What do you think about spouses/partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

The organisation Birthrights (with whom we've done some stuff in the past) are planning a new campaign called First Night, and wanted to know whether it's something MN could support - so we said we'd ask you lot!

Here's Birthrights' description of the campaign:

'Birthrights is a human rights in childbirth charity, and we will be launching a campaign later this year to ensure women aren't left alone on often over-staffed postnatal wards, but instead can choose to have their partner remain with them overnight. We will be researching what's important to women, partners and staff, the barriers and benefits, and working with units who've implemented this policy to draw up best practice guidelines to use as they lobby for change.'

So please let us know what you think. Is this something you'd like us to swing behind?

Thanks
MNHQ

I can't read everyone else's stories. All I can say is that I might not have experienced 2+ years of PTSD if my DH had been able/allowed to stay with me that first night. I was traumatised, abandoned, ignored. His support would have made so much difference that I can't bring myself to think (or therefore write) about it any more. It breaks my heart that these are the memories I have of my son's first few days.

Honestly? I was on a ward with overnight partners and I hated it. I was bleeding, exhausted and sore and waddling down the ward to use the loo and passing loads of dads was awful. Plus, even in the middle of the night, there was constant conversation. I couldn't rest, let alone sleep. Unless in en suite rooms, it's a dreadful idea.

The campaign should be for more staff on postnatal wards at night, NOT for partners to be able to stay

No, no and no again to partners or others staying overnight on maternity wards. Too many issues re privacy, noise, intrusion on others not to mention new mothers who are survivors of rape, dv etc.
In my opinion it's a misguided campaign - a hospital ward has to remain a place where an individual can be 'treated' with as much privacy, sensitivity and personal attention as possible. Visiting times can understandably be noisy, chaotic and quite challenging at times - the idea that these times could be extended to 24 hours is frankly a nightmare.
More staff yes - but spending your first hours or days with your baby surrounded by dozens of additional adults as well as new mothers and babies 24 hours a day..... No thank you.

I'd also echo others NO answer.

As a woman, I'd hate to be in a busy bay with men I don't know and all the issues I presume the first 24 hours after childbirth bring.

As a HCP this raises my BP too! There is barely enough room around beds in bays without another fully grown person. The issues are endless, infection control issues, space if there's an emergency or someone needs to be hoisted etc.

I also think its wildly unreasonable to expect the NHS to provide a single room to every mother at the present time. It's just another unachievable target to beat us with.

I agree MN should campaign for better staffing or as mentioned up thread more HCAs.

Just no!! totally unworkable in most hospitals due to limited space and then there's the issue of child protection/mothers safety.

Yes most blokes are normal and would be fine but not all are, not sure id want to spend the hrs after a delivery feeling vulnerable and having to be in close quarters with a drug addict/ men who've been in prison etc

bad campaign in my opinion and unnecessary and others have said, paves the way for the nhs to further reduce staffing levels.

Agree with all who have said fine in single room, very bad idea on a ward.

The campaign should be for more staff on postnatal wards at night, NOT for partners to be able to stay

Zara* is right.

What is awful is that the most pressing argument for having partners able to stay isn't all the baloney about bonding, but because so many women feel vulnerable and abandoned when they have just given birth.

My instinct is to say , 'god yes, let them stay' - but only because after dd1 I was left unable to move (spinal, post operation, catheter in), unable to get to dd1, no one answering my bell, then when an angry mum across the ward came over and plonked dd1 in bed with me, a MW finally arrived and bollocked me for having dd1 in bed with me. By the time dh had arrived the next day, I was ready to discharge myself after having been laughed at by 2 hcps for crapping myself because I was unable to get to the toilet.

I made a complaint to the hospital, it was really appalling.

But having read all the arguments against having partners staying I hope mn don't get behind this campaign. Instead I think they need to start a campaign to support better postnatal care.

Just a thought on the "private room" scenario. There are plenty of DV offenders I can think of that would insist on having a private room just so they can stay with their victim at her most vulnerable and to prevent anyone "sowing ideas" in her head.

I don't think that an option of a private room is actually that great an idea.

Better care for postnatal mothers.

Another no, for all the reasons already given.

To add: I also was chucked on postnatal ward alone, in the middle of the night, terrified and staring at my tiny baby, and I cried and cried

Having DH there would've been great. What would've been better would've been a midwife or care assistant coming to ask how I was, tell me what I should expect, help me with feeding, help me dress my baby, help me go to the bathroom.

Women who have had babies need people around them to support them, care for them and teach them how to look after their babies.

Just to add my voice to all the 'no's' - for all the reasons already stated.

Would have to say no. Although I did dread my DH leaving every night, I would not have wanted to be walking around the ward just after giving birth with other random men around 24/7 The 2 inconsiderate women in the bay with me, playing their radios & talking on their phones until all hours were bad enough, let alone if their equally obnoxious partners had been allowed to stay all night too.

As many people have quite rightly pointed out, this would also prevent women in abusive relationships having any privacy/opportunity to seek help.

I opted for a private room with ds2 as ds1's ward was so noisy. Would I have missed out as DH was home with ds1 and therefore unable to stay?

Even the quietest couple will add to ward noise, with murmurs and whispers / do you think he's hungry? Pass him to me /can you get a wipe etc...

I don't feel less bonded to my mum after I was born in a hospital where babies went to the night nursery and to mum for BF. There's more to bonding and parenting than the first couple of days.

No no no !
I would discharge myself if there were partners tip toeing around at night
And after EMCS that's not a good idea !
Yes I felt frightened and alone and in pain after all 5 DCs but I'd be worse with randoms on the ward.
It's beggars belief that this is even being considered !

I stayed at a post natal ward for 5 nights.

All of the partners in my 6 bed ward came at 8 and left at 8 or 10, and it was of huge help. The staff were so hands off during the day and expected the spouses to do all the helping out.

To be honest, even if my DH was allowed to stay, I would have asked him to go home, get good rest, and come the next day to do the day duty whilst I attempt to catch up on sleep. I didn't get sleep at night as babies just cried and cried, and neither did I get sleep in the day time, as the ward was too busy. To be honest, by the end of the 5 days, I was close to a mental and physical breakdown, I was unbelievably exhausted. In fact, I don't even know how I got through it.

What you should campaign for are more private rooms on wards that people can pay for and more midwives on duty to help out, especially with the night feeds. Honestly when I was there, everyone was struggling with breastfeeding, every single person.

It's a no from me.

If every woman had a private room, then the option would be nice. But that's clearly never going to happen - apart from building capacity, you would need more staff as you couldn't assume every mum would have a guest looking after them. Certainly wouldn't be appropriate in shared rooms.

In any case I really think that time for mum and baby to be alone together is important, especially if they then return home to other children, house full of visitors, etc.

Far better to concentrate on increasing staffing levels, improving staff training in feeding support.

Not in favour. I think its good for hubby to go home and get a little rest while baby and I am being well monitored and looked after. I found the staff in hospital very flexible about him being there as long as he wanted but he was more use to the whole family having had some rest for the next day. Hospitals are under enough pressure as it is. I think women can manage fine for the night with the midwives and staff around. By the way, we were given the option of hubby staying as I ended up in a private room but turned it down.

Isitme where did I say I felt vulnerable? I didn't feel vulnerable, I hate hospitals and I wanted the other parent of my new baby to be allowed to actually parent the child with me, not sent off like an inconvenient spare part.

There's a strange contradiction here - we police check all adults who work / have close contact with children, we encourage women to check whether their new partners have a violent past and yet here's a campaign to allow any random man or other adult (on the basis of being a new parent) sleep / stay in an open hospital ward with newborn babies and their mothers with no prior checks whatsoever???

Sarine1, very true! Especially now having heard about all the high ranking peados, I don't think I'd be able to sleep on the ward with my baby being in a potentially vulnerable situation, gosh, the thought is terrifying.

And the 'partner' may not even be the baby's father, either.

No I wouldn't have liked the wards to be full of strange men at night.
Unless there are seperate family rooms in another part of the maternity ward then it wouldn't work. And I can't see hospitals being able to facilitate that.
In the children's ward there was a suite of rooms where parents could stay so I suppose something like that would work but not on the general ward.
I actually liked the time alone with my newborns too. I liked the quiet and being able to snuggle them all day/night but then I had two sections and private rooms so we slept well. I suspect I wouldn't have been so happy on the hot noisy ward.