We Believe You: we're launching our rape awareness campaign today.

[KateMumsnet]

Today, we're very proud to be launching a new campaign. It's called 'We Believe You', and it's inspired by the many MNers who've asked us to speak out about the prevalence of rape and sexual assault in women's lives.

While we're at it, we're going to try to explode, once and for all, some pernicious myths about rape - about who does it, what it is, and whom it can happen to. These myths mean that many victims are denied justice: our survey confirmed that most don't report their rape or sexual assault, for fear of being disbelieved.

So the message of our campaign is in the title - we believe you. We hope MNers will get behind it, and spread that message far and wide - on Facebook, and on Twitter, using the hashtag #webelieveyou. And don't forget to let us know what you think here on this thread.

We're also giving a shout-out to Rape Crisis, the End Violence Against Women coalition, and Barnardo's - all of whom are supporting our campaign. They all work hard on sexual violence issues - either by supporting those who've experienced it, or campaigning for better prevention strategies - so do see if you can help them out.

MNHQ x

oh Gentle...

Oh Gentle Otter ((sqeeze))

Oh GentleOtter, I am weeping weeping weeping.

((( GentleOtter )))

Gentle Hope you are one of the women it helps

Mary and Gentle, and all the other who post tales of their traumatic times, I would like to say this.

Thank you for sharing your stories but mostly, thank you so much for sharing the knowledge that you survived, that you are now happy, that life for you is good.

Yes, it helps.

sparrow and gentle, I am so sorry x

Thank you.

I had a cry for a while then a big hug from my dh and my eldest son. They made me some tea and told me they loved me. My son said he was strong because I taught him that strength.

This campaign will hopefully help each other to feel strong and heal one another.

I think there should be another message, alongside We Believe You, and that's It Wasn't Your Fault. People who experience rape and those friends/police/others who are told about it need to get the 'I/she may have somehow led him on, given out the wrong signals' thing out of their heads. That doesn't excuse rape.

My 2nd cousin was raped by her father and a couple of his friends. Not sure how old she was when it started (early teens? earlier?) but she got married aged 19 and it continued after her marriage for a couple of years. This has only come out now, 30 years later, now that both her mum & dad are dead. The person she told (not me - another relative) doesn't understand how a married 20 year old can still - quote - "let this happen". I do. If you're brought up, as she was, very strictly to think that your father is the fount of all rules and right, then it's very hard to kick against that or stop it. He must be right & you must be wrong.

She told her DH but he couldn't believe her at first. An awful realisation for him too. But she is left with the terrible guilt and shame that she "let it continue", that she didn't do enough to stop it. She did, eventually. But there was still that little girl inside, doing what Daddy told her was 'right'. Which is what that bastard did tell her.

If you're reading this, dear 2nd cousin, It Wasn't Your Fault.

Repeat to self 20 times:

It Wasn't My Fault.

amen

oh oh oh Gentle Otter

big love

So sorry gentle otter. There are no words for the wrongness of these crimes.
much love.

Oh.

Gentle Otter, I gasped, I'm so sorry you went through that. And to all of you, love.

A change needs to come, thank you Mumsnet for getting this going.

Oh GentleOtter, I am so very, very sorry. I am sending hugs to the girl you were then and the woman you are today. (((GentleOtter)))

Thank you for being brave enough to write that down

GentleOtter {{{{hugs}}}}

If Someone Loves You

A cover?s no way to judge a book
The first few words is all it took
To open up the memory chest
Of a dark past so long suppressed.

Like a dog let off its lead
The words are sticks I must retrieve
To read of someone else?s pain
The threats, the violence and the shame.

Lying curled up in a ball
Drunken menace in the hall
Racing heart cannot prevent
Looming shadow, no consent.

Calloused hands move from neck to arms
Leave no bruise or signs of harm
?I didn?t hurt you, you are mine
Say no again, I will next time?.

Each leaf turned brings back a time
When this memoir echoed mine
Tale unfolds upon each page
Tells of horrors, threats and rage.

I can?t take this anymore
Throw the book down on the floor
Sitting reading will not stop
All the heart ache and the rot.

If someone loves you, they won?t do
All these dreadful things to you
No person should endure this hell
Stop it now, it?s time to tell.

Thank you Mumsnet for this campaign and let's hope it achieves something. Massive hugs to the very brave women who have already contributed their own experiences.

Many years ago when I was a postgraduate student I was sub-warden of a student hall of residence on campus and got to deal with far too many student victims of rape. Only one of the ones I dealt with was ever reported to the police and it was a harrowing experience. When she first went in the victim was kept in for nearly twelve hours (two of us waited for her outside) and the police kept all of her clothes, including her shoes. After a few days they told her they would not be prosecuting (too much of a he said-she said case) so her attacker was let back on campus because the University could not take action against him when the police had not. We caught him a number of times standing below her bedroom window and staring up at it but again the University told us that it could not take action beyond us telling him to go away. He was training to be a social worker and is probably quite senior now.

Sparrow and Gentle - my heart goes out to you. And of course to all of you who have been raped, abused and hurt. This campaign is just fantastic and I really hope with all my heart that the voices on this thread, get heard. xx

Thanks for this campaign, MN, and I hope we can push this in the media and get the message heard.

I am also touched by reading the experiences of other women shared on this thread, as horrifying as they are. It takes real bravery to speak out about rape and sexual assault. I take my hats off to you.

I have been raped and had attempts at rape made on me. It is such a frightening thing to happen and the confusion of feelings you are left with afterwards - anger, guilt, shame - make it very difficult to speak out.

I am glad you are focusing on 'rape myths', as for me, the most brutal rape I have suffered was at the hands of a partner, someone I had had cosensual sex with many, many times. He laughed at me when I used the word 'rape' and told me to go to the police and watch them laugh me out of the station. He was possibly right. It is part of the whole idea of 'domestic violence' being something different to actual violence. Disturbing.

So I never went to the police, and have neer reported any of the assaults that have happened to me. Much of this was down to watching a horrific experience of a friend who was raped and hauled through the most horrendous court case, ending in her rapist walking away a free man. This appalled and frightened me so much that I couldn't find the strength to put myself in that position. I know several other women who have been raped but havent reported it, also, and this is massively down to the 'rape myths' of a woman dressed up, drinking alcohol, being out late, or with her own bouyfriend etc 'asking for it'

I hadn't realised that the first time I had sex was rape.

My first boyfriend had raped me at 15years old. I guess some might think that I clearly attract bad men, or even enjoy lying for the attention, that's why I never told a soul about my first attack, I had no idea that my very first sexual encounter would be rape.

We were lay in his bed, fully clothed, kissing and gently touching one another. I had never been with anyone before I met him. He was getting more and more worked up. I asked him to stop but I remember thinking that it was a nice feeling.

He wasn't talking to me, he was just kissing me, hard on my mouth. Time seemed to slow down, I could see the ceiling in his bedroom. I remember thinking that it needed a fresh coat of paint, as if I'd shut out what was happening.

Then, suddenly, he felt heavier, I could feel more pressure down there, it suddenly felt sore and very sharp, like a stinging, pushing, stabbing pain.

He let all of his weight land on me (he was a rugby player) and I remember that I started to struggle to breathe, I realised with horror that he was inside me and I panicked. I wasn't on the pill and all I could think of was my mother being furious with me if I got pregnant. I was trying to wriggle out from under him but I was pinned to the bed.

I remembering saying 'shh, sshhh, it's okay, it won't hurt'

I couldn't move from under him and eventually decided to just go with it, after all, he was my boyfriend so it was okay for him to do that, wasn't it?

I asked him to pull out before he came which he did and then he got up and walked over to a box of tissues to clean himself up sorry, TMI. He praised me and said that I was 'really good', and that there was no way I was a virgin because I knew .

He laughed when I asked him if he loved me now I'd let him do that. He told me I hadn't 'let him', that he was doing it because he could.

It took a long time for me to realise that that was the first time I was raped. I had always believed that if you were in a relationship with the man who forced sex onto you, that it wasn't rape, that they had a right to have you whenever they wanted.

I have no idea where that mentality came from.

Read about you in the Telegraph. You have no idea how emotional it made me feel to read 'we believe you'. I have just finished a two-year prison sentence accused of 'fantasising' about being stalked and raped by a stranger when all I did was tell the truth. So did my daughters, partner and friends and they would not believe any of us. We have lived a life of hell since from 2001 - 2002 and then 2007 to present day. We are still pursecuted by this male but we have no-one to turn to for help as the police didn't want to know. Worse still we think he is/was a policeman or connected to them and so buried me to shut me up. Being stalked and raped is horrifying enough but being imprisoned for standing up and speaking the truth is the most despicable deed by our police force and justice system.

It is so good to hear that someone is prepared to start looking into an extremely serious crime but which the police no-crime for statistics sake.
I know I'm not the only one had this happen to them and I can understand why so many women won't report this crime, as they know they probably won't be believed, which means so many monsters walk free.

Anything I can do to help with this campaign, I will. What a wonderful campaign.

Thank you so much for this campaign.

I was abused my uncle and was first raped at 8. It ended when I was 14. I didn't think it was abuse because it was my uncle who loved me. Then I thought no-one would believe me. That my family would hate me. I cracked a year later and went through a horrible time. I still suffer from my memories.

I have a daughter, who is still a toddler, and am determined that she grows up safe, protected and not with a world that accuses victims.

Why is rape the only time the victim becomes the accused?

'I guess some might think that I clearly attract bad men, or even enjoy lying for the attention, that's why I never told a soul about my first attack'

I think this is such a common feeling/fear, Mary. I have had two partners now who not only raped me, but turned out to be serial rapists - had done it before they met me and did it again to others after I left. At times, this has made me feel that there is something very wrong with me, for not seeing the signs, for getting involved with these men. Rationally, I know that both men were extremely manipulative characters who could charm the birds from the trees, and they pulled the wool over the eyes of several intelligent women, me included. But it is hard to shake the feeling that you have been preyed on for some sinister reason

dogparadise I think I remember your case - at least I hope to god there aren't more like this. I'm profoundly glad to know you're out now.

The unwillingness to prosecute seems to be limited to accused males, doesn't? Accuse a woman of something that, even if true, would be a much lesser offence, and the urge to punish is there.

So, so shocking what some women have to go through in the name of upholding men's right to have the sex they want