We Believe You: we're launching our rape awareness campaign today.

[KateMumsnet]

Today, we're very proud to be launching a new campaign. It's called 'We Believe You', and it's inspired by the many MNers who've asked us to speak out about the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women's lives.

While we're at it, we're going to try to explode, once and for all, some pernicious myths about rape - about who does it, what it is, and whom it can happen to. These myths mean that many victims are denied justice: our survey confirmed that most don't report their rape or sexual assault, for fear of being disbelieved.

So the message of our campaign is in the title - we believe you. We hope MNers will get behind it, and spread that message far and wide - on Facebook, and on Twitter, using the hashtag #webelieveyou. And don't forget to let us know what you think here on this thread.

We're also giving a shout-out to Rape Crisis, the End Violence Against Women coalition, and Barnardo's - all of whom are supporting our campaign. They all work hard on sexual violence issues - either by supporting those who've experienced it, or campaigning for better prevention strategies - so do see if you can help them out.

MNHQ x

dogp - what? You were imprisoned for speaking out? For outing your attacker and telling the truth?

I had no idea that that happened. I know I might be being naive her but why on earth were you jailed dogp? Can I ask you to tell me a little bit more about what happened and why you ended up the way you did?

I'm really ed and dened.

Yes, this is true.

Also the poster who said that she felt that it was pointless saying 'no' -

Yes, me too. I had no idea that someone else had had that result too. I ended up on a path of 'self-destruct' and it was after setting off a chain of events, a cry for help, that my DH woke up to the fact that this had been with me for all these years - over 30 - that he listened - and convinced me that it wasn't my fault that someone who was in a position of authority and trust could -and did - rape a 16year old.

The cry for help was that I wrote to the Police. They were fantastic. They believed me, tracked him down and arrested him (yay!). But he said it had been consensual (yeah right, a 16yr old virgin decides to give herself to some random older married bloke who she's known at work for five minutes and who she's never even/would never go out with). So I decided to drop it. But this provided closure for me, and they are watching him!

We must all stand together - remember that you have no need to feel shame or guilt if this awful crime has happened to you.

Love to all
xxx

Oh Miranda - that is so brave of you to write to the police all those years later. I'm sorry that he lied but not at all shocked that he did. Even now, after all these years, my very first boyfriend, the one who forced himself on me, refuses to agree that he raped me.

I didn't report him but we did meet when I had my DD years later. We met quite by chance and one of the things I told him was that he had raped me. He was a violent bully too but never actually hit me, more of a promise to if I didn't do as he wanted me to.

He laughed at me saying that I 'was up for it at the time'. I pointed out that I had tried to move away from him but he'd pinned me down. His face was just one huge grin. I wasn't getting through to him at all.

Sorry, I keep making this about me

Thanks Mary. Nice to have feedback from someone. It didn't feel brave - it had been weighing me down for so long that I couldn't think of any other way of resolving it.

I would urge everyone with a 'secret' to pick a trusted friend and tell them. This helped me to understand how that girl - the 16yo me - was not responsible for what happened.

Talking about it is really hard at first - I used to think of my 'attack' because I couldn't bear the R word. But it's easier as you get older and understand more. I told a friend at the time but she didn't understand. I tried to tell my Mum but I think she just thought I was admitting I'd had sex, and changed the subject - I couldn't tell her properly (and she didn't ask ).

Hugs to you. It was very brave of you to let the papers know your story. Much easier to hide.

But I want people to know that they don't have to carry this burden - this scar - around with them. Take steps to get rid of the burden - admit what happened and explore it honestly. Therapy/friend.rape crisis/police, whatever is appropriate for you and helps you.

Mary, is this the first time you've talked about it? It will get easier as time goes on, will fade, once you've explored it & resolved it, IME.

You're right Miranda. I spend a lot of time saying I'm not ashamed that I was raped. But that's not actually true - I am ashamed. And logically I know I shouldn't be but I was in my 30s when I was raped (on two different occasions by two different men) and feel I should have been old enough to know better and if I hadn't put myself in those situations (one was a new boyfriend, the other an acquaintance) then it never would have happened.

If I keep saying it, it might come true one day.

Miranda - this is the first time that I had written as much as I had (i did a much fuller article but the Independent only printed the relevant parts) but I've posted about my abuse before on MN.

I told my husband about a year after we met. I was shaking when I said the words out loud to him, that I'd been raped at knife point, raped by his friend, spat at, punched, kicked, made to terminate his baby.......

Years of torture, both mental and physical all came spilling out.

For the first time in my life, since the age of fourteen, I finally feel safe. Even on wobbly days, I feel safe. I feel loved and wanted for all of the right reasons. I still blame myself for lots of things, stupid things but that's how the brain works I guess.

Anyway, it's time I went and fed the hungry tribe. Be back later.

Hi Mary. My/our story would take hours to relate but I was stalked by a stranger & received 50+ cards, flowers and gifts left on my car or at my home - he knew my every move. The police became involved when he chased me and tried to stop me one night in my car - I was terrified. After months of stalking he attacked me at the end of a dog walk. With the threat of a knife he took me down the valley, tied me to a sheep fence and raped me for at least an hour. Using a police-type radio, he knew when people were looking for me and left me tied and gagged there to be found by the eye-in-the-sky helicopter. This was just the start of the nightmare. He came back and raped me again and regardless of the police having him on cctv coming into my house 20 mins before the attack, they claim I made it up. All the knife wounds they claimed were self-inflicted and I am just a fantasist. They arrested me and threatened me to withdraw the allegations or they would make sure I go to prison and my children into care. My daughters have all seen him, my partner has chased him from our roof more than once, friends have been with me when gifts have been left on my car - but apparently I made it all up and we are all liars.
We decided, unitedly as a family, that he couldn't be allowed to get away with this and so stood against the police. I spoke nothing but the truth in everything I told them, we all did but they said we were going to court for perverting the course of justice. They tried repeatedly to threaten and brow-beat me to withdraw the allegations and I would get a slap on the wrist.
Whilst we waited 19 months for the trial, he hid at the back of my house one day and attacked me again when I returned from the school run.
We had to endure a six week trial. 5 weeks of prosecution and 1 week for defence because the judge wanted it finished as he had another case to hear.
The prime evidence/DNA all went missing from the police headquarters before the trial started!!!
With a jury of 75% young women, 1 older lady and a young lad I was found guilty of making it all up and sentenced to a 2 year prison sentence.
I did not get any pre-sentence reports (which my probation say is unheard of) and my two younger daughters, who had only ever had me as a single parent went through the worst hell seeing me hand-cuffed and taken away from them.
I have lived through night-terrors, sleep walking, the trauma and filth of prison life and now home and still receiving gifts, cards and phone calls and we can do nothing. My partner has made our house like fort knox, cctv and large movement cameras adorn the place, in an effort to keep us safe.
All my friends and family have stood by me because they know me too well to ever think that I could have lied about something so horrendous.
I haven't been able to fight back because all the time I was on licence, if I was seen to be campaigning or doing anything, they would have put me back into prison. My licence finished nearly two weeks ago - now I can speak out.
Women need people to believe them. Except for mental health issues etc., why on earth would a woman want to make up something so horrifying, there is nothing to be gained.
We live a life locked up in our home and I never go anywhere - that is what my life is - all caused by a monster who walks free.
My heart goes out to all women who have been raped, no matter what the circumstances. Rape causes a trauma which lives with you forever. Not being believed and sent to prison is like being raped over and over again.

Love to all of you who have suffered. xx

Dogparadise, was your story in the papers or have you talked about it here? I think I recognise it.

If it is your story I'm thinking of, I believed you then and I believe you now.

It's terrible what the police did to you. I hope the man who attacked you receives the justice he deserves as soon as possible.

Hi Nyac. It was all over the papers - at least all the prosecution allegations - strange how when the defence came out the journalists didn't bother to put our side in the papers.
The Guardian was the only one who came to our home and asked us for the truth and ran it in their paper.

When first attacked I contacted a centre in London called Women Against Rape. They were fantastic. They believed us, supported us (still do) and one of them came to court to support me every single day. For anyone who has had to go to court and had to publicly stand up and speak of and listen to details of your rape - my heart goes out to you. I was 50 yrs old. What would I want to put myself through the hell of all that for if it hadn't been true. The jury had to be crazy, they yawned a lot and sat cross-armed and bored and they are the people who decide your future.

I have no trust in the police or our British justice system.

Oh my god, it's started again now you're home, dogp?!

I believed you when I first read about your case; I believe you now.

Christ, that is horrific dogp

Can you not take some sort of legal action against the police? bastards.

It's evil that they put you in prison dogparadise, simply evil. i can't think of another word.

dogparadise, I am so so so so so so so very sorry, I believe you, I dont recall the initial case, but no-one would make up something like this, and your friends and your family.

Terrible, terrible, for you all.

Iwish there was something to say, to ease the pain you have been through and are still going through.

This man is a monster :(

Dogparadise - I believe you

I believe you DogParadise

dogparadise I have read your story before. I believe you.

I believe you too.

I don't know this story. Would someone be kind enough to PM me a link. I think it is important to find justice. Thanks.

dogp - your story rings a bell with me also in terms of being in the press. You must take each breath wondering if it's going to be your last.

I am appalled by the way the police have treated you, utterly shocking.

I think that's what I liked about the article the Independent ran, they used my 'story' word for word, they didn't twist anything or make me out to be a liar as we all know other media sources have done in the past.

I can't imagine how you and your family live day to day like that, locked away in your own home. I think you're incredible, I really do.

I also hope that one day, justice will be served and you will be able to step out of your door safe in the knowledge that he can't get to you, he can't touch you or your DD's, or anyone else he may choose to target.

Keep going brave lady. I always thought that if/when I do tell my 'story' that if it saves Just One Woman, Just One Child then it's worth every single stabbing, painful memory.

I noticed that from the day I was raped in my twenties, I changed. I became hardened a little, became quieter, you became small. It was as if he'd taken part of me with him, if that makes sense....

I lost part of me. A very important part, I lost my own self worth but then again, that's what they do isn't it? Regardless of how the rape/s come about, if it's a regular rape, a series of attacks, it makes you shrink and become a tiny voice.

When it happened over and over, I became more numb. I'd imagine that my body wasn't mine. I decided that I'd try my hardest to forgive myself for letting it happen but that was impossible for a long time.

dogp - I hope that you have some strong support out there, do you have close friends who you can rely on to come and see you, talk to you, help you?

It's great that your DP is standing firmly beside you. I wish that I could take the pain away. I should imagine that we'd all do that if we could.

I'm off to eat dinner and cuddle with my son and husband, long gone are the says of snuggling DD! Unless it's Faceache or Blueberry she's not bothered!

Stay safe xx

Massive hugs to you all. xxxx

Thanks for the link.

dogparadise that is horrific. I believe you.

Much hugs to all who have shared their awful experiences.

xx

My DD's are the third generation to suffer from these events that I know of. It's time something changed. Good job!

I hope a good journalist is reading this.

womenagainstrape self help guide