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MNHQ

We Believe You: we're launching our rape awareness campaign today.

530 replies

KateMumsnet · 09/03/2012 15:56

Today, we're very proud to be launching a new campaign. It's called 'We Believe You', and it's inspired by the many MNers who've asked us to speak out about the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women's lives.

While we're at it, we're going to try to explode, once and for all, some pernicious myths about rape - about who does it, what it is, and whom it can happen to. These myths mean that many victims are denied justice: our survey confirmed that most don't report their rape or sexual assault, for fear of being disbelieved.

So the message of our campaign is in the title - we believe you. We hope MNers will get behind it, and spread that message far and wide - on Facebook, and on Twitter, using the hashtag #webelieveyou. And don't forget to let us know what you think here on this thread.

We're also giving a shout-out to Rape Crisis, the End Violence Against Women coalition, and Barnardo's - all of whom are supporting our campaign. They all work hard on sexual violence issues - either by supporting those who've experienced it, or campaigning for better prevention strategies - so do see if you can help them out.

MNHQ x

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 14/03/2012 20:08

I believe you too, dogparadise. I always did and I agree that there is more than a whiff of cover-up involved. I hope that you can find a little bit of peace in knowing that your story was one of those that made me (and others on this thread, I know) so very unequivocal about believing the victim AND become active in smashing rape myths apart whenever I see/hear them. Ans one person prepared to do that leads to another and another and another. I know that doesn't directly change your situation, but please know that what you have gone through has made a difference.

And to the rest of you - I believe you too. And it's for you and women like you that I keep on fighting. Shoulder to shoulder. I have been lucky (so far) but still not immune to a sexual power dynamic that is out of kilter. I don't want luck to come into it for any of us.

Thank you, LeninGrad, for the slogan. Actually - you have two, don't you? I often think of the "Millwall of Mumsnet" one. Please tell me that "Patriarchy - YABVU" was yours too and I shall appoint you Queen.

Butterflyface · 14/03/2012 20:56

You've inspired my 13 year old DD to write a piece for her school newspaper about the facts and myths of sexual abuse and rape. She feels it's important for teenagers to know these facts as well - it's a little disconcerting for me that she should know these things at such a young age, but I'm also very proud of her maturity.

AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 20:58

wow, butterfly, that is brilliant !

PuffPants · 14/03/2012 20:59

dogparadise your story is absolutely terrifying, both the attacks and the aftermath. I am so upset just reading it.

Do you mind if I ask a potentially insensitive question? Are you still living in the same house as before? I only ask this because I think my instinct would be to pack up and move far far away - yes, I know, to hide. Did you think of doing this? I just wondered what has made you stay.

BasilFoulTea · 14/03/2012 21:00

Dogparadise I believe you

LineRunner · 14/03/2012 21:01

I've just posted this on the Keir Starmer thread, while it's still stickied.

Please feel free to add to it, whilst we have the eyes and ears of the DPP looking in. (It will still be getting 'tracked'.)
.............................................................................

Keir,

On the We Believe You thread on Mumsnet, a poster with the nickname dogparadise reports a miscarriage of justice which saw her jailed for allegedly lying about being stalked and raped.

Many Mumsnetters have rightly expressed their concerns about this, not least the verdict, the reporting, the behaviour of the judge and the jury, the sentence, the alleged failings in process, and the lack of self-review by the CPS.

Will you agree, in the spirit of this campaign, to review this case and report back to MN and the wider public on lessons learned?

Thank you.

Beachcomber · 14/03/2012 21:03

I believe you too dogparadise.

Massive hugs to everybody.

Mouseface · 14/03/2012 21:05

Oh, Butterfly - that is fantastic. How wonderful of your daughter to have an insight like that. And, on the other hand, it's a shame that she is aware of rape and abuse.

I hope that the children in the school learn from her article in the school newpaper. I hope you will thank her on 'our' behalf xx

MmeLindor. · 14/03/2012 21:10

Dogparadise
I remember reading about your case and thinking that it seemed so incredible, how could anyone make it up? Why would anyone make it up?

I believe you.

LineRunner · 14/03/2012 21:13

Would you ask Keir Starmer to review the case, while the 'MN live webchat' thread is still there?

Mouseface · 14/03/2012 21:13

That's the thing isn't it? Like in the remake of Miracle on 34th Street, the only way to get the message across was for everyone to believe. Let's hope that we can do it here, let's hope that we can get others to believe.

LucyManga · 14/03/2012 21:14

I believe you, dogparadise

Mouseface · 14/03/2012 21:16

Good idea LineRunner

dogparadise · 14/03/2012 21:20

Hi PuffPants. I do still live in the same house. Many weeks were spent considering moving. Firstly, financially I couldn't afford to. When I was first stalked the police reported me to Ofsted because I was a registered childminder - I asked them not to as I could lose my job but they went ahead and lost me my job. Secondly, my two younger daughters were at the local secondary school and didn't want to lose their friends - they had been through so much at 11yr and 13 yrs. My 13 yr old (who was the first to ever see the monster at 2am one morning trying to break into her bedroom window) took my incarceration and absence so badly she started self-harming and attempted suicide 3 times. Neither of them wanted to move. Graham, my partner, didn't want to lose his job - at 60 yrs old he probably wouldn't have been able to get another. All in all I had to make the right decisions for all of them - not me. They have had to live the worst life possible and I just couldn't put any more stress on them. When I came home I couldn't go out the back of my house for ages - I still swallow hard before I can go out, even
with all the dogs with me.

We've lived here 20 yrs, the girls were born here and we took the decision that we couldn't let the b***d drive us from our home, showing our weakness and letting him win. I hope that helps you to understand.

dogparadise · 14/03/2012 21:29

Hi Mary, Women Against Rape contacted Keir Starmer and I emailed Baroness Sturgeon but as the case was on-going nobody wanted to help us.
Still being on licence until the 3rd March, 2012, I kept a very low profile. I know I couldn't possibly have survived being sent back to prison.

Sadly, I know of others here, one in particular out walking her dogs and was attacked and raped. She went to the police and after a few weeks told her she had no evidence and they didn't believe her. They told her to withdraw the allegations or risk prison. She withdrew and since lives an awful life as she believes that if the police didn't believe her - no-one else will and has had two nervous breakdowns.
Another woman was attacked in the same area of my first attack - she managed to get away and fled to the police who basically told her to go away. She showed them her injured arm and they said she could probably have injured that herself. She is also in her 50's.

What sort of police state are we now living in?

DharmaLovesDraco · 14/03/2012 21:38

I believe you dogparadise

I believe all of you

This thread has been both heartbreaking and awe-inspiring, there are some amazing women on here

Much love to all of you x

LineRunner · 14/03/2012 21:39

Keir Starmer DPP thread

Whilst this visible, prominent and tracked thread exists on MN, please go on there and ask for a review.

SerialKipper · 14/03/2012 21:39

So all these crimes are happening in the same area? And the police are telling them all the victims to bog off and that they must be doing it to themselves? Shock

I'm sure you're very genned up in avenues of complaint, and have already thought of this, but the Independent Police Complaints Commission springs to mind, as does the way John Worboys was left free to continue attacking women.

justalittleinsane · 14/03/2012 21:46

here is dogparadise story, I have pm'd her to check she is happy with the linking and she has told me to post it.

here

There is so much I would like to say, but for legal reasons can't. One day ........

There is an awful lot of strength to be drawn from the support shown on this thread. Thanks Thanks

LucyManga · 14/03/2012 21:48

dogparadise, I knew who you were as I remember the story on the news and remember thinking how horrible and inhumane the coverage was, even from the bloody BBC - they basically tried to make you look like a nutjob. I absolutely believed you then - I had a horrible cold feeling in my stomach - and I believe you now.

I hope you get justice one day soon. You are unbelievably strong to still be standing.

PacificDogwood · 14/03/2012 21:54

dogparadiandise, I believe you too SadAngry.
It is un fucking believable this should be allowed to happen, but sadly I have no trouble at all believing you and others.

FFS.

PacificDogwood · 14/03/2012 21:57

dogparadise, not sure what I did to your name there, sorry Blush

AnyFucker · 14/03/2012 22:00

there are no words

Nyac · 14/03/2012 22:01

One of the reasons the police may be doing this to rape victims is to keep their crime figures down.

Keir Starmer was not impressive on his web chat and didn't provide answers that would give any confidence that the legal system has improved in any way in its attitudes to rape victims. His line appears to be encouraging victims to come forward, but why would they do that when they know there is actually a risk of being prosecuted, it's unbelievable.

Nyac · 14/03/2012 22:03

This is the legal system's dirty secret - that they don't convict rapists (6% of reported rapes punished) but they will prosecute and imprison rape victims given half a chance.