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Original poster

Thickos on TripAdvisor

578 replies

bupcakesandcunting · 18/03/2011 09:03

I usually check reviews about places on Trip Advisor before booking a holiday. I've been having a snoop round this morning for a holiday and went onto Trip Advisor to read the reviews and honestly, some of them look like they've been written by a bear mashing his paws into the keyboard and hitting "send"...

AIBU to disregard reviews by people who moan that "nobode understand ENGLISH" "no chips/salad just greek food" "wayter rude" or should I be giving them the same attention as the others?

OP posts:
bintofbohemia · 20/03/2011 19:44

I wrote a bad one once but there were people with no teeth sat in the bar and one of them had a rat on their shoulder...

FellatioNelson · 20/03/2011 19:45

OMG - Porto where are you ^finding* these perfect specimens? That poor girl in Paris. Shock

Georgimama · 20/03/2011 19:59

This thread has got me making hideous happy pig noises. I actually sound like I'm being murdered.

Just for fun I looked up the lovely and bargainous hotel we stayed at in Venice a few years ago - some of the reviews are pretty old so contemporaneous with our stay. It was literally spitting distance from St Marks Square and less than £100 per night.

Several of the reviews complain about the size of the rooms. This is Venice, where many of the buildings date from the 15th century. Two reviews complained about the noise from the bells in the cathedral. And the continental breakfast was basic - only rolls, biscotti, coffee, orange juice, jam, honey, butter and croissants. Someone was sounding off because the waitress looked peeved when her husband asked for a third croissant.

I bet she did. Fat bastard.

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 20/03/2011 20:01

Link please, Bint!

OP posts:
LessNarkyPuffin · 20/03/2011 20:01

They may knock on the door but do they have Dillie's staying power?

FellatioNelson · 20/03/2011 20:02

'We would return to this hotel not EVER EVER, not even if you gave us £100000000. We'd rather go to Southend on Sea.'

Yes, that's eight noughts. One hundred million.

bintofbohemia · 20/03/2011 20:05

Let me see if I can find it. It was in Blackpool...

Georgimama · 20/03/2011 20:07

Oh God, my chest. I've just looked up a hotel in Paris we've stayed in three times because we love it. It's not posh, it's just a Sofitel, but it's clean, it's about five minutes walk from the Champs Elysees, the rooms are nice and the food on room service is fab.

There are many many reviews pondering the heat in the rooms - one person tried in vain to turn down the heating so had to open the window instead. Can you imagine the horror? On the plus side they found Denis the concierge very helpful. I'm sure if they'd asked Denis nicely he could have sorted the heating out.

And why, why, why, why do people check into standard doubles in city hotels in old buildings and then express surprise to find they aren't in a palatial suite?

FellatioNelson · 20/03/2011 20:18

Georgimama I think I know what waitress. I think we had her in Rome. Grin

We almost had a full blown stand up row with her. It was a help yourslef buffet breakfast with a copious selection of sticky lurid coloured cakes and pastries and pots of yoghurt etc. Our children were between 11 and 4 so obviously they were thrilled at the idea of all you can eat cake fro breakfast. We warned them not to be greedy but the trouble was, every single thing they tried was such dry, stale, horrible rubbish that they kept taking one bite out of something and spitting it out. First of all we told them off for being fickle and wasteful, but then we tried the food and realised why! I mean how bad can a pile of cakes and doughnuts be that three small boys won't eat them?

It was a bit awkward, but we just said 'Never mind, choose something else, and tried to hide the crumby debris under napkins. But even the yoghurts were vile - all full of gloopy thickeners but no actual flavour. Confused Eventually our table did (I must admit) look embarrassingly like Augustus Gloop had had a very wasteful food fight there, but the kids had hardly managed to eat a thing.

The waitress came over, looked at the table and immediately starting shouting and gesturing really aggressively in Italian, which I didn't understand, but got the general gist, which was that the English were all a bunch of arrogant greedy wankers. We tried to calmly explain that everything was so piss poor we'd had to work our way through the entire buffet trying to find something half edible, but she wasn't having any of it. And the place had bedbugs. Ahh. Happy memories.

FellatioNelson · 20/03/2011 20:25

'The town was like a ghost town. there was not a single English person to be seen.'

It's Tenerife. Hmm I didn't know they were obliged to supply English people in their towns for the tourists.

MainlyMaynie · 20/03/2011 20:34

This is a restaurant review. I came quite close to wetting myself too:

'i went ot this restaurant with my frends and the service was discreaseful my frends was drunk and hit her head of your tables and your staff didnt ask if she was allright they then brought use the wrong cake and my frenid was very upset and wet her self'

FellatioNelson · 20/03/2011 20:34

'There was phlegm on the interior lift walls and urine on the floor.'

Well, if you will book a holiday in the Croydon NCP multi-storey you've only yourself to blame.

FellatioNelson · 20/03/2011 20:46

On the contrary to some reports, I was told this hotel was for for young'uns wanting a lively holiday. However, when we got there we experienced a zero tolerance policy on fun, noise, and bringing ladies back to our room. However, the security guard did say he would accept a bribe if we wanted to break any of these rules - corrupt or what! One morning we were all asleep when the security guard dragged us out of bed and demanded 100 euros for.... sleeping?

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 20/03/2011 22:27

Hotel manager has excellent grooming skills...a

"very clean hotel manager was a pig on last day every one was very rude no entertainement hotel very boring i go on holiday at least 3 times a year always alinclusive but have never been treated as this place treated me will never go back or will never encourage family to go there did not get value for money sometimes out until 10 45 but told how many drinks i could have hotel rubbish but very clean food ok but very samey had to go out 4 meals there was nothing 2 eat after 9 pm kids hungry at 930 pm no snacks unless bought"

OP posts:
yonker · 21/03/2011 00:03

The colosseum...

'We visited the colosseum and were asked by a man dressed as a gladiator if we would like our picture taken with him. We said, "No thank-you". The man then called by husband some vulgar names. We left the colosseum without going inside and visited the other sites nearby. Later as we walked back to get the metro, a gladitor passed us on the sidewalk. He said, "Kill your wife". We assume it was the same gladiator, or perhaps they are all just rude creeps.'

For some reason the more I read this the funnier and stranger it seems (probably just me) - 'Kill your wife' - why FFS? No idea what this person thought of the colosseum, why tell people to not go to the colosseum because the 'gladiators' will tell you to kill your wife

Hullygully · 21/03/2011 09:42

'i went ot this restaurant with my frends and the service was discreaseful my frends was drunk and hit her head of your tables and your staff didnt ask if she was allright they then brought use the wrong cake and my frenid was very upset and wet her self'

hahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Hullygully · 21/03/2011 09:43

I love the gladiator.

FellatioNelson · 21/03/2011 10:16

to be fair, I've experienced the slightly seedy gladiators in Rome as well. They are basically smelly grubby peasants in fancy dress, begging with slight menaces, but when you've taken your 11 year old there as a birthday treat because he loves all things Roman you can hardly say 'No' to the posed photograph can you?

They were smelly though, those Gladiators. Shock

Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 21/03/2011 10:21

Oooh DH and I had our picture took with dem gladiators on our honeymoon, mainly because we were, ahem, refreshed from lunchtime beverages and also because the head gladiator thought DH was off the telly and reduced the price to 5 euros from 10. They were a right laugh.

OP posts:
Original poster
bupcakesandcunting · 21/03/2011 10:22

Grin at your DS loving all things Roman. That's lovely, that is.

OP posts:
AbsDuCroissant · 21/03/2011 10:46

I have learnt the following this from this thread:

  • never, ever go all inclusive
  • Spanish resorts will insist on serving Spanish food, letting in Spanish guests and speaking Spanish - the selfish bastards
  • if you or your frend get drunk and hit your head on the table, don't expect much sympathy
  • the are a lot more whores hanging around in hotels than you'd ever expect. But the ones in Greece are really lazy and sit on chairs, unlike good British whores who stand. Apparently

It has been an education Grin

JenaiMarrHePlaysGuitar · 21/03/2011 10:52

I almost wet meself too there, Hully Grin

Fimbo · 21/03/2011 11:21

I am liking this one about Mamaris:-

?Hotel carn't be beaten!! ( and believe me im picky)?
5 of 5 stars
Date of review: 4 Jan 2011

heya, been to this hotel and was lovely the only thing i can say is there aint no lifts . but other than tha hotel was very clean. Staff was brill, entertainment was brill day and night, there is a kids club, kids parkand kids games room which we won a a new psp game which costs about £200 in english money and we put 1 liera in and won it, so i would recomend avin a go at the game what u have to line up the squars lol the food in the resturant is bang on! would really recoment ppl to go, im a very fussy person with cleaness and i expect alot for wat i pay for.

jaggythistle · 21/03/2011 11:37

oh the game what you have to line up the squars, everybody's favourite! Grin

SoupDragon · 21/03/2011 12:34

FGS please don't make me browse the review section again...

[weeps]

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