What do you think about spouses/partners staying overnight on postnatal wards?

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

The organisation Birthrights (with whom we've done some stuff in the past) are planning a new campaign called First Night, and wanted to know whether it's something MN could support - so we said we'd ask you lot!

Here's Birthrights' description of the campaign:

'Birthrights is a human rights in childbirth charity, and we will be launching a campaign later this year to ensure women aren't left alone on often over-staffed postnatal wards, but instead can choose to have their partner remain with them overnight. We will be researching what's important to women, partners and staff, the barriers and benefits, and working with units who've implemented this policy to draw up best practice guidelines to use as they lobby for change.'

So please let us know what you think. Is this something you'd like us to swing behind?

Thanks
MNHQ

A no from me. To do this would cost money which would be better spent on more HCPs available so that women all feel comfortable, safe and cared for.

I would have loved DH with me overnight, but not everyone's DP! Can't have it both ways.

MN please do not back this campaign.

I would have loved this. I remember thinking me and my DP chose to have this baby together and feeling so desperate and hard done by when he had to leave at 2am straight after I was transfered to the ward. I had no idea what to do with a newborn and had been in labour for days, I needed his support. We're a team.

Actually I don't belive I ever saw a male who wasn't visiting a patient on my ward. And wouldn't those have to proved an enhanced CRB?

Galvanised

I would have loved it too, for the reasons you state, but I think some care and attention from the overstretched midwives would have gone some way to ameliorating this.

There was one midwife who was zoo kind she made me cry. Only one

so kind

I don't think the argument about women feeling uncomfortable stands up - there will be male staff, cleaners, and on any other ward there would be male patients. Women will have to breastfeed in front of men when they get home from hospital anyway, surely, and anyone being examined should be examined in private anyway, regardless of who is on the ward.

REALLY????? the NHS have had mixed wards for several years now. No woman has to breastfeed in front of men. Have you ever given birth and attempted to breastfeed a newborn? It's not dignified or discreet.

Privacy is a flimsy plastic curtain which can and does get swished back by anyone who feels like it.

Have a couple of people from BirthRight just signed up to post on this thread?

We believe that all women are entitled to respectful maternity care that protects their fundamental rights to dignity, autonomy, privacy and equality.

For whom exactly? The menz? Or for women who confuse "the rights of mothers" with THEIR preference to have their DH there, without the realisation that he might be worrying and upsetting to some other mums?

galvanised yes you made that baby together but you may also make a second baby together. And then your dh might have to stay at home to look after that baby (unless you are very lucky) which would mean you will be on your own with other people and their partners.

Women will have to breastfeed in front of men when they get home from hospital anyway

Yeah so get over it women... you have had at least an hour over in the delivery sweet to learn how to get your baby to latch on.

No from me because of privacy issues.

Last time I was on a 6 bedded bay and the woman in the next bed had her husband stay- he snored in the chair about 2 feet from me and kept crashing through the curtains while i was trying to get to grips with breast feeding........ fair enough we have to make ourselves decent for visiting time but this was a bit much

Thurlow Thu 10-Jul-14 14:37:55
providing private rooms when requested- where is the money coming from to create more private rooms?

Depends on exactly how you do it.

In theory though if you charged £60 a night for those who wanted it thats £21,840 a year for that room. Over the course of 25 years thats £546,000 (and thats assuming the price doesn't rise over 25 years which is highly unlikely). I believe some hospitals already charge more than £60 a night if there is no medical need for a private room.

Obviously not every private room is going to be paid for - many will be allocated on medical need, but financially, if you are talking about planning for the future with more beds available privately then there is a case to be made for considering it in new building plans.

Of course, many people will be opposed to the idea on the basis that the NHS should be completely free and equal, but as far as I can see it, its one of the better ideas of raising revenue for all services and involves less third party involvement. There is a demand for this though, and if it means that those who can not afford a room but have medical need for one, always get one because the facilities are there and supported by the system, then I think its difficult to argue against.

Gilbert - the NHS is actively trying to get rid of mixed sex wards and hospitals can be fined if patients are cared for in a mixed sex environment.
Read this for more info, if you are interested.

the only Yes votes I've seen are from people who say the same thing - that they would have liked their partner to stay after birth.

I would have liked that too. My DH would have been helpful. Perhaps yours would have been, but who knows? Your DH might be a loud mouthed bigot who spouts racist views and glares at the Muslim woman across the other side of the ward.
Your DH might harass you verbally or be on his phone all night, or be an absolute pest to the staff.
Your DH might be 18 years old and stoned.
Your DH might be a 49 year old heroin addict who is there to make sure you don't report his abuse to the staff.

All kinds of people become parents.

Sorry, I meant not had mixed sex wards! Dearie me, undermined my own argument there! I posted a big excerpt of NHS policy further up the thread too.

I don't think the argument about women feeling uncomfortable stands up - there will be male staff, cleaners, and on any other ward there would be male patients. Women will have to breastfeed in front of men when they get home from hospital anyway, surely, and anyone being examined should be examined in private anyway, regardless of who is on the ward.

BF in early days when both mother and baby are finding out to do it are worst - more breasts end up on display.

Plus not everyone is bf friendly or keeps their opinions to themselves - it's very different from sympathic male family members or not sympathic one who you can tell to fuck off with little come back - as to oppose to strangers making it more difficult at an emotionally vulnerable time. I would image it could well be the difference between persevering and giving up before you start. I didn’t bf in public till pfb was several weeks old.

Male nurses are professionals very different to random Joe blogs - I didn't see any male cleaners.

A no from me too.

I wish fathers could visit from early hours to evening but definitely not staying over.

I would have loved to have had my husband stay but I would not want to share a ward with other men sleeping just after I have given birth. I only stayed over night once with all of mine but I remember getting up to go to the bathroom with a blood stained nightie on as I had leaked everywhere. I would not want to feel like I had to be self conscious of that kind of thing because there were loads of men on the wards. I didn't care if other women noticed as we were all in the same position and I also wouldn't have wanted to shut the curtains every time I BF'ed.

I desperately wanted to have my baby at home so I could spend my first night as a mother with my husband.

I also didn't want my husband to spend his first night as a father alone. We were lucky that the birth was very straightforward but we have friends who nearly lost their wives and babies during childbirth and I can't imagine how my husband would have coped if he was then sent home alone after going through that experience. It certainly doesn't give men the right to spend a night in hospital but there must be another way of supporting new parents on their first night.

Okay, the more I think about it the more angry I am about the way this outfit are hijacking the language of human rights...

Just think about it:
The human right not to be killed by someone else (whether an individual, your own state or someone else's state);
The human right not to be tortured;
The human right to clean water and sanitation;
The human right to a fair trial;
The human right to participate in elections;
...
The human right to inflict my Nigel on everyone else because I feel a bit lonely and out of my depth (don't we all, love?) never mind the fact that you don't know him from Adam and don't know whether he's a nice guy or likes to beat people up, and hell, why are you so uptight about getting your baps out in public anyway?

No, no, no to this proposal.

I would have had no problem BF around men once I got the hang of it.

I didn't do it for long at all but the first few times I did I had to take my top off and I found it hard to get the baby to latch on so my whole breasts were on display.

I'd never been in hospital before, had spent 2 nights apart from him in the 6 years we'd been together, and was absolutely terrified. The idea that my DH had to go home at 1am and leave me alone with this tiny, helpless creature, in an unfamiliar place, just felt heartless and cruel.

Yes and in fact DH DID stay with me as our hospital allow partners to stay.

He was mightily uncomfortable and either stayed on a blow up bed next to me or slept in a chair and I'm so glad he stayed as I was in for a week after a traumatic birth and his help was most appreciated.

RedToothBrush - yes, the NHS can make money from the private rooms. I have no personal issue with that. In fact, my plans for any future DCs will be an elcs and a pre-booked private room.

But all the charging out of the rooms in the world isn't going to help these rooms magically appear.

Most hospitals do not have many private rooms. Sadly they can't magic them out of nowhere, nor can they magic the money to build them out of nowhere.

Good post, Gilbert.

And fuck off to the poster who says Women will have to breastfeed in front of men when they get home from hospital anyway

No they won't. It took me 6 weeks to be able to bf my first in a comfortable manner. In my own home I chose who I wanted to do that in front of - and it didn't even include my own DB or DF, let alone random men whose DPs happened to give birth around the same time as me.

Those plastic curtains round beds don't even close properly. Half the time you can see / be seen by the people around you. There is no privacy. Hospital staff have professional standards to meet (and a job to do), other women who've just given birth are in the same situation. I wouldn't want anyone else in the ward. I don't even want long visiting times.

I don't have a problem with male staff; my OB/GYN is a man, as are the majority of the doctors in his practice. But as I stated in a PP, I wouldn't have felt comfortable sharing a space with other people's husbands/partners after giving birth. If private rooms become the norm there, then I think it's great that the policy changes, too, but I can't see it on a shared ward.