactive piece sees the first collaborative work from 2 sisters (aged 2 and 4) who are new to the modern art scene.

The work is housed in a room which, on closer inspection, might once have been a sitting room. The 2 artists are head down in respective toy boxes, whilst small pieces of plastic pony accessory, fluffy toys, Lego, Happy Land farm animals, Disney Princess shoes, musical instruments, CBeebies magazine freebies, bouncy balls in all the colours of the rainbow, pieces of puzzle and card games are thrown through the air onto the surrounding floor. When interrupted approached by onlookers both artists look up and in unison shout "But we are tidying up" in a sing-song manner which belies the utter devastation of the work.

It's Not Fair

A creation inspired by the dawning realisation of the injustice at the very heart of society, this startling and innovative installation challenges the viewer's anger management skills and calm amidst the storm at their very core.

To a headache-inducing background loop of slammed doors and a rap-reminiscent trap of 'it's not fair, you're not fair, I hate you', the viewer is drawn in to a space resembling perhaps a city tip, in which pieces of homework lie scattered and unloved, books fly around with speed which may surprise the viewer (or hit them, in fact), and doors stand at awkward angles, perhaps reflecting the unhinged nature of the societical rules the artist is successfully rallying against in her bold and loud piece.

It is worth mentioning that this is the same artist who eight years previously was the author of the work 'sudocrem baby' which stunned art critics and consumers alike in its bright white comment on her mother's lack of ability to hide nappy cream.

trap track